


Back to You

by SelenaTerna



Series: Back to You [1]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-08-29 20:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 55,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8505019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelenaTerna/pseuds/SelenaTerna
Summary: An alternate ending for JE. What if Rose and the Doctor had talked about the Doctor's plans before arriving back in Pete's world? What if Rose had refused to go back? What if the Doctor's plan had more flaws than he thought? And what if there's more going on than meets the eye? Canon up til JE and diverges after the Doctor has dropped off Sarah-Jane, Jack, Martha and Mickey.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Sadly, I don't own Dr Who or its characters. All hail BBC Wales.  
>   
> This is my very first Dr Who fanfic. I've had this swirling around my head for so long and I've finally decided to post. I hope you all enjoy it, as I've enjoyed so many wonderful stories here. This is how JE would have ended if RTD had gone on holidays and let me write the script in order to spare my agony...which is probably why he didn't. Ahem. Anyway, on with the show! Please read and review- feedback is always welcome!
> 
> This prologue begins before JE, in Pete's world. The rest of the fic is set after the main events of JE.

_The stars were going out._

That was Rose's first thought as she stirred into wakefulness, throat dry and a bad taste in her mouth. Licking her lips, she slowly blinked her eyes open, automatically taking note of the total darkness in the hospital room and the sky outside her window.

Nighttime, then. But what time was it? What day? How long had she been out? She'd been in the field for two days before she'd been hurt. And she'd seen another star disappear, vanish right in front of her.

Something was very wrong and none of the tests they'd run had led to anything. The stars had simply vanished- six of them in the space of a month. They needed the Doctor's help with this. She couldn't afford to wait for the cannon to be tested any longer- she had to get back to the Doctor as soon as possible. They were running out of time.

_Speaking of time...._

Glancing at her wrist, she noticed that her watch was gone. And recognising the scratchy feel of a Torchwood hospital gown, it was a pretty good guess that her phone wasn't on her either.

Stretching cautiously, she noticed twinges in her limbs and a sharp pain in her abdomen. The back of her head throbbed. _So, a stomach injury and a head injury,_ she thought. Gingerly, she tried lifting her head from the pillow, grimacing with the effort.

The room wobbled slightly and her stomach churned, but gritting her teeth, she focused and slowly her vision cleared.

The dizziness was probably drug induced, she guessed- and that explained the taste in her mouth. It'd wear off. The pain wasn't too bad, but she'd have to be careful of her stomach, she thought as her hand had found several shallow stitches. No sign of bleeding though. That was something. Probably just a deep flesh wound.

Taking a deep breath, she shifted slightly to the right and reached for the mobile that always sat her bedside.

It wasn't there. That was odd.

Frowning, she felt about the nightstand and found it completely bare. No phone. No pen or paper. No water jug. No glass- nothing.

She'd been in Torchwood's medical facility enough times to memorise the standard items that were always, ALWAYS, on the table. And there was nothing.

A prickling feeling of unease stirred in her mind as her instincts kicked in.

Shifting carefully and quietly, she focused her gaze intently on the lights just outside her door, ignoring the throbbing behind her eyes. Give it enough time... _there_ it was. A shadow. Someone was standing to the left side of her door.

_Someone was watching her room._

Her unease grew stronger. Why was someone watching her room? The only time recuperating agents were assigned a guard was when there was a danger to their safety- or when they were under suspicion or arrest.

Couldn't be the first, because otherwise, Mickey and his team would have demanded guard duty and camped out in her room. They wouldn't have skulked in the corridor.

On the other hand, she couldn't imagine why she'd be under suspicion or arrest. Besides, protocol dictated that the guard be in the room with the suspect at all times. So that couldn't be it.

Her stomach churned. Could they have found-

_No, she scolded herself. No jumping to conclusions. Facts Rose, take in the facts._

Taking a breath, she calmed her racing heart. Right. Facts.

First, she was alone in her room with a guard at the door- a guard who was doing their best to remain hidden, if she had to guess.

Second, she had no phone, and her room appeared to have been stripped of all the usual items.

Third, she had been sedated, presumably to treat her head and stomach injuries, but the drug was wearing off quite quickly.

She looked around, trying to think what else she had missed. Suddenly, her blood ran cold.

Fourth. She had been hospitalized and sedated for head and stomach injuries but there was no heart monitor, no medical equipment of any kind in her room. 

That, she knew, was a complete violation of the medical protocols. It was _dangerous_.

And it was not good. 

A set of footsteps sounded in the corridor, coming closer to her room and she quickly shut her eyes, pretending to be asleep.

The footsteps stopped a little way from the door to her room.

"Is she still out?"

Rose concentrated, trying to identify the low voice. That was... _Williams_. Dr Anthony Williams, senior consultant at Torchwood.

Her mysterious guard must have nodded, prompting the Doctor to continue. "Good. The dose I gave her should have her out for another few hours, at least. Should give you enough time."

She'd been drugged. And it had worn off early. They needed time. 

Time to do what?

"Yeah, time enough to get her to the testing facility, anyway. Doesn't matter after that."

The hairs on the back of her neck rose at hearing that voice. Davies. That was Rhys Davies, junior agent- on her team. 

And he was taking her to the testing facility. That could only mean one thing- they knew. 

'True Torchwood' had found out about her altered DNA- and Davies was taking her to the testing facility as an 'alien suspect'. And if she didn't get away before they got there, she was never coming out.

Her stomach clenched at the betrayal. He was one of her team. They had fought together, worked together for a year. How could he betray her like this?

_Focus, Rose,_ she reminded herself. This was no time to fall apart. _Plan. You need a plan._

She had forseen this, prepared for it with Mickey ever since they'd discovered that her cellular makeup was changing during an automatic bio-scan after she'd been exposed to an alien plague four weeks ago. They'd had no idea what it meant but nevertheless they'd known it was dangerous. There had been rumours for the past year of a traitor within Torchwood, a fanatical anti-alien group who took the original Torchwood charter to extremes. Most people dismissed it- Mickey and Rose couldn't afford to. With her cellular structure changing, she'd become a target. If the lunatic group within Torchwood didn't come after her, then someone else would. It was only a matter of time. She was vulnerable. And so she and Mickey had planned, and planned and planned. It was all set- all she had to do was get a message to Mickey. 

Of course, she had to get out of here alive first. And get to Mickey. But she would. She was a highly trained field agent. She was a Tyler. She was her mother's daughter. She had travelled with the Doctor and he only took the best. She was _Rose Tyler_.

And Rose Tyler didn't give up. Ever. So she'd fight and she'd get out of here. She'd meet Mickey and then...and then she was going to find the Doctor.

_She was going home._

These thoughts rushed through her mind in the blink of an eye, even as she continued to eavesdrop on the conversation outside her door.

"They'll be here to take her in twenty minutes- they had to set up the backstory. Boss' daughter can't just disappear into thin air."

"How will they do it?" Williams asked.

"Records will show she was failing medically and required transport to a specialist facility. She's not going to make it there-the ambulance taking her there will have an unfortunate accident with a gas truck and the whole thing will go up. No evidence, no questions."

Davies' cold-hearted reply caused her to shudder, but she shook it off, forcing her attention back to their conversation. She needed all of the information she could get.

"Do you have her results?" Davies questioned. "We'll need those as part of her species analysis."

"Here. As you requested, the disk is encrypted and password protected. If you fail to properly authenticate yourself three times, the information will erase itself." There was a rustling of plastic and fabric before Williams continued. "It's fascinating, from a scientific perspective. Her cells seem to be forming a third strand of genetic material, but it's not ribonucleic acid or any variant I've ever seen. And interestingly, her cells don't seem to be degenerating- they seem to be repairing themselves at a phenomenal rate! If I believed in the fountain of youth, I'd say she's drunk from it."

"You mean she's not aging?" Davies demanded. 

"Not in the ordinary sense of the word, no. If I were to go by her physiology alone, I'd say she's about nineteen, maybe twenty years old. And you tell me she's twenty-five, almost twenty six!"

"This could be useful," Davies mused.

"Quite! In fact, if you'll come with me, I'll show you her blood sample- it's just over here, quite fascinating in colour. You might want that too. She should be unconscious for some time yet, you needn't worry. Just lock the door."

The sound of the door closing and the lock turning should have caused her to panic- but all she felt was relief.

_Davies was always easy to distract,_ she mused. _Makes for a lousy guard. Thank God for that._

As their footsteps moved down the hall, Rose decided that it was time to get out of here. Now.

Taking quick stock of the room, she knew there was only one way out- the ventilation shaft. The window was too high up (fifteenth floor), the door was obviously out. 

Right, the shaft it was. She slowly eased herself from the bed, wincing as the stitches rubbed against the rough hospital gown. Sliding to her feet, she gripped tightly to the bed frame, waiting for the drug-induced wobbling to leave her system. Thankfully, it was better this time. It seemed her changing physiology absorbed drugs more quickly. 

She stored that thought away for later. It was something she could ask the Doctor about, when she found him. Something to worry about later.

Thinking quickly, she grabbed her pillow and placed it in the middle of the bed, pulling the blanket over it. In the dark, from the outside looking in, it would look as though she were still asleep. Hopefully, it would stall them a little and buy her some time.

Taking a quiet breath, she stepped forward gingerly, noticing that she was mostly steady on her feet. Making her way to the furthermost corner of the room, she stood on the guest chair, gripped the edge of the ventilation shaft and pulled. Thankfully, it came out quietly and she pushed it carefully inside the shaft. Then, praying her muscles and the stitches would hold out, she seized the edge of the shaft and heaved herself up.

_Shit, that hurt._ Checking her abdomen, she exhaled in relief. So far, so good- no bleeding.

Panting softly, she carefully pushed the grating back into place. Finally, after what seemed like hours of silent grunting, it was back in place and no one looking at it would know it had ever moved at all.

It had taken its toll, though. Her muscles were aching and she could feel the blood starting to trickle down her stomach- she'd probably torn at least one of the stitches. Taking a deep breath to steady her galloping heart, she started crawling. Unless she missed her guess, she had to cross four vents to the right to get to the opposite corridor, and she moved quickly, ignoring the pain in her muscles and making sure to duck the censors. Mickey had made sure she knew the ventilation systems in and out of the hospital and how to avoid tripping the censors.

Finally, she got to the fourth vent and peered down. The hallway seemed deserted and it was entirely dark. Taking a chance, she slowly pulled the vent covering into the shaft, and peered out.

Still nothing.

_Here goes,_ she breathed, carefully pulling herself out of the shaft and dropping into the corridor. Landing in a crouch, she whipped her head around, making sure she was alone.

Satisfied the room was clear, she moved to the furthermost wall and..... _there_. She was opposite the fire escape in the main corridor leading to the hospital wing. The _alarmed_ fire escape. Still, there was nothing she could do about that. She needed to get out of this bloody building now.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the door and bolted into the night. Immediately, alarms blared out across the entire campus. Breathing hard, Rose ran barefoot across the grass, dodging floodlights, to the main garage, where Torchwood employees parked, and hid behind a pillar. As she stood trying to catch her breath, she heard doors slamming in the nearby building and raised voices.

They didn't know she was missing yet, but there was a general alert once the alarm went off. She only had a few minutes to get herself out of here because once they checked her room they'd be after her. She needed transport. 

_Aha!_ She grinned to herself, spying Davies' 1993 Porsche 964 Turbo, his pride and joy. She was suddenly very grateful that Mickey had taught her how to hotwire her mum's old Ford when she'd refused to give Rose the keys all those years ago.

Who knew she'd need it so many years later?

And best of all, that prat had even left the window down as usual, thinking nothing could get past Torchwood security. So much the better- it saved her the trouble of smashing the window. She exhaled, popped the lock and slid into the car. Yanking the cover off the steering column, she quickly found the ignition wires and began stripping insulation from them. Now she just had to push the two ends together and it should start anytime...

_Come on_ , she thought frantically, _come on!_

Moments later, the engine purred to life and she shifted into gear and went careening out of the garage. She wound up the driver's window and prayed that the guard would recognise the car and let her out without any chitchat. She'd be hard pressed explain why she was in Davies' car in a hospital gown. Luck finally seemed to be on her side and the gates opened with no questions asked.

Shooting out on onto the road, she drove like woman possessed, heart throbbing and head pounding, watching the rearview mirror for any sign of a tail, until she reached Southwark and pulled over into a small side street, untwisting the wires to stop the car. Flinging open the door, she rushed to the boot and wrenched it open, flinching as her stomach throbbed, and hoping that Davies, like most agents, kept a change of clothes in his car.

Spying a duffel bag, she grabbed it and pulled on the loose t-shirt and tracksuit it contained and shoved her blood-stained hospital gown into the bag. She pulled on the black knit cap and tucked her hair up inside before pulling on the socks and trainers she found at the bottom of the bag. Davies was relatively short, so hopefully they wouldn't be too big. Tightening the laces, she made her way to the Sainsbury's on the corner. armed with several pounds in change she'd pilfered from the glove box. Hopefully she'd have enough to buy a cheap phone to call Mickey.

Once inside the shop, she kept her head down made her way to the phone display, where she spied an old, outdated mobile for five pounds. Fixing a sullen look to her face, she beckoned the sales assistant over and pointed out the phone.

"Jus' 'at one, fanks", she mumbled, hamming up the thick, East End accent she hadn't used in several years. She usually only slipped into it when she was getting excited or upset, these days, and only a little.

"No worries, love," the older man said, pulling it out. 

Counting out five pounds, she pushed the money across the counter and seized the phone. "An' can' I get a sim wif dat? 2 bob credit, fanks."

A few minutes later, she had a working phone. As she turned to go, the shop assistant stopped her.

"You from round here, love? You right to get 'ome? Jus' it's a bit late to be out on your own at 3 in the mornin'...."

Was that the time? Blimey. Still, maybe she could make things more difficult for Davies and the rest of his gang. As it was, they couldn't send out a proper search party without alerting Torchwood proper. They'd have to rely on their own members to go looking.

" 'M fine," she mumbled, trying to look worried. "Jus...if a bloke comes in 'ere, short, slim, blond hair and brown eyes, comes in 'ere askin' about me, don' tell 'him I was 'ere. Please!"

The shopkeeper drew his eyebrows together. "He botherin' you then?"

"Yeah, could say'at. One minute 'm out, next minute 'm wakin up nobbled with somethfin' and me clothes are 'alf gone. N m'phone, m'money, all gone. Made a run for it and came straight 'ere. Nicked these clothes from 'him." She muttered. "An I can't tell no one, 'cause I'm an Estate girl and 'e's some kind of agent. Way it goes, y'know?" She shrugged. 

The grey-haired man barked a bitter laugh. "Yeah, I know. My Jimmy was locked for up six months for somethin' 'e didn't do 'cause it was their word against his."

Rose nodded. "See, an' I don't want 'im to know where I gone to. So please, don' tell 'im you seen me?"

"You got it love. Don' 'ave no time for bastards what do that."

Smiling genuinely for the first time, she breathed a sigh of relief. "Fanks mate. You're all righ'!"

He winked at her. "No worries love, you just run for it. You be alright?"

"Yeah, I'll call a mate."

"Right then. Luck!" he grinned.

"Fanks!

Outside, she made her way back to the car and collapsed into the driver's seat. Her stomach was really starting to bloody hurt.

She carefully dialed the number she had memorized three weeks ago. It went to a secure phone Mickey had bought under a false name in Leeds. He'd never used it and it only had one purpose. As soon as it rang, he'd know what it meant.

It rang twice before Mickey picked up.

"Rose?"

She could already hear him moving in the background.

"They know," she said straightaway. "Davies is one of them. Was takin' me in."

"Fuck. Got the bulletin you'd been injured on mission. Where are you?" There was a jangle of keys in the background.

"Southwark. Nicked Davies' car. Escaped from the hospital."

"Right, meet me at Burgess Park, south end. Dump the car. I'll be there in ten."

"K."

The phone went dead and she leaned her head back against the seat for a moment, catching her breath.

_Come on Rose!_ , she groaned. _You can rest later._

Forcing herself to move, she hot wired the car again and made for the main road. She drove with her lights off and made it to Burgess Park in just under ten minutes. Thankfully at this time of night there was no one else on the road, making it easy to spot if anyone was following her.

Pulling over a few streets away, she heaved herself out of the car and made her way to the park. She moved slowly and painfully, her stomach aching, the wound leaking. Her head throbbed and she was starting to feel weak as the adrenalin wore off. 

_Just a little further, Rose,_ she coached herself. _Just a little further._

Pushing legs forward, she managed to reach the south entrance just as an unfamiliar black sedan skidded to a halt in front of the gate. Mickey leapt out and bolted to her side, cursing as she saw her swaying on her feet. Flinging an arm around her shoulders, he guided her back to the car.

"Fucking hell! You're dead on your feet!"

"S'fine. Just get goin'," she muttered, clutching on to him as he lowered her carefully into the passenger seat.

Cursing again, he slammed the door and bolted round the other side. Moments later, he took off, heading back towards Paddington, and the warehouse they'd set up there. It had belonged to the Preachers back in the Lumix days and Jake and Mickey were the only two alive who knew about it. It was a half hour drive, although at the speed Mickey was going, they'd make it in twenty minutes, tops.

"Here," he said, breaking into her foggy thoughts. "Drink this."

Grabbing the electrolyte drink he offered, she sipped slowly so as not to make herself sick. Several sips later, she felt a little more alert.

"What happened, Rose?"

Rubbing her hand tiredly over her face, she filled Mickey in on everything that had happened since she'd woken up in the hospital bed. He started cursing again two minutes into her story and wound down as she finished, thinking furiously.

"How bad is it? The wound?"

"Dunno," she winced, feeling at it carefully. "Reckon I tore at least two stitches out. Hurts like hell, but otherwise it's OK. Not bleeding too much."

"And your head?"

Patting at it gingerly, she sighed in relief. "Not too bad- bit groggy an' it hurts, but the stitches seem to be intact."

Mickey exhaled. "Right. Could really bloody use that sonic screwdriver right about now."

"Mickey, please don't," she said softly. "I'm barely holdin' it together right now."

"I know, babe, I'm sorry. I just...they almost had you. You know you can't stay here for much longer?"

Nodding wearily, she sighed. "Yeah, I know. My bag's at the safe house. I need to get hold of the cannon so you're gonna have to nick it, since Philomena's going to think I'm either missing or dead, soon enough."

"I've got it in the back," he said.

She turned to him in shock. "What? Why? How"

"The professor called me late last night- you were in hospital at that point, but we were all told it was a code 5 so we couldn't see you until testing was over."

Rose frowned. Code 5 meant that she'd been exposed to dangerous contaminants and could be infectious. Except she hadn't. She'd been assaulted with a sword during a skirmish and hit in the head. Obviously, Davies and his group had been isolating her very carefully. 

"So, what happened?" she asked Mickey.

"Someone had just tried to break into her lab and she was worried about the cannon project- that kind of thing'd be a career maker for anyone. She'd tried you and found out you were on mission, so she called me and asked me to keep it safe until you got back."

"Someone tried to break into her lab, right after I'm injured and almost shipped off to be dissected?" She said slowly. "That's one hell of a coincidence."

"That's what I thought. I left two of my people guarding her until I tell them otherwise. They're camped out in her living room right now."

"Good," she said softly. "I'd hate for anything to happen to her."

Philomena had been her only hope in getting back to the Doctor, to home, a bright light in a dark place, even if she hadn't known it.

"Yeah, I know."

"That's why you were awake when I called," she realised. "You were expecting something."

"Yeah, Jake and I were tryin' to figure out a way in to see you. Only got the bulletin that you'd been injured four hours ago. Your mums been going' spare, demandin' someone let her in to see you. But you know that even Pete can't override a code 5. It's a medical call."

Deliberately pushing aside the thought of her mum worrying, she tried to focus. "Yeah, I know. Right, so we have the cannon. We've tested it once or twice for short jumps, and it's worked so far."

"I have the records you wanted in the name of Jane Phillips," he told her.

"Thanks Micks," she smiled. "No one can beat you on a computer."

"Ain't that the truth," he grinned back.

"So, we have those. Laser blaster and handgun?"

"In the back," he assured her. "Jake was holding on to 'em."

"Right, so that's everything," she said, thinking furiously. "Just need to get patched up enough to make the jump."

"Medical kit's in the back. I can do the basics, at least," he told her. All Torchwood agents were trained in emergency field medicine, so he'd probably be able to fix her stitches, at least.

"You know," she said slowly. "I've been thinkin' and I think I should make the jump from Darlig Ulv Stranden."

"That bleedin' beach in Norway? _Why?"_ he demanded. "Why can't you do it from here?"

"I could," she admitted, "but I can't help thinkin'...if the Doctor could get through enough to talk to me there, after everything had closed up, means the walls might be weaker there, might be gaps or spaces too small to bring a TARDIS through..."

"But big enough to send you through," Mickey finished. "I get it. I don't like it though, 'cause I think the more we move you, the longer you stay in this place, the more dangerous it is."

"I know, Micks, believe me, I don't want to stay here a second longer than I have to!"

"That sounds familiar," he muttered.

Rose sighed. "I'm sorry Micks. Look, you know I love you, yeah? Always have, always will? But this place....I don't belong here, Micks. I told you from the start- it feels...wrong. Dead. And..."

"And you want to get back to him," he nodded. "It's OK Rose, I know. I know you haven't been happy here. And I know you love me, just...not like you love 'im. And that's OK. I'm past all that, now, but...you're still my best friend and I've loved you since you were six months old. An' if it's the only thing I can do for you, I'll help you get back to the man you love."

"Mickey," she whispered, trying to blink back tears. "I don't deserve you."

"Too true, that!" he said brightly, trying to paste on a grin to break the somber mood as he shifted gears again. "But getting back to what you said, I get it. And if you think you need to go to Norway, then we'll get you to Norway."

Sighing with relief, Rose sank back into the chair. "Thanks, Micks."

Before long, they had arrived at the abandoned building and Mickey drove right in and locked the doors. Lifting Rose from the car, he carried her to a plain room with a bed and set her gently down before returning to the car for the medical kit. A moment later, he was back.

"OK, Rose," he said, his setting down various items. "Pull up your shirt and give us a look."

Twenty minutes later, after much swearing, he'd sterilised and cleaned the area and replaced the two torn stiches, Rose clenching her lips against the pain.

"Right," he sighed, pulling off the latex gloves. "That's the best I can do. You need to eat, get some fluid into you and get some rest. Take these pain killers. Not much, but they'll help. Oh, and your bag is over here. But before you do anything else, call your mum!"

"K," she sighed. "Thanks Mick."

"Night Rose," he tossed over his shoulder as he left the room.

Call her mum. This wasn't going to be pleasant. Picking up the spare phone Mickey had brought for her (the other one wasn't safe to use now and Mickey had already chucked it), she dialled. 

"Hello?" A muffled, scratchy voice croaked. 

"Mum," she said softly, "it's me. Whatever you do, don't yell out my name."

_"Rose?"_ Jackie gasped softly. "Why not? What's going on? I've been trying to get you on your mobile for ages!"

"I don't have it anymore," she told her mum. "It was taken from me." Taking a deep breath, she explained the situation and what had happened at the hospital. Jackie was was livid when Rose refused to tell her where she was and only Rose's firm insistence that telling _anyone_ could endanger her kept her from pushing further.

To her surprise, however, her mother believed her story about people hunting her almost immediately. But then, their lives were so very different from what they were- her mother had grown used to the impossible.

"So, this thing with your blood- what is it? Is it a disease?"

"No mum. It's- it means my DNA is changing. I'm changing. I told you what they said- I don't know anymore 'n you do."

"And those nutters want to put you under the knife and cut you up like bloody ET, is that it?"

Barking a laugh, Rose gulped some water down. "Yeah, somethin' like that."

There was a pause. "I wish that ruddy alien were here. He'd sort this out."

_Me too,_ Rose couldn't help but wish.

"I know mum, but he can't, this time. This time, I have to get to him. He can help me but I have to help myself too."

"How are you going to do it?" Jackie asked softly. "How are you getting back?"

"The professor and I have developed the dimension cannon concept and we've tested it and it'll work. Bit like the dimension hoppers that Pete used to get us here. Mickey's got it here, and once I'm well enough, I think...I think I should go to Norway to use it. To the beach."

There was a pause. "Put Mickey on the phone. And you get some rest in the meantime."

"Mum?"

"Just you do as I say, Rose Tyler!"

Sighing tiredly, Rose gave in. Mickey'd make sure her mum didn't do anything crazy.

"Right. I'll talk to you when I can mum. Love you."

"Love you too, sweetheart."

Shifting herself off the bed, she toddled off to find Mickey. Soon, she was tucked up in bed, the events of the day whirling through her mind. Despite that, however, she soon slept.

The next morning, she awoke to find that she had been declared dead in a 'tragic car accident".

"Rose Tyler, daughter of well-known billionaire and founder of Vitex Industries Pete Tyler, and his wife Jackie, has been killed in a tragic collision with a gas truck," the radio news announcer droned. "Close sources say that she was in an ambulance en-route to London's University College Hospital for treatment of a serious medical condition when the ambulance collided with the truck, which instantly ignited. We understand that a memorial service will be held at St James' in Kensington. President Harriet Jones herself is expected to attend. Our deepest sympathies are with the Tyler family during this difficult time."

Rose swallowed and turned off the radio. "Guess they figured it was safer to declare me dead. That way, when they found me, they could get on with their little experiments."

"Yeah, s'pose," Mickey muttered. "Jackie didn't say anything about a funeral, but I guess it makes sense."

"What?"

"Well, we figured they'd do this- say you'd died. So Jacks said that after that, Pete would say he's taking her away for a holiday, you know, to grieve privately. Then we'd meet 'em a few streets away from here and we'd all head on up to Norway. Least you could see your mum and Tony before...you know."

"Yeah," she swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. "I know. So when is my funeral?" she tried to smile.

"Tomorrow, apparently. Because of the explosion, there's no...they're having an empty coffin. Symbolic."

"Right," she muttered. "So hang about here and recharge today, tomorrow night we head for Norway?"

"Yeah, guess so," he exhaled.

And surprisingly, it had all gone pretty much to plan. She'd spent the day with Mickey, eating and drinking everything he forced on her, and resting as much as possible.

The following night, disguised in a long black coat, long red wig and green contacts, she left the warehouse with Mickey to meet her mother and Pete a few streets away. The car arrived shortly after they did and they'd spent the next day and half driving to Norway, with only short rest stops and one over night stop in a tiny motel. When pressed, they'd said Rose was Jackie's nurse, there to look after her after the death of her daughter. No one paid her any attention after that.

Finally, on the evening of the second day, they arrived at Darlig Ulv Stranden. Rose had hated this place this place for four years, and she'd hoped never to see it again. It was where all her hope had died. But, now... now it was her hope would be born. It was the place that would help her to get home. As the family gathered round to say their goodbyes, Mickey set up the cannon. 

Rose turned to Pete first and hugged him. "Thanks for taking me in," she smiled. "And for helping me, and looking out for me. And drivin' me up here all the way- twice now!"

"It's been a pleasure Rose," he'd patted her back awkwardly. "You're a damn good agent and a wonderful person. I'm sorry it all ended like this."

"That's ok," she smiled. "We both know I don't belong here, never did. It's time I went home. And you can get cracking on those nutters at Torchwood!" she added. "You have at least two names to go on."

"Oh, I will," he nodded grimly. "I've already got Jake on it."

Then she turned to a very confused Tony and kissed him. She told him she'd miss him and that she loved him very much. He was half asleep and didn't really understand what was going on. She knew her mum would tell him someday, but for now...better he didn't know.

After that, she turned to her mum, unable to hold back the tears. They'd said goodbye so many times in the car on the way up, but this was it. It was final. "I love you mum," she choked. "Love you so much."

"I love you too, sweetheart," her mum whispered back, clutching her tightly. "I'll miss you so much, but I know you'll be happy because you're with himself."

"Have to get there first, mum," she tried to laugh, trying to push away the thought that he might not want her when she did find him.

"You will!" Jackie insisted. "I know you will. You're Rose Tyler, my Rose and you can do anything. I'm so proud of you Rose and I want you to know that, new blood cells or no new blood cells, you're still my daughter and always will be and I'll always love you."

Rose said nothing, and hugged her mum more tightly.

"You take care of yourself, sweetheart. I love you."

"Love you too, mum," Rose sniffed before pulling away.

Last of all, she turned to Mickey. "Micks...I...."

"Don't get all sappy on me now, Rose," he swallowed. "I...you look after yourself, alright? And you tell 'im from me that if he don't look after you properly, if he hurts you, I'm comin' after 'him!"

She choked a laugh. "I will. And you- take care of yourself, and keep an eye on mum for me. And...and I hope you find someone amazin' that will love you like you deserve."

"Me too," he grinned, blinking back tears. "I am amazing, after all."

"Yeah," she smiled tearily. "You are. Love you so much, Micks. Always will."

"Love you too babe." Wiping roughly at his face, he cleared his throat. "Enough with the waterworks, now. You get over there and find your Doctor."

_Her Doctor._

Suddenly, she felt very, very light. 

She knew that getting out of this universe was only the first step, and it might take any number of random jumps until she was able to get back to the right universe, to the right time. The temporal controls on the canon were still being developed, but she'd have to make do.

_But she was going to find her Doctor._

Oh, it might take her months, even years to find him. He might have moved on. He might not want her back on board, much as it hurt her to admit. But she had to try. Because he was worth it. Because she knew he'd help her, no matter what. He'd know how to stop the stars from going out. And who knew? He might still want her back. 

But either way, she'd be home. In the same place as the TARDIS. She'd be able to feel her again and the gaping wound in her very being would be healed.

It was time. Time to go home. 

She took a deep breath, smiled at them all one last time, pressed the button and _jumped_.


	2. The Worst Laid Plans of Mice and Time Lords

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Here we have the next chapter of this little fic. As always, I don't own Dr Who. The recognisable snippet of dialogue from JE between Rose, the Doctor and his clone at the beginning of this story is obviously the property of BBC Wales. All hail.

“You have to go back.”

Even as he uttered the words condemning him to his lonely, bleak existence, the Doctor managed to keep his expression free of heartbreak. Just.  
It was almost funny in a brutal, ironic sort of way. After he’d lost her the last time, he’d sworn that if he ever had the chance to see her again, he’d tell her what she meant to him, that he’d keep her with him as long as she was willing to stay. Now, here he was sending her away and into the arms of another man…sort of.

It wasn’t fair.

The other occupants of the console room gazed at him in shock- all except his double, who looked angry. Donna actually squawked. Even the TARDIS flashed her lights menacingly as they prepared to cross the void to return to Pete’s Universe. Thank God Jackie was in the library, or he’d have had to deal with her too.

As it was, Rose’s look of hurt rejection nearly undid him. He couldn’t stand to see her hurt. Her being hurt hurt _him_. It hurt him to see her _here_ , where she belonged after all this time. It hurt him to send her away. He just hurt. 

“You want me to leave? After everything I’ve done to get back to you, Doctor, and everything I’ve been through, you just want me to go back? Without so much as a word? I’m not leaving! I won’t!”

 _No!_ he wanted to shout. _I don’t want you to go back. I want you to stay here, with me, where you belong!_

However, what he actually said was, _“But you've got to. Because we saved the universe, but at a cost. And the cost is him. He destroyed the Daleks. He committed genocide. He's too dangerous to be left on his own.”_

His double scowled at him, ruffling his admittedly fabulous brown hair in agitation. _“You made me!”_

 _“Exactly! You were born in battle, full of blood and anger and revenge.”_ Turning to Rose, he tried to smile. _“Remind you of someone? That's me, when we first met. And you made me better. Now you can do the same for him._

Rose shook her head, her beautiful brown eyes full of angry tears. _“But he's not you.”_

The Doctor tried to smile. _“He needs you. That's very me.”_

That was nothing but truth. He needed her. Always had and always would.

And he had to send her away. For her own good, he knew she’d see that in the end.  
Despite the fact that he was breaking his own hearts, he took a deep breath and prepared tell her about the clone’s human lifespan. Once she had that information, he was almost certain she’d seize the chance of having a version of him that could match her lifespan, one that could give her the life she deserved. They needed to settle this quickly because once they crossed the void, they wouldn’t have long. They’d have to be off quickly to avoid being sealed in.

And, if he were to be entirely honest with himself, this hurt too much. He wanted it to be over. At least this way he could be sure the other him and Rose would live the one adventure he could never have. At least she’d be happy and safe.

Before he could open his mouth, however, Rose spoke, very, very quietly.

“No.”

“But Rose-“

And suddenly, she wasn’t speaking so quietly. “I said _no_ , Doctor! Don’t you dare try and play with me!”

He gaped at her. “What? I’m not playing with you! I’m trying to give you me! A me who can grow old with you! Don’t you understand Rose? He can give you what I can’t!”

 _Oh smooth, Doctor,_ he mentally kicked himself. _Just blurt out your feelings for all and sundry to hear, why don’t you?_

Yet again, however, Rose surprised him.

“You mean you want him to give me what you _won’t_.”

_Won’t? Oh Rose, if only I could! I want to so much._

“Rose-“

“No!” She rounded on him, glaring, hands on her hips. “I’ve listened to what you have to say and now you, for once in this regeneration, are going listen to _me_!

He visibly flinched at that. Is that what she thought? “Rose, how could you think-“

“Shut it! I’m not stupid, Doctor! You think this other you is really dangerous? Because he did what had to be done?”

“He is! Rose, how can you-.”

“I had to!” The metacrisis growled, cutting him off. “You damn well know that. I. Had. To!”

“We never have to do that!” He couldn’t help but growl back.

“That’s _bollocks_ , Doctor!” Rose shouted, making him blink. He’d never seen her so angry with him. “Total bollocks. You know bloody well that if he hadn’t, we’d all be worse than dead! The entire multi-verse would have ceased to exist! “

“Besides,” the other him growled, now angered to the point of rage. “It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve had to do that, would it?”

“Don’t you dare!” The Doctor seethed at his blue-suited counterpart.

His double ignored him. “You remember how the Time War ended, don’t you Doctor?” he taunted.

“Stop it!” He shouted at his double.

“Why should I?” the metacrisis pushed. “I only did what you did, after all. Are you going to exile yourself too?”

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

“So why are you punishin’ _him_ , then?” Rose shouted, her accent getting stronger the angrier she got. “Exilin’ him! Forever! And worse, you’re lockin’ him in the wrong universe, cut-off from the Vortex forever, cut off from the TARDIS! He won’t be able to feel her; there’ll just be a gaping hole in his mind, for the rest of his life! How could you do that to him? You couldn’t stand being cut-off from the TARDIS for two nights on Krop Tor!”

The Doctor jolted in shock. Well, yes, that was true…but ….Rassilon, how on earth hadn’t he thought of that? The _bond!_ Of course there was a bond. But still…“He’d have you.”

Rose scoffed. “Oh yeah, that’ll make it all better. Broken bond with the TARDIS, sealed off from her forever in the wrong universe, the memories of a life he can never have back, bein’ a completely different species, trying to adjust to a human life with a woman who was pushed off onto him because he used to be you- and you think it’ll all be better because he has me!”

The metacrisis flushed at that. “I- I _do_ want you Rose. I am still him, you know. I’ll always want you.”

Despite her anger, Rose’s expression softened slightly. “I know you do- _now_. But that’s because until you were him until a few hours ago. You came into existence wanting me because he did, on some level. But now you’re not him anymore! You’re half-human, and you’re about to enter a totally different life, without his influence. You’ll have experiences he won’t, you might have different feelings, and you have the right to find out for yourself, without having the choice taken from you.” 

Turning to the Doctor, she scowled, all softness gone. “He deserves to find out for himself, to be his own person. Or did you even think about that? You want him to step in and pretend to be you, never mind what it does to him! He’ll always be feeling as though he has to act, tryin’ to be something he never can because he'll always be a different man, wearin’ your face! An’ never mind what it’ll do to me, being locked away with a man who might grow to resent me because he’ll feel as though he’s never good enough! That he was given to me to make up for the fact that the man I loved didn’t want me!”

The Doctor swallowed, hating reality more than ever. He loved her, _oh Rassilon,_ he loved her so much it hurt. “Rose- you can’t think that I-you _must_ know how I feel about you.”

She shook her head in anger. “I thought I did, until you tried to manipulate me and _lie_ to get me to go back where I don’t belong just so I can’t bother you anymore.”

“I didn’t lie to you!”

“Yeah?” she scoffed. “Tell me Doctor, if you _really_ thought he was dangerous, would you lock him away in a Universe where you can’t stop him, where no one would have any chance of stopping him? Time Lord brain, human instincts, human impulses, remember?” She taunted. “With his knowledge, if he were dangerous, would you lock him up where he can kill millions of innocent people? Lock him away with _me_?”

In spite of himself, the Doctor inhaled sharply. Somehow, that had completely escaped him as well. How had he missed that? He never missed things! He was brilliant! How on earth had he missed _two_ important factors?

 _Because you’re so desperate to give her the life you want her to have that you just kept pushing, didn’t think it through, you twit!_ A suspiciously Northern voice sounded in his head. _Good thing she did, or you might have condemned her to a life of misery with a man who might grow to hate her because of it. Ape brain that you are!_

Rose nodded bitterly at his lack of response, apparently taking his silence as confirmation of his guilt. “Thought so. So let’s get this out here and now- I’m not going back. If you don’t want me, if I’ve passed my expiration date, then so be it, but I. Am. Staying. Here. After you take mum back,” – and here her voice trembled- “you take me where I need to go and I’ll be out of your hair for good.”

 _“What?”_ He gasped, his usually magnificent brain a jumble of thoughts. She wasn’t staying with her family…but she was leaving him anyway? “Rose-I, your mum, that is-“

“Mum knows I won’t be goin’ back! She wants me to stay here, even if she never gets to see me again.” She shot back. “And if you’d bothered asking why _before_ you tried yankin’ me around by the strings, you’d know there are reasons I _can’t_ go, reasons why I can _never_ go back.”

He scrabbled at the console even as he stared in her in horror, clutching fiercely at a lever as they entered the void. “I- wouldn’t- I’d NEVER treat you like a puppet!”

Amazingly, this time the entry was smooth- no jolts, no bumps. Of course, that could be down to the metacrisis and Donna, who had both stepped up and assisted him in navigating. It had been a long time since he’d been in a TARDIS flown by more than one Time Lord.

And it’d never happen again.

Rose scoffed. “Oh really? Isn’t that what you always do? Make me come and go depending on what _you_ think is best without listening to me? ‘Come Rose, go Rose, sit, stay, _beg_ Rose!” She sniffed angrily. “Isn’t the first time you’ve tried to send me off when I don’t want to go, is it? Well, not this time! You don’t want me, fine!”

Shoving her hand into her jacket pocket she pulled out a folded piece of paper. Marching towards him, she thrust it at him. “You just take me there and I’ll be out of your hair for good.”

With that, she marched out of the console room, boots clacking on the grating. Presumably she’d gone to the library to spend the little time she had left with Jackie.

The console room was silent after her departure, and predictably, it was Donna who spoke first.

“Well, wasn’t that just _wizard_.”

The Doctor sighed. “Donna, you don’t understand-“

“Oi! _Talkin’_ here, Martian boy! I understand everything- I have your brain in mine, remember!” She grimaced. “Thank God for my brain because otherwise I’d be _stupid_!”

“Donna-“

“Don’t you _Donna_ me, you spineless chipmunk! Thanks to your chicken-heart, the woman you love, the woman you’ve been _pining_ over since I met you thinks you don’t want her and is planning to leave you! For good! Not that I blame her, seeing as how you just tried to fob her off on Handy over here-”

“Oi!” the metacrisis interjected. “Stop calling me Handy!”

Donna ignored him. “-And lock her away in the _wrong_ universe, despite the fact that she doesn’t want to go. Oh, and let’s ignore the fact that she managed the impossible and _came back_ to you, spent who knows _how_ long and suffered who knows what just to get back to you in the first place. Not that you’d know about it since you haven’t even bothered asking.”

The irate redhead stalked closer, stabbing her finger at him. Despite himself, the Doctor edged backwards. Donna on a rampage was scary enough. Irate _Time Lady Donna_ …well, no thanks.

“And now, we find out that, amazingly, that there are things we didn’t know- surprise, surprise! Things so big that apparently even her _mum_ wants her to stay here. To say nothing,” and here her glare worsened, “of the fact that you were about to lock her away permanently in an alternate universe with an unprecedented, untested metacrisis.” 

Pausing, she cast an apologetic look at his double before continuing. “You don’t know if he’s viable beyond a few days! You don’t know anything about his physiology, or if it’s stable. And even if _that_ weren’t an issue, you deranged string-bean, which it bloody well is, she’s right! He’s not you anymore. He’s part me. Part human! He’s got his own personality now, and you wanted him to play at being you! And locked away from the TARDIS! That’s not fair! To either of them! But you didn’t stop to think about that, did you? Oh no, why should you? This way everything falls neatly into place according to your plans and you can keep right on being the lonely Time Lord, because you’re too bleedin’ _stupid_ to take happiness when it’s _given_ to you!”

Chest heaving, Donna shook her head at the stupefied Time Lord. “You’d better hope she’s more forgiving than I’d be in her place. Go and _beg_ her for forgiveness before you lose her! And something tells me, Doctor, that she won’t be so easy to find if she leaves.” She sniffed, hand rubbing at her forehead. “I’m going to lie down. And you’d better fix this, or so help me, Doctor, I’ll kick your arse so hard you’ll be feeling it three regenerations from now!”

With that, she turned and stalked out of the room. The slam of her bedroom door echoed down the corridor a moment later.

The Doctor and his double looked at each other warily.

“We’ll be there in a few minutes,” the Time Lord murmured.

“Yeah, I know,” the other man muttered. Scuffing the sole of one Converse on the grating, he scowled at the floor.

“They’re right, you know.” He continued.

The Doctor blinked. “What?”

The metacrisis sighed. “They’re right. You never thought about…about what it would do to me if I were sealed away from the TARDIS. If the bond broke. Or even what would happen now that…I’m you but _not_ you anymore.” Taking a deep breath, he exhaled shakily. “it’s true-I’m not a Time Lord anymore. Weeeelll, I have your mind and memories- “seeing the Time Lord about to interrupt, he pressed on hastily, “but I’m not _you_ anymore. I can’t do the things you can do, make the decisions you do, live the life you do. And the only reason she wants me is because she wants you.” 

He gulped, looking vulnerable. “And once she realises that I’m different, once she sees I’m changing, she won’t want me anymore. She might grow to resent me.”

“Rose wouldn’t do that!” The Doctor growled.

“But she wouldn’t be able to help it,” the clone argued. “because she wants you and I’m _not_ you. And even if she didn’t grow to hate me, even if she still wanted me, I’d be living in your shadow, knowing she’s only with me because she wanted you, because you told her I _am_ you. Don’t you realise how cruel that is? She wants _you_ and you’re forcing her to make-do with a lookalike! What kind of life is that? Who knows? I might find one day that I’m not with her because I want her, but because _you_ did! I won’t do it. Not to me and not to Rose. She deserves more than that! She deserves _everything_! Even if, even _though_ it’ll cost me my chance with her now, I won’t lie to her like that, I won’t pretend I’m you. Because she’s right.” 

Lifting his head proudly, he spoke lowly, saying the words the Doctor never had. “Because, even if they're only your feelings instead of my own, I love her too much to do that to her. And I _respect_ her enough to accept her choice. What about you?”

The words cut the Doctor to the hearts. He loved Rose! Respected Rose! Always had! How dare this-this _mistake_ come along and say he didn’t!

However, before he could respond, the TARDIS landed with a light bump.

They had arrived in Pete’s world.

He took a deep breath. “Our…our time here is limited.”

The clone nodded shortly. He knew that.

“You’d better go and get Jackie and…and…” He trailed off, because he didn’t know what to say. Rose had made it clear that she wasn’t staying here, no matter what he thought. On the other hand, sure as hell couldn’t send his double out there now. Not now that, at the very least, he’d considered the broken TARDIS bond, to say nothing of…other things. He’d have to run some tests on his double at some point…examine his physiology…

However, at that moment, Jackie Tyler walked into the console room, arm in arm with Rose, and his attention went immediately to her, as ever it did.

_Rose._

“Rose says the TARDIS said we’ve arrived?”

He jerked his attention back to Jackie in shock. _Rose says the TARDIS said? Since when have they been able to communicate directly?_

“Right then.” Jackie took a deep breath and turned to Rose, taking her daughter’s hands in her own. “You stay in here sweetheart- I don’t want you setting foot outside those doors, just in case…” She trailed off and sniffed. “We can…we can say goodbye here. I know you said I wouldn’t be able to see you again, but you can’t stop me livin’ in hope! Said goodbye once before, didn’t we? And now look at us!” She smiled mistily at her teary daughter. “I just….I want you to know I love you more than anything, and I’m so proud of you. And no matter what changes, love, you’ll always be my daughter. You’ll always be my Rose.”

“I love you too mum,” Rose sniffed, hugging her mum tightly. “No matter what, I’ll always love you. Take care of Tony and…and Pete.”

Dropping tear-filled kisses on her daughter’s face and hair, Jackie finally sniffed and drew back.

“Right, I have to go love, before that glorified tunnel closes and you’re all stuck here for good. You look after yourself and remember I love you.”

Turning away, she paused for a moment and hugged the metacrisis, murmuring something to him before beckoning the Doctor outside. Nodding numbly, he followed her, casting a lingering look at Rose who wiped her eyes before fleeing back down the corridor.

It was settled then. She wasn’t staying in this universe. Despite himself, his hearts beat faster at the thought. _She wasn’t staying in this universe._

Rose.

His Rose. Maybe…

Shaking himself out of that dangerous thought, he followed Jackie outside and, at her prompting, closed the door. Glancing around, Jackie rolled her eyes. 

“Bloody Norway. Back of beyond! I’ll have to call Pete.”

Jaw clenched as he gazed at the hated Darlig Ulv Stranden, the Doctor sighed.  
“It’s where the breach came out, Jackie. I didn’t choose it, believe me. I have no love for this place.”

Titling her head, she gazed at him considering. “I s’pose you don’t. Now, you listen to me Doctor, I need to talk to you before you go.” Glaring at him, she stabbed him in the chest with her finger. “You don’t bring her back here. _Ever_. D’you understand me? If you land here by accident somehow, you don’t let her out of those doors. It ain’t safe!

The Doctor’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, not safe? What’s going on Jackie?”

Jackie sighed tiredly. “You ask Rose. She’ll tell you.”

“But-“

“But nothing! We don’t have much time and it ain’t my story to tell! Just ask her. Promise me you’ll never bring her back.”

“I-yes-“

“Promise!”

“I promise!” he croaked. What the hell was going on?

“Good,” she nodded. “You see that you do. Oh!” She narrowed her eyes at him. “And _that’s_ for tryin’ to leave her here! “

Before he knew it, he was sporting a stinging cheek courtesy of one Jackie Tyler slap.

“Ow! What the hell, Jackie? I thought you’d want her with you! I didn’t know there was a reason not to send her back with her family!”

“Yes you did, you alien git!” She glared at him. “She told you she didn’t want to go back and you should have respected that! That should have been reason enough! You tried to make her go back anyway.” 

Stabbing him in the chest again, she glared. “I love my Rose, Doctor. She was all I had for so long that I was terrified to let her go, even if it made her happy. But you know what? The day I saw her face when you sent her back from the future, when I saw what it did to her…I knew I’d have to. Because she’s not happy livin’ an ordinary life, Doctor. She’s happy with you. Livin’ your mad life. She nearly killed herself getting back to you, when you were still Big Ears, because she preferred dyin’ with you to livin’ without you. You didn’t see her here, for four years, existin’ but not livin’. She was miserable, even before anything else happened. She doesn’t belong here, Doctor and it’d be selfish of me to try to keep her here even if I could. When you love someone, Doctor,” and here she glared at him, “you want what’s best for them, what makes them happy, even if it hurts you. And you _respect_ them enough to let them choose their own path.”

His mouth fell open. Had _Jackie Tyler_ just said that? Really?

“Oh close your mouth, you plum, you look like a bleedin’ goldfish.”

He shut his jaw with a snap.

Shaking her head, Jackie sighed. “I’m not stupid, you know. Never had a fancy education or a posh accent but m’ not stupid. I can learn as much as the next person.”

Unable to help himself, the Time Lord smiled. “No, Jackie Tyler, you’re far from stupid.”

She sniffed. “Too right! Now you take care of my girl. And don’t you dare go leaving her anywhere or so help me, I’ll find a way to get back there and slap you into your next face! And don’t you think I won’t! You’re all she has now, and she shouldn’t be alone just because you’re a stupid alien git who won’t pull his head out of his arse and love her back! She deserves better.”

His throat clogged. He couldn’t argue with that- Rose did deserve better. But still…Exhaling nervously, the Doctor his head. “Jackie, I can’t… It’s not like that. I don’t _do_ that.”

“Bollocks, you’ve been in love with my daughter since the day I met you- the _first_ you,” she added pointedly.

“Jackie I can’t…don’t you understand? I can’t give her a human life! No house, no curtains, no white picket fence. I can’t grow old with her. The other one, he could have if…but well…I’m sure she told you about that. And it’s dangerous- my life is _dangerous_ , Jackie. Imagine what could happen to her if I…if they knew that she was… ”

Rolling her eyes heavenwards, Jackie sighed in exasperation. “Lord, an’ I thought you were s’posed to be a genius. Doctor, she doesn’t _want_ that life- the house and the fence and the ruddy curtains. If she had, she’d have stayed with Mickey! Dangerous? Her life _here_ was dangerous, even before it got...complicated. Runnin’ after aliens day in and day out, windin’ up in hospital more times than I care to think about. Workin’ mad hours, never at home…what d’you think she was _doin’_ at Torchwood? Bakin’ pies?”

Stifling a wince at the thought of Rose being injured, he cut in impatiently. “Yes, but-“

“But nothin’! When she wasn’t off with aliens, she was slavin’ over books for hours, workin’ with that professor woman on that bleedin’ cannon to get back to you, you great plum! Oh, she tried to be happy here, in the meantime, tried to build a life until she got back to you. She worked hard, studied accelerated courses. Sat her A levels. Graduated university, she did,” the proud mother added smugly. “My Rose. She worked herself to the bone, and she was never happy unless she was workin’ on comin’ home- to _you_ and your bloody great box,” she added pointedly. “And now you want to send her away somewhere because you suddenly think it’s too dangerous with you? Bollocks! You’re just plain scared!”

“Stop it!” he snapped, his barely contained feelings making him lash out. “No matter how much I might want…she’s human Jackie, and no matter what I do, how careful I am, one day she’s going to grow old and die, and I’ll still be here. I can’t…I can’t face that! You can’t know what it’s like to carry that for the rest of your life!”

Jackie narrowed her eyes. “Oh, course I can’t. It’s not as if I loved and married a man and had a child with ‘im and lost ‘im not a year later! Not as though I missed him for years. Not as though I don’t know what it’s like to spend half your life wantin’ them back with everything you have.”

He flushed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. But Jackie, I could live for hundreds of years! Can you imagine missing someone for that long?”

“Yeah, actually, I can,” she told him. “Happens all the time, outlivin’ a loved one. My aunt Julie lost her husband a year after they were married an’ she loved him until the day she laid her head in the dust. She mourned him for sixty-seven years, and she never regretted a day she spent with him, even if it hurt after ‘e was gone. Maybe humans don’t live for thousands of years, maybe we don’t change our faces, like you do, but does that make it any easier? Any less painful? Sixty years to us is still the rest of our lives, same as six hundred is to you. And people take the risk anyway, Doctor. Because it’s worth it, worth the pain for the happiness you’ll get. Otherwise, you’ll have pain enough anyway, and no joy. What’s the point of that? What kind of livin’ is that?”

Taking a breath, she tugged at her grey jacket as a strong breeze ruffled the strands of her bleached blond hair. “Doctor, we all take risks when it comes to lovin’. An’ if you don’t you’ll only hurt yourself more. Thing is though, you’re not just hurtin’ yourself- you’re hurtin’ Rose, too. You love her, and she loves you, but you’re so worried about protectin’ yourself that you don’ even see how much you’re hurtin’ _her_. Even now she wants to leave because she thinks that’s what _you_ want, because even now, your happiness is more important to her than her own. Just remember, Doctor- she’s not tryin’ to change your life, Doctor- she wants to share it!”

The Doctor inhaled sharply. _Selfish. Afraid. Hurt. Rose. Share._ Those words had struck a mark but if he allowed them to be right, if Jackie was right….He couldn’t allow himself to consider what that meant. What it would mean for his life. For Rose.

_Rose._

Taking a deep breath, he noticed that the breeze was getting stronger, making a mess of his already disheveled hair.

“I don’t want to hurt her,” he said softly. “I’ve never wanted to hurt her. I…I’ve always tried to do what’s best for her. That’s...that’s why I wanted her to stay here, with…with the other one, and with you. That way she’d have me, have a life with me, in a way, and could be with someone who put her first…”

“And you could leave her imagining she’s happy and you wouldn’t have to risk your heart,” Jackie cut in. “And you could keep imaginin’ her that way forever- young and happy. You’d never have to know any different because she’d be locked away and you’d never see her again. Never have to know if she got sick. If he left her. If he hurt her. If she died. If _he_ died. You’d be clean away with a nice little memory and you’d never ‘ave to know different.”

The Doctor scowled. “It’s nothing so self-centered.”

Jackie shrugged. “Course it is. You don’t want to hang around and see what happens because you’re scared and then you might regret takin’ decisions that weren’t yours to make anyway. You want to put it all together and take off so you never have to find out if anything went wrong, so you don’t have to live with the consequences. It’s about you, not her, or even the other one- the human one, I mean.”

He said nothing and stood pensively, his coat flapping in the breeze. . He was afraid of Jackie’s words-words he didn’t want to concede the justice of.

 _Always a coward,_ he thought bitingly, as the wind tangled his hair madly.

Jackie sighed, taking his silence for stubborn disagreement. “Look, Doctor, you have to understand- even if she wanted to, even if it _could_ have worked with other you here, she _can’t come back_. So you put that thought right out of your head.”

“ _Why_?” He couldn’t help but ask. “Jackie, what’s really going on here?”

Pausing, she seemed to deliberate for a moment before taking a deep breath and saying the last thing he expected. “In this universe, Rose Marion Tyler is dead and buried, and she has to stay that way. And don’t go askin’ me why!” She added hastily, seeing his shock. “I’ve already said more ‘n I should. You ask Rose.”

He nodded numbly, mind reeling in shock. _Dead_ in this universe?

Suddenly, however, he felt the TARDIS start to shake, and her hum grew frantic.  
That could only mean one thing- the breach was slowly starting to close. He had to go. And once again, he had to face the inescapable fact that Rose wasn’t staying here, couldn’t stay here. 

His hearts soared.

What did that mean for him? For them? What did he want it to mean?

Did it mean anything? Would he and Rose live on the TARDIS together as they had before, as platonic friends? Forget the words of love she had spoken and he had almost confessed?

Would they be _more_? His hearts beat faster just at the thought.

Or should he drop Rose wherever it was she wanted to go and move on as he always did?

The very idea of dropping her off, however, jarred something deep within.  
His mind swirled and his hearts ached. She had to stay on the TARDIS. He’d already lost her once, and now almost again, by his own hand. He didn’t think he could do it again. But he’d think about this later. Taking a deep breath, he drew on centuries of reserve and put a lid on his emotions. His mind calmed and his hearts slowed.

There, that was better.

Turning to Jackie, he couldn’t help but smile at her. He’d miss her. Despite her brash personality and slap-happy tendencies, he’d miss her. He had missed her. She was a good woman, and she’d been family to him too, if only for a little while.

“Jackie, I-“

“Oh, come ‘ere, you great plum!” She huffed, grabbing him in a bear hug, even as her eyes filled. She knew it was time. “I’ve missed you, you know.” She drew back, sniffing wiping her eyes on her sleeve before shaking a finger at him. “You take care of yourself and remember what I said! And you take care of my Rose, Doctor! You’re all she has now. If you leave her, so help me, I’ll….I’ll come after you! You hear me? Don’t you leave her!”

“I’ll miss you too, Jackie Tyler.” He smiled, swallowing past a sudden lump in his throat. “And….and whatever happens, I’ll do my best to take care Rose.”

“You’d better!” She sniffed. “An’ you let her take care of you, too. Stupid alien git.” Wiping her eyes again, she waved her hand at him. “You’d best be off before it’s too late, Doctor.”

“Yes, ma’am,” He smiled, touching his forehead in salute.

“Oh, go on with you then!”

Sniffling, she gently patted the doors of the TARDIS who hummed at her mournfully. Then, with a deep sigh, she turned and marched off down the beach, blinking back tears.

She didn’t look back.

Silently, the Doctor turned and entered the TARDIS, the door closing softly behind him.

His double stepped up and together, they initiated the dematerialisation sequence. A moment later, accompanied by the usual grinding, the TARDIS flickered and then vanished altogether.

A little way down the beach, a trembling Jackie Tyler listened to the familiar sound for the very last time before fishing out her mobile.

Pushing a button, she waited, blinking furiously to keep back her tears.

“Pete? It’s me, I’m back. In Norway.” Choking a laugh, she added, “On that bleedin’ beach, if you can believe it.” Taking a deep breath, she pushed on. “It’s done. I saw her. And...and she’s- she’s gone.”

And with that, control vanished and she began to sob.

“Oh, Jacks. Hold on love, “ her husband soothed. “I’m coming to get you. I’ve got a zeppelin on standby and I’ll be there as soon as I can. You wait for me in the hotel. I’m coming, love.”

Sniffing, she tried to get herself under control. She wanted to go home.  
And she never wanted to see this bloody beach ever again.  
_____________________________________________________________________________

The Doctor stared at the identical face across the console.

They had just cleared the Void and re-entered the vortex. Ideally, they should let the TARDIS rest here for a few days to recover from not one but _two_ trips across the void. 

So really, that meant he had plenty of time, now. Time to come up with a new plan about what to do with the metacrisis, time to work out what to do about Donna- and about Rose. However, he was currently stumped, something that rarely happened to him.

It was that last factor (the _Rose_ factor, as he called it) that had him particularly stumped.

On the one hand, there were the same old tired reasons he’d always used to distance himself. He was a Time Lord. He had a longer life span. He couldn’t take the risk. Time Lords didn’t take up with humans- there were rules about that sort of thing, even though he was the only one left to remember those rules. He was dangerous. His life was dangerous.

On the other hand, _Rose_ was here. And that was the key point, wasn’t it? After three long years, _Rose. Was. Here._

Back in the TARDIS. Back where she belonged. After he thought he’d lost her forever, after he’d been wracked with regret for all the things he didn’t say, the chances he’d never taken. And if he didn’t stop her, she’d leave again. And he doubted she’d be coming back this time.

He thought about what he should do, and what he _wanted_ to do. They were completely opposite courses of action. Weeeell, not opposite. Just misaligned. Out of whack. Different, if you please. Hence his current state of befuddlement.

_So what now?_

A sudden mental prod from his double made him look up, the surprise dispelling his thoughts. It’d been years since someone had done that to him.

“Talk to her.”

“Who?” he asked, arching a brow in mock confusion. He knew perfectly well who.

The other man narrowed his eyes in consternation. “You know very well who. _Rose_.”

“What about?” he stalled, playing for time. It wasn’t that he was scared. Oh, no. He simply needed time. It was just that he wanted to be clear about what he wanted to say. Yes, that was it. Very prudent. Quite prudent, in fact.  
Sadly, however, his usual stalling tactics didn’t work with the man who shared his face- probably because that man also shared his _brain_ (or at least, a copy of it), and his memories.

“You can’t fool me with that, you know,” the other told him, adjusting his blue jacket. “I know how you think. Go. And. Talk. To. Rose- and before you say anything,” he added hastily, “I’ll go and sort out some barriers for Donna before that brain of ours causes her mind to implode. The TARDIS has had her in an induced sleep since before we entered the void, so she’s safe enough for now. The barriers should hold for a month or so. That gives us time to sort out what’s going on.”

Marching around the console, he nudged the brown-suited Time Lord towards the corridor. “And while I’m doing that, you’re going to go and talk to the woman who means _everything_ and you’re going to beg her to forgive you and stay here. And for once in your lives,” he added, scowling, “you are going to _listen_ to what she has to say before opening your mouth!”

With that, he turned on his rubber-soled heel and stalked off to Donna’s room.

The Doctor grimaced.

Even _he_ was mad at him, it would seem. Ha. He was angry with himself!

But then, that was just it, wasn’t it? That was the point. The other one, his double, _wasn’t_ him. He was already acting in ways that he, the Doctor, never would, was thinking and saying things he’d never say. The metacrisis was more willing to listen to impulse, willing to do and say things even if it went against centuries of conditioning- that was the human in him, no doubt.

That was the _Donna_ in him.

He frowned. And there was another problem- _Donna._

Despite his grim predictions, he fervently hoped, as his double was still here, that they’d be able to fix her mind without having to wipe her memories of him. She’d become a good friend, and he’d not want to lose her. He also knew she’d hate to forget her time on the TARDIS. She’d once told him that it was the first time in her life she’d felt really worthwhile.

Funny, come to think of it, that was what Rose had said to him too, so many years ago, when he’d been a tired soldier with big ears and a leather jacket.

_Rose._

He sighed. He knew he had to talk to her.

And truthfully, he _wanted_ to talk to her. Was suddenly desperate to. He’d missed her so much, it were as though he’d been half asleep for the past three years and only woken again once he’d seen her. He needed her, _craved_ her, and that was the truth.

 _And that’s what scares you, isn’t it?_ His mind taunted. _You’re afraid of needing her, afraid you’ll lose her again, won’t be able to keep her safe._

Safe.

His eyes narrowed as Jackie’s words came back to him. Something had happened to Rose, something _bad_ , bad enough to cause her to fake her own death. If she were in danger…well, he was having none of _that_. He deliberately ignored the thought that keeping her with him was anything but safe.

 _Where is she?_ He asked the TARDIS, who sent him back an image of Rose’s room- a room which which was now part-way empty.

She was packing. _She was going to leave._

_No!_

Eyes wide, he took off down the corridor, his mind finally clear., his choice made. Whatever happened, he knew he couldn’t let her leave again.


	3. Tell Me Why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! And so, here we have the next chapter of this little fic! I hope you like this next chapter as things move slowly along. Incidentally, this fic is un-beta'd, so any mistakes (and I'm sure there are plenty) are solely mine.

Rose frowned at the pile of hoodies in her old dresser drawer.

Of all the ways she’d imagined her reunion with the Doctor going, this hadn’t been one of them. She’d imagined that he might want to take her back as his travelling companion, without other complications because he was too scared to take the risk, but didn’t want her to leave. She thought perhaps, if she was lucky, they’d be the best of friends again, a couple in all but a few ways. And in her more wishful fantasies, she’d imagined him completing the sentence he’d started on the beach three and a half years ago.

At her worst, she’d imagined that he’d moved on, that he didn’t have any feelings for her anymore. She’d feared that, dreaded it and had planned to leave him and set up her own life, if that was the case. She wouldn’t accept his pity. The perfect solution had presented itself when she had met General Winifred Bambera of UNIT on one of her many dimension jumps. Rose had jumped too far ahead- to the year 2029- and run into the stern, capable head of UNIT in the Arizona desert.

Bambara had immediately recognised that Rose was out of time and place, and was understandably curious. Not a few hours later, they’d been attacked by a fleet of invading Zykerig warriers and they’d been forced to work together. The siege had lasted three months. After seeing Rose in action (although she’d known her as Jane Phillips, rather than Rose), Bambera had pressed for more information, wanting to know more about her. Rose had initially tried to feed her a prepared false background, not wanting to say she’d been a Torchwood field agent in another universe, but the sharp soldier was having none of it.

The general had questioned her enough to eventually gather that Rose had been a travelling companion of the Doctor (although she didn’t know which regeneration) for a while and could no longer use her real identity. Bambera mentioned that a number of the Doctor’s companions had formerly been employed by UNIT, most recently, one Martha Jones- _Smith_ (come to think of it, hadn’t Mickey and Martha walked out of the TARIS together?) who had left in 2010. Bambera had proposed that Rose (or rather, Jane Phillips) work for UNIT in the Diplomatic Corps, and given her the coordinates of the time and place she would be for a month following the siege. “Come and see me, Phillips, if you can’t get back to where you need to be. We could use someone like you- obvious you’ve got some skills at negotiation. Not a bad shot, either. Bring whatever papers you have and I’ll fix the rest.”

Rose had known that it was a possibility she’d have to take Bambera up on that offer and brought copies of her own qualifications under the name of Jane Phillips. She also had several pieces of jewelry her mother had brought with her from Pete’s world, worth five or six hundred thousand pounds together. Most of that money would be kept in a secure vault in her flat (when she had one), in case she needed to disappear quickly. So yes, she’d made plans in case he hadn’t wanted her on board. She wouldn’t be lost if he didn’t let her stay on the TARDIS.

But in all of the time she’d been working to get back to him, she hadn’t once thought he’d try to send her back _there_ again. She hadn’t thought he’d not even bother to _ask_ about her life in the other universe, or whether she’d been happy. She hadn’t thought she’d have to fight him to stay where she belonged.

She could accept that he didn’t want her anymore, much as it hurt. But she couldn’t believe he wanted her sealed away in that place again, even against her will. She just didn’t understand.

 _Focus, Rose,_ she chided herself, forcing herself to look at the pile of hoodies in front of her. She could worry about this later. She needed to pack and get to Bambera to set up her new life. For now, she needed to focus on clearing out her clothes. 

Right. _Hoodies._ She hadn’t realised that she’d had so many of them. Was it worth keeping them all? It wasn’t as though she wore them much these days, except at home.

 _Home._ A sick feeling churned in her gut at the thought.

She didn’t have a home, not anymore.

The TARDIS hummed indignantly at that. Rose sighed and soothingly stroked the wall in apology. “I’m sorry, girl. You know you’ve been my home since my first night on board. Even in the other universe, you were always home to me. I thought that maybe… But you know I have to go now.”

Another offended hum. 

“I can’t stay. Look, you heard him. He doesn’t want me here. He wants me to go. How can I stay here when he doesn’t want me?”

Another hum. The TARDIS was angry now. Rose was too caught up in deciphering the mental images the TARDIS was sending her to notice the shadow outside her door.

“Yeah I thought so too, but I guess we were both wrong. He doesn’t want me and I can’t make him want me.”

The TARDIS hummed desperately and for what seemed the millionth time that day (or was it night? She really didn’t know anymore), Rose’s eyes filled with tears.

“I know, girl,” she said quietly. “I’ve missed you too and I’ll miss you even more when I go. But we’ll still see each other! I’ll keep an ear out for word of you, and when he’s off doing things, I’ll sneak over to see you. I’ve got ways of getting around now, you know.”

Another desperate hum.

Rose sniffed. “I know it won’t be the same, but it’s better than nothing. Better than living in that other place where I can’t ever see you again, isn’t it? Least here I can still hear you, even when i'm not visiting. And I'll visit as often as I can!”

Nothing.

She tried to smile. “We can have a nice chat and cup of tea while he’s off causing trouble, hey? Just us girls.”

A small hum.

“You’ll have to let me in though- I’ll have to give him my key when I go.”

A small sob escaped her at that. That key had been the most precious thing in the world to her for so long; it was her key to her Doctor, to home. It had become a part of her and it might just kill her to give it back. She had no choice though. It wasn’t hers to keep anymore.

Sniffing, she got herself under control and turned back to the closet. “Right, that’s enough of that. I need to get on with this. Have you got those papers I asked for?”

A flickering light and desolate hum answered her as a leather portfolio of documents appeared on her bed. It appeared that Jane Phillips now officially existed in this universe.

Rose smiled and kissed the wall. “Thanks, love. You’re the best, you know?” Giving it another pat, she turned back to the hoodies.

“May I come in?”

The quiet voice from the doorway made her jump. Taking a deep breath, she schooled her features into a neutral expression, or as near to as she could manage, and turned.

The Doctor stood there, leaning against the doorframe in all his pinstriped glory.  
Even as angry as she was, her heart couldn’t help but stutter at seeing him there. God, but she loved him.

 _Enough of that!_ She scolded herself. _That’s over. Get on with it and get packing._  
Shrugging, she turned back to the chest of drawers, pulling out as much as she could carry and lugging it over to the bed. “Your ship.”

The Doctor flinched at that. “But this is your room,” he said.

“Was,” she shrugged, hiding her pain at that horrible truth. “Not anymore. Just let me get this lot sorted and I’ll be out of your hair.”

“It’s still your room,” he said quietly, stepping hesitantly into the room. “It’s always been your room.”

She ignored that, keeping her back to him as she scooped up another pile of clothes. “’M surprised you kept it all actually. Thought you’d have gotten rid of this lot by now.” Turning, she dumping them on the bed before spinning back to the chest of drawers. “Looks the same as when I left it. As if it hasn’t been touched.”

“It hasn’t,” came the quiet reply.

She paused for a moment, surprised by that admission, before shaking it off and getting back to work.

“Right, well, that’ll make it easier to find it all.”

“Rose,” came his voice again.

“Just give me an hour or so and you can drop me off.”

“Rose, please, I.…”He trailed off, before swallowing and trying again. “Where are you going?”

She frowned. “Stockholm, 2029, Doctor. I gave you the coordinates.”

“Oh.” Then quietly, “I haven’t looked at them yet.”

She snorted. “Figures.” Turning back to the bed with another bundle, she dropped it before marching to the walk-in.

“Why there?” Came the hesitant question from the bedroom.

“Because I have to meet someone there.”

“What for?”

“A job,” she snapped, wishing he’d just go and let her get on with it, yet simultaneously craving even this stilted, limited contact with him. It was better than nothing. _Get a grip, Rose,_ she grumbled to herself.

“What job?”

“None of your business,” she bit back, trying to hold on to her anger. It was easier to keep the hurt at bay when she was angry with him.

There was a long silence from the other room for some time, until suddenly an anxious, agitated voice came from right behind her.

“Who is Jane Phillips?”

She gasped and spun around, nearly hitting her head on the clothes hangers, and saw him clutching a familiar package of documents. Glaring, she snatched it from his hand and marched back to the bedroom to stick it in her bag.

“That was private!” she hissed. “You had no right to go through my things.”

“Who is Jane Phillips?” He pressed, emerging from the walk-in and stalking right up to her.

“She’s no one you need to worry about,” she snapped.

“Oh, I very much disagree,” he stared back at her intently. “It’s very much my business when you’re using my TARDIS to set up a new identity.”

She glared. “What the hell else did you expect me to do, Doctor? I’m legally dead, in case you hadn’t noticed, and people tend to panic when dead people show up and start workin’ in random places.”

“Especially at UNIT,” he cocked an eyebrow at her knowingly. “Even forged papers will only get you so far. Very little gets by their background checks…unless, of course, you have the ear of a senior officer….The most senior, perhaps? Let’s see….2029, that would be General Bambera, wouldn’t it?

Growling, she turned away and stormed back into the walk-in, grabbing random armfuls of garments before marching back to main room, muttering about nosy aliens who couldn’t keep their noses out other people’s business.

“Am I right, Rose? Are you meeting General Winifred Bambera in Stockholm?”

“ _Yes!”_ She growled. “So what?”

He gazed at her consideringly. “I didn’t know you that knew the General.”

She kept her gaze on the clothes she was sorting. “Lots of things you don’t know. So what?”

“That’s true,” he murmured. “There’s a lot I seem to be missing. Like why you suddenly know one of UNIT’s top officials when you’ve been in another universe for years. Why she’s willing you to offer a job when you can’t have known her for very long. Or why, if I don’t miss my guess, you’re planning on going into the Diplomatic Z Corps.”

The Z corps was an elite diplomatic group of agents, sent to the heavy conflict zones, alien and non-alien alike. It was a very dangerous job, one she intended to ask for. And she knew she’d get it- she was qualified and she had all the right papers to prove it.

“How’d you work that one out?” she muttered as she folded various garments and stuck them into her bag.

“You’ve got evidence of combat training and weapons clearance at a ‘red level’, which isn’t needed in the Diplomatic Corps unless you’re going to Z group. Not hard, if you know what to look for.” He shifted into her space, trying to catch her gaze.

“Good for you,” she snapped. “Now get out of my way and let me finish packing.”

“There are other things I don’t know,” he continued, sticking his hands into his pockets. “For example, I don’t know why you’re listed as dead in two universes, instead of just the one.”

Rose froze, before whirling to face him.

“How did you- right, mum. Mum told you. Is that what this is about?” she demanded. “Did my mum make you promise to look after me? Is that it? Because if it is, consider yourself released from that promise! It’s not your problem, Doctor.”

“I disagree.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, that’s just too bad, isn’t it? Because as of today, Rose Marion Tyler no longer exists. Jane Philips is a highly trained expert in human-alien relations, with no family or ties of any kind and is about to be employed by UNIT. What she does is no one else’s business.”

“I don’t agree,” came the heated reply. “Rose Tyler is alive and well and will _always_ be so if I have any say in the matter.”

Sighing, Rose sat down heavily on the bed, the fight having suddenly gone out of her. “But you don’t have any say, Doctor,” she said tiredly. “It’s not your problem anymore. I’m not your problem anymore.”

“You were never a problem, Rose,” he protested. “And what happens to you will always be my business.”

“Right,” she sighed. “Doctor, the only reason you’re in here asking is because mum probably went twisted your arm about looking after me. Am I right?”

“Not exactly, no,” he said hesitantly.

Rose didn’t buy that. He’d been all too ready to shove her off the TARDIS and back into the other place quickly enough without knowing anything. Why would it be any different now? “So how was it, then, _exactly?_ ” She pushed.

The Doctor sighed, before sitting down beside her on the bed, his long, slender fingers picking at the royal blue bedspread.

“She did ask me to promise to take care of you,” he admitted.

“Thought as much,” she muttered, pushing away the hurt she felt at the thought that he wasn’t asking because he wanted to know and shifting away from him slightly.

“But I would have done it regardless,” he ploughed on, ignoring her interruption.

Rose glared. “Don’t lie to me, Doctor. I know better than that.”

He stared back, his deep brown eyes boring into hers. “I’m not lying.”

“I don’t believe that,” she told him outright. “You were pretty eager to chuck me out of here an hour ago, even though I didn’t _want_ to go, without even asking me a single thing about my life in that place. You didn’t know or care if it was safe, or if I was happy or anything. You were willing to push me out just the same.”

He sighed and lowered his eyes, shoulders dropping. “And that was….that was wrong,” he admitted, to her surprise. He _never_ admitted he was wrong. Looking up, he caught her gaze. “I should have asked before assuming,” he swallowed. “It was arrogant and stupid to think I could make a decision without all of the facts…or ignore your wishes. Especially now I find that…I could have put you in danger. I was wrong and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I…please don’t go.”

Rose frowned at him, still suspicious.

He caught the look. “You don’t believe me,” he said desperately, seizing her hand. “Rose, how could you ever think I don’t care what happens to you? I know I was arrogant and stupid and _thick_ , but please, if you believe nothing else, believe this- I will _always_ care about you, about what happens to you.”

“Doctor, you keep sending me away, even when I don’t want to go- even now, when it would have been a _very_ bad idea. It’s a pretty good hint that you just don’t want me around. An’ I won’t stay where I’m not wanted.”

“Oh, Rose,” he said softly, cupping her cheek . ” You’re so wrong. I want you here, I always have.”

She looked him dead in the eye. “Then tell me _why_ you were so desperate for me to leave and set up house with-with _him_? Especially when you knew I’d come back here to _you_ , come back home to the TARDIS.

He swallowed heavily. “I-….he…., that is……” he stuttered, before trailing off, unable to answer.

Rose shook her head. “Thought so,” she said quietly. Sighing, she made to get up, only for a brown pinstriped arm to come shooting out and hold her fast.

“Doctor, let go of me.”

“No! Not until you listen.”

“Like you listen to me?” she tugged at her arm. “Just…let go Doctor.”

“No!”

“Look, this isn’t going to work. I thought after everything we said on the beach that if I could just make it back here we’d be fine. That we’d be _honest_ , at least and I could stay with you. But you don’t want me here. You won’t even talk to me, not properly. It’s…our time is over, right? I get it now. So please, just take me to-“

“I was scared!” He blurted out, eyes wide, as if he were surprised to hear the words come out of his mouth. 

“What?” She blinked.

“I…I was scared,” he breathed, trying to tug her closer. “I’d already lost you once, and if I admitted that you were really back, and then I lost you again, it’d destroy me. I was scared if you stayed, I’d eventually watch you die. I…I was afraid. I _am_ afraid.”

“You were so scared of losin’ me that you just tried to make it happen yourself? ”

He nodded jerkily. “It sounds ridiculous when you put it like that. Make it happen so you don’t spend forever dreading it.”

“Alright, look, I get that, even if I don’t like it, but trying to match me with the other one, the human doctor, I mean—how can I forgive that? You lied to try to get me to go with him.”

“No! I…”He paused, flushing for a moment. “I admit, I wanted you to…stay with him. Not because I didn’t want you!” he added hastily. “But I thought he could give you…everything I couldn’t. Growing old together. A family. Living with _your_ family. I…wanted to you to be happy. Even if it wasn’t with me. Well, this me. I thought, he’s me- he’ll make you happy. Best of both worlds.”

She frowned at him. “But he isn’t you, is he? Not really.”

The Doctor sighed, loosening his grip on her arm slightly. “No, not really. And less so the more time passes it would seem.”

“Then, why-“

“Because I didn’t know.” Seeing her disbelieving look, he cast her a tired smile. “It’s true, I had no idea. I believed it to be true. I admit, I _wanted_ it to be true, but I didn’t know it wasn’t.” He shrugged. “He’s an anomaly. To my knowledge, there’s never been another Time Lord metacrisis. I thought, since he had my mind and my feelings, it was just another me. One who was free to…care for you the way you deserve without the risks or…complications.”

Shaking her head, she drew back, tugging until he released her arm. “But he’s not.”

“No, I know that now.”

“And he’s not the murderer you made him out to be, either.”

He sighed, his mind hating to accept the fact. “I…Rose, I hate what he did. I hate it despite, or even _because_ of what I’ve done. He wiped them out.”

Rose gazed at him for a moment. “Do you think I’m a murderer too, then?”

“What? No! How could you even ask me that?”

“But I’ve wiped out the Daleks too,” she told him, watching his eyes grow wide. “I killed them all at the Gamestation, when I came to save you.”

“I…how did you….you remember that?” He sputtered. “How? I suppressed those memories so it wouldn’t burn out your mind!”

“Yeah I do remember and nothing is burning. But that’s a long story and not important right now. Point is, I killed the Daleks, didn’t I? Wiped them all out?”

“Yes, you did,” he swallowed nervously. 

“Was it wrong? What I did when I was Bad Wolf?” She pressed. 

Jerkily, he shook his head. “No. There was no other way- they would have killed everyone and destroyed history.”

“Bit like a reality bomb which could unravel the fabric of reality, don’t you think?”

He barked a sudden laugh. “All right, yes! I admit it. You’ve made your point, Rose Tyler.”

“Good. Then you can go and apologise to him. It hurt him to do it, you know, and you saying what you did...”

“I….”

“Doctor.”

“Alright! I’ll apologise.”

“Good.”

“But only after we finish talking here. Rose, I swear to you, I didn’t lie! I wasn’t trying to trick you to go into that universe.”

“Then _why_ ,” she demanded lowly, “did you try to convince me to go and lock myself away with someone you thought was a genocidal, dangerous genius?”

“Because,” he gulped, “I was so scared, I didn’t…I didn’t think it through. I didn’t even realise what it meant, what it could mean for those people, for _you_ , until you pointed it out. I swear to you Rose, I didn’t think of it!”

She cocked an eyebrow in in disbelief. “You expect me to believe that? _You_ didn’t think of it?”

“Yes! I…I panicked and we had to go quickly before the breach closed and I didn’t think it through. I was kicking myself after you pointed out what should have been obvious. Please Rose, you have to believe me! In my right mind, I’d never lock you away with a lunatic. But, somehow, I honestly thought he was unstable and you could help, like you did me! It didn’t strike me how stupid that was until…”

“Until I hit you over the head with it,” she finished.

“Yes,” he croaked, looking mortified. “For all of my boasting about my superior brain, I’ve been a complete idiot.”

She wanted to believe him, she realized. She really did. But could she?

He must have seen her indecision, because he took her hands and said urgently, “Rose, you must believe me. I swear it’s true. I’ll swear on anything! I…” looking around desperately, he gulped. “I swear on the name of my planet and my people, Rose Tyler, that I’m telling you the truth.”

Her eyes grew wide. _On his people and his planet?_ He’d once told her, after hearing an alien tribe swear a similar oath, that it was once the strongest oath on Gallifrey, one only used in the direst circumstances. It was one she’d never heard him use, and she’d quickly worked out that he didn’t feel as though he had the right to, after he had destroyed his planet. She knew beyond a doubt he’d never use that oath to lie. She knew what it meant to him.

His eyes searched hers frantically, looking for a sign that she believed him, that she had accepted his desperate oath. 

Pulling her eyes from his, she nodded slowly. “I…OK.”

“You…” he gulped, “You believe me?”

She nodded, looking anywhere but at him. “I…you didn’t… I never would’ve asked you to use that oath, Doctor. I know what it means to you.”

“You mean more to me than any oath, Rose Tyler.”

She swallowed heavily at that, and tried to crack a smile. “Pretty dramatic way to tell me you’re a prat. Knew that already.”

He gave her a tiny smile. “Yeah. I’m a twit.”

“A fool.” She sniffed.

“A git.” He returned, smiling more widely.

“An idiot.” Her lips twitched, in spite of herself.

“A thrice-cursed wretch.”

“An _ape!_ ” She returned triumphantly, hearing him snort.

“An ill-roasted egg, all on one side!”

That made her laugh, unable to help herself. “An _egg_?” She snickered. ”Really?”

He tugged at one ear and grinned at her. 

“Weeeell, I might have borrowed that one, from good ol’ Will. Will Shakespeare, that is. Not Will Smith. Dunno if he eats eggs. He might prefer kale-or salmon. Yeah, probably salmon.”

It was such a random, _Doctor_ thing to say that it sent her off into gales of laughter and after a moment he joined her, their laughter resounding throughout the room. Finally, they managed to calm themselves and he beamed at her, and grabbing her hand, laced her fingers firmly with his.

“Hello.”

“Hello,” she returned softly.

“Rose… _my_ Rose,” he sighed, tugging at her hand. “I’m so sorry I didn’t say it before, didn't show it before, but I’m so happy you’re here. I’ve missed you so very, very much.”

“Me too,” she swallowed. And she had. She’d missed him when she’d arrived in that other universe, when she studied and when she worked. She’d missed him when she’d first spotted that her biochemistry was different, when _they’d_ started to hunt her. When she’d spent months hopping from universe to universe and time to time. When she’d run across past-versions of him, when she’d been attacked and hunted by aliens and government agents…

“Rose…” he said softly, seeing her expression. “Won’t you stay, now? Won’t you let me help?”

“I….”she trailed off, looking at her half-packed belongings. Following her gaze, the Doctor tugged on her hand.

“Please, Rose, _please_ ,” he begged softly. “Please don’t leave me. Please give me time, give _us_ time to work this out.”

She sighed, shaking her hand from his, the light-hearted mood gone. “I just…”

“Rose, please! I…” he swallowed and seemed to force himself to continue. “I heard what you said to the TARDIS, and you’re wrong. I _do_ want you here, I want you here more than anything. I… do you know why your room was exactly the same?”

She shook her head slowly. 

“Because…because I liked to come and look at it and think you were coming back. It was as if….if I kept it the way it was, I could pretend you were coming back.”

Eyes filling with tears, she turned her face away from him, but he was having none of that and tugged her back around and cupped her face with both hands.

“I…drove Martha mad, the entire time she was with me, because no matter what, all I could do was miss you, see where you would have done better. And Donna! She threatened to push me out of the TARDIS, once, because I moped so much. I…I hated myself for holding back, never telling you what you meant to me and then I lost you. When I saw you again, it was…as though I’d been given a second chance, and I wanted _everything_.”

Brushing impatiently at a tear on her cheek, Rose focused on the tormented man in front of her. They were finally going to get to the heart of this.

“Then _why_ Doctor? Why did you change your mind? Why did you try to make me leave? Tell me why! Give me that, at least!”

“Because I’m a monster, Rose!” His eyes were pained and filled with old guilt. “What Davros said back there on the crucible- it’s all true! I take ordinary people and turn them into weapons! That’s what I’ve done to Martha, to Mickey, to Jack, Sarah-Jane…” he shuddered and pushed on. “And to _you_! Look at you! Look what you’ve become because of me, what I’ve turned you into! Instead of a peaceful, happy life, you’ve been hopping between parallel worlds to find me, to save the world. You’re a solider, trained in combat. Even now, you were off to heavy conflict zones. That’s not the life I wanted for you! I wanted to show you the stars, I wanted you to have a fantastic life filled with adventures and joys! I didn’t want this for you!” He drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “That’s…that’s why I was trying to send you back. That’s why I wanted you to go with him- so he could give you all the things you should have, all the things I couldn’t…that’s why I didn’t stop to think any of it through. I was so desperate to make you go back before I could change my mind. If I’d stopped to think, I…I wouldn’t have been able to do it. I wouldn’t have been able to give you up a second time. I’m too weak, too selfish.”

He drew in another deep breath before adding in a low voice, “That…that was _my_ exile, Rose. That was my punishment. He’d have been locked away from the TARDIS- but I would’ve been locked away from _you_.”

 _And there it is,_ Rose thought, wanting to comfort him and smack him at the same time. The real reason he’d been so desperate to push her away that he’d missed several gaping holes in his plan. And even though he’d put her through hell, even though he’d been going to lock her away from him forever (and it might have happened if she hadn’t dug her heels in about staying), she couldn’t help but understand. 

Because he thought he was a monster. 

Because Davos, damn him, had deliberately ripped open the Doctor’s wounds from the Time War and played on his weaknesses.

She knew, better than anyone, the crippling guilt he lived with, the nightmares he’d had when he’d been all ears and leather, fresh after the war. She knew he blamed himself for the death of his planet and his people, and many others. Yes, she understood. She hurt for him. She loved him, always had.

But she was still mad at the prat.

“You’re not half full of yourself, are you?” she muttered, shaking her head.

He gawked at her. “What?” 

She suppressed a snort. Apparently, that hadn’t been the reaction he’d been expecting.

“Bit rich, innit? Thinkin’ that you’re the sole reason behind everything that ever happens? Takin’ all the woes of the world on your shoulders?”

“Rose-“

“What?” She shrugged. “It’s true. You’re so busy thinkin’ you’re responsible for every last thing that ever happened that you’ve forgotten one tiny, little fact.” She glared at him. “We all chose to do what we did. We all _chose_ to fight, not because you turned us into fightin’ machines, but because we found somethin’ worth fightin for! Because we had to! Look at Martha! She stood up to the Daleks, made them take a step back to stop them from unraveling reality! And Sarah-Jane! And Jack! They were ready to blow us all to kingdom come to stop that lunatic from ripping it all apart! What if they hadn’t? We wouldn’t have had the time to find another way! They did what had to be done to save the earth and the whole bloody universe! All the universes! And you know what? _They_ did that! Not you! _They_ did! They stood up and fought. And they were _brilliant_! They’re not killin’ machines! They’re defendin’ themselves and their home! And the rest of the universe! And if there’s one thing you _can_ say you did, it’s that you taught ‘em that there are things worth defendin’! You taught ‘em to stand up!”

The Doctor stared at her, his expression broken, his brown eyes full of tears. She pushed on, hoping she was getting through to him.

“And me? You,” she swallowed back more tears, “you gave me _everything_. You taught me to be better, made me see I was more than just some stupid chav from the Estates. You taught me to stand up for what was right. You showed me that Rose Tyler wasn’t just a shop girl- that I was _more_ than that. That’s why I came back to you on the Gamestation, that’s why I worked to come back to you, to tell you about the stars. That’s why I fought and I’ll keep on fightin’ for what’s right. You gave me that! You didn’t make me a weapon, Doctor! You gave me _meaning_! You- you gave me ME! Everytime you looked at me and saw more than I ever could, you gave me somethin’ no one else ever had, ever could!”

“Rose,” he whispered hoarsely, blinking back his tears, clutching her hand to his chest.

“It’s true Doctor! You…you don’t make weapons. You…you make us _better_. You…you _empower_ us, give us the ability to make choices we thought we never could!”

“D’you mean that?” he breathed, eyes wide. “Do you really mean that?”

“Yes!” she said passionately. “I do. An’ that’s why…that’s why it hurts so much when you take our choices away, when you take _my_ choices away. Makes me feel like…you’ve somehow decided I _can’t_ be trusted to make good decisions, that somehow, you’ve realized what I’ve known all along- that I’m not good enough or smart enough to make these decisions, and so you try to do it for me. And that…that’s not fair.” She huffed a bitter laugh. “You’re the only person I know who can build me up and tear me down at the same time.”

“No! No Rose, I never, _ever_ thought that! You are good enough, smart enough- you’re brilliant! Fantastic! You’re…you’re beyond description!”

She looked him in the eye. “Then _stop_ trying to take my choices away. Stop deciding what I should do, what I should want, what’s best for me without even considering what I want! Stop deciding I’m better off without you!”

He drew a shuddering breath and tried to smile. “When did you get so smart, Rose Tyler?”

She gave him a small smile. “Thought you said I was always smart?”

“You were, you _are_ ,” he told her softly, pressing his cheek into her hand. His expression made her heart ache. He was vulnerable, open and afraid. “ Smarter than me, it would seem. And much braver. So very, very brave. Always willing to put it all out there, no matter the risk. I’d do well to learn from _you_ , Rose Tyler.”

“S’at so?” She smiled, unable to help herself.

“Yes,” he vowed. “That’s so.” 

Seeming to come to a decision of sorts, he took a deep breath and looked in her the eye. “The last time we spoke,” he said softly, “we were…interrupted. “

Rose’s eyes grew wide. He couldn’t be…

“I was trying to tell you something…something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long, long time. Something I hated myself for never telling you. And now, because of your absolute _brilliance_ , Rose Tyler, I have the chance to do it again. And this time I’m not letting it pass me by. Rose Tyler, whatever happens, whatever you decide to do, you need to know that…that I love you. Have loved you for so long, will love you for the rest of my days.”

Unable to help herself, she choked down a sob, one hand pressed to her mouth.

Finally. _Finally,_ he’d said it. He loved her.

“And I know I’ve been a presumptuous arsehole, and I nearly sent you away, and that would have been wrong and I know you have options and that you don’t _need_ to stay with me- but I want you to. I…I need you to stay with me. I know I don’t have any right to ask you this now, but …please Rose- please don’t leave me. Please, give me a chance to prove I can be better. Please!” he begged, babbling in his anxiety.

Rose was silent for a moment, wiping at her cheeks. “How?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, _how_ do you want me to stay? As what, exactly? Your platonic companion? Your best friend? Your…your lover? I’d never push you to give what you don’t want to Doctor, but whatever we have needs to be honest. I won’t pretend I don’t love you, that you don’t love me. I won’t put up with your distancing act when you feel I’m getting too close. I won’t put up with you sending me away or making decisions for me, either. If you want me to pretend none of this happened, I can’t stay.”

“Oh Rose, I don’t expect you to pretend. I…much as it scares me, I don’t _want_ you to pretend. I don’t know what comes next really, what you think should come next, but I…I want us to have everything we possibly can together.” He looked her dead in the eye. “I don’t want anymore regrets.”

“You mean that?” She pushed afraid to believe him. 

“More than anything,” he swore, looking her straight in the eye.


	4. Tell Me More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovely readers. Here we have the next chapter of our story, and the Doctor and Rose have a long overdue discussion. This is really the last explanatory chapter before we pick things up with the other characters and the rest of the story. I just feel that there was so much unsaid between them that it needed to be dealt with more thoroughly. Hope you enjoy! All mistakes are mine.

The Doctor’s hearts pounded like mad.

He hadn’t known exactly what he was going to say to Rose when he came to her room. He hadn’t planned on making any declarations, although he hadn’t decided _not_ to, either. 

He was torn between what he wanted to do and what he felt he should do, but the one thing he was clear on was that he _couldn’t_ let her go again. He’d almost pushed her away, forever, without thinking it through just so he wouldn’t give himself the chance to change his mind- and what a mistake that would have been.

He’d never been so grateful for Rose’s stubbornness.

Now that he actually _had_ to think it through, he shuddered at the potential for disaster in his plan. Rose could have been trapped in a dangerous situation with no way out. She could have been trapped with an unstable metacrisis. The metacrisis him could have died suddenly, breaking her heart. The metacrisis him could have grown to hate Rose for wanting him to be the Doctor. The list of potential disasters went on and on.

And what about him? He’d have gone on, knowing that Rose was gone for good, that she was with another. He’d have grown more and more unstable, and his regenerations would have been crazier and crazier each go around. Who knows what he could have done, how unhinged he might have become? What temporal disruptions he might have caused?

The woman he’d seen in the library….Professor River Song…..he’d sensed a wrongness about her. The timelines had been practically _skidding_ away from her, as if her whole life was _wrong_. He’d bet anything that she was the direct result of a timeline he’d created by making this disastrous decision. She had his name- not his true name, he noted, but his house name, the name that Lungbarrow had taken from him when they disowned him. 

She’d obviously known him on some level, although not as well as she wanted him to believe, he suspected. She was in his future somehow, it seemed. How, he wasn’t certain. 

And yet… _time is not a straight line. Your cosy little world can be rewritten like THAT,_ he’d once told Rose.

So maybe she, Professor Song, _wouldn’t_ be in his future. And maybe she wouldn’t die in a library and be trapped in a virtual reality program for all eternity.

Because that _wasn’t_ a fixed point, he’d sensed that much.

Because Rose was here, and he hoped with everything he had that she’d stay with him and stop him from becoming that unstable man.

Because his love for Rose Tyler _was_ fixed, in eternity itself.

Because he’d regenerated for her, been born loving her from the ashes of the once-broken soldier that had died for love of her. 

Because she’d healed him.

Because loving Rose Tyler was worth whatever came later.

Because Donna was right; he’d be a fool not to take his happiness when it had come sailing back to him, shot through the walls of the universe wrapped in a blue leather jacket.

So, he’d told her. He’d taken a deep breath, seized his courage and told her what he should have told her the minute he’d set eyes on her again.

_I love you. I’ll always love you. Please don’t leave me._

_I want everything with you._

And now, it was up to her. He watched, hearts pounding as she stared at him. He could see the doubts swirling in her eyes, and the slowly growing hope. The hurt he’d caused, that he’d kick himself for later. The exhaustion, the bone-deep weariness from what they’d been through, what _she’d_ been through. Who knew how long she’d been hopping through the worlds to find him, what she’d seen, how many times she’d been hurt?

She’d been alone and then she’d found him and he’d tried to push her away. She’d thought that he didn’t want her, wouldn’t help her and she’d tried to accept it, to survive on her own.

But it wasn’t true. He did want her, always had. If she’d allow it, she’d never be alone again, never have to cope alone again. Not because she couldn’t- he knew she could - but because she shouldn’t have to, because he loved her too much to leave her now.

“Doctor…” she whispered, finally letting go of her anger and letting her defenses drop to show the tired woman, the tired solider beneath. She blinked and leaned slightly towards him.

It was enough. He lunged the rest of the way and clasped her to him, his arms tightly banded about her. “Rose!” he whispered into her hair, inhaling the scent he had missed for so long. “I’m sorry, so sorry Rose. I’ll do better,” he mumbled into her hair. “I will, I swear I will.”

“Doctor, my Doctor,” she choked into his chest. “I can’t believe….still? After all this time?”

“Always,” he murmured, tightening his arms until she squeaked in protest. “Rose, will you stay with me?”

“Yes,” she whispered, her tears soaking his shirt and jacket. “If you want me, I’ll stay.”

“I want you,” he vowed. “I always will.”

She cried silently into his chest for a long time, before drawing back a little in his arms, her eyes red and her face swollen from crying. He thought he’d never seen anyone so lovely. Unable to help himself any longer, he slowly leaned towards her, giving her plenty of time to pull back, and gently pressed his lips to hers. Almost immediately, he felt her sigh and her lips start to move against his own.

Oh. 

He’d only meant to give her a brief, chaste kiss, but her lips were so soft and welcoming that he couldn’t help but deepen the kiss, running his tongue gently over her soft, velvety lips. She sighed again and opened her mouth to his and it was all he could not to try to crawl inside of her. He swept his tongue tentatively into her mouth and sucked at her lip, glorying in the sensation, in her _taste_. 

Finally. He was finally kissing Rose Tyler.

He was kissing Rose Tyler, and it was heaven.

He was kissing Rose Tyler and he wanted her.

 _Down boy,_ he told himself., trying to redirect the blow flow from certain regions. _Not yet._ He knew they still had a lot of talking to do and he had to prove himself to her. He wouldn’t bugger this up by rushing things like some horny adolescent of a hundred and sixty.

Reluctantly, he started to pull back, lightening the kiss until it was a mere brush of his lips over hers. Her moan of protest almost did him in and he stole one last kiss before pulling his mouth from hers, breathing hard.

“Rose,” he whispered. “ _My_ Rose. My love.”

His words caused her eyes to light up with joy, her whole face glowing. Suddenly, however, her smile dimmed.

”Before you say anything else, Doctor,” she breathed, trying to pull back slightly, “you need to know what I’m running from, what’s happening because you might not want to…be with me after that. You should know the facts, first.”

“No, Rose!” He pulled her close and wrapped her in his arms again. “It doesn’t matter. Well, it _does_ matter; I want to know everything that’s happened to you, I want to help if you’ll let me. But it won’t change my mind. I’ve already lost you once, and I won’t lose you again. Your problem is my problem Rose. Remember? It’s better with two.”

Despite herself, she smiled. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Good,” he smiled, stroking her cheek. “Then why don’t we go to the library and sit on the couch and talk, like we used to? The TARDIS will make sure we aren’t disturbed, won’t you old girl?”

A happy hum answered him.

“Brilliant! Allons-y, Rose Tyler!”

With that, he stood, lifted her into in his arms and carried her out into the corridor. He secretly hoped the TARDIS would clear away Rose’s half-packed things and put them back where they belonged. He never wanted to see her room packed up again.

“Doctor!” She poked his chest. “What are you doing?”

“Making sure you reach the library safely,” he beamed, a ridiculously light and happy feeling bubbling in his chest. “You do have a very worrying tendency to wander off, Rose Tyler.”

Her laughter followed them through the corridor as he made his way to the library, the TARDIS obligingly removing the door as soon they’d walked in. The message was clear- they were not to be disturbed- and he sent her a mental thanks.

The Doctor made his way over to the couch- _their_ couch- and set her gently down beside him, keeping an arm about her.

A tea tray appeared on the table in front of them. The Doctor was not at all surprised to see Rose’s favourite blue flowered tea pot (which he hadn’t been able to find for three years), fresh scones, cakes and Rose’s favourite raspberry jam from the planet Telenea.

“Thanks, girl,” Rose smiled. “You’re the best.”

The TARDIS _preened_ ; there was no other word for it. Not that he could blame her. He’d preen too if Rose smiled at him like that.

Pouring the tea, he handed Rose a cup. “You know,” he began, as he offered her a scone. “You never told me you could communicate directly with the TARDIS.”

Rose blinked at him. “What, seriously? I thought you knew.”

“How would I know? Most humans aren’t telepathic and wouldn’t think to talk to her like that.” 

“Yeah, but, you said _you_ did, and so it seemed rude not to talk to her when I know she understands. Sometimes I talk to her out loud and sometimes in my head, but she always answers me with pictures and humming and whatnot.”

“So, how long has this been going on?” He asked, wondering just how he’d missed it. The ship’s smug humming led him to think that it had been deliberately hidden from him.

“Since…I dunno, since the Gelth and Cardiff, I think. She helped me to choose the right dress, so I wouldn’t cause a riot,” she smiled at him, tongue touching her teeth.

He nearly spilled his tea because of that smile. Maybe later he could… _Later,_ he told himself firmly. _Talk now, catch Rose’s naughty tongue later._

If she let him, of course. For now, focus.

“You’d cause a riot in any century,” he told her, unable to help the silly smile spreading across his face as he remembered how she’d looked in that dress. “Beautiful as you are.”

“Beautiful for a human, you mean?” she teased. 

“Beautiful for anyone,” he smiled. “Give a bloke a break. I was…flabbergasted? Yes, flabbergasted- that’s a good word, Rose- when I saw you and I… I panicked.”

“Panicked?” she smiled. “Yeah, nothing as dangerous as a velvet covered human with feathers in her hair.”

“You’re always dangerous no matter what you’re wearing,” he told her, his eyes boring into hers. Rassilon, but he loved not having to watch every word he said to her now. Why the hell had he kept his feelings bottled up for so long? 

Because he was an idiot, as he’d learned more than once today.

Idiot. Danger. Rose. 

Right. 

Clearing his throat, he set his teacup down on the table and slipped an arm about her shoulders.

“Right,” he said. “Back to business. Rose, I’d like it very much if you told me what’s been going on.”

The smile vanished suddenly from her face, and she set down her teacup, looking nervous. Clearing her throat, she turned to him expectantly, hands trembling slightly. “Where…did you want me to start?”

“Anywhere you want,” he told her, taking her hand in his. “Wherever you’re comfortable with.”

Taking a deep breath, she settled back against the sofa, snuggled into his arm, leaned her head against the back of the sofa and began.

“I think the first thing I noticed, the first important thing was that I hated how the other place felt. It was just…wrong, different, somewhow. Just being there, it felt…wrong. Empty. Dead, almost. Like it couldn’t be real because there was nothing behind it. The whole universe just felt wrong.” She looked to make sure he understood.

Oh, he understood, alright. He knew exactly what she meant because he’d felt the same thing each time he’d been in that place. Impossible. How had she…she shouldn’t have been aware of that! Humans weren’t. They couldn’t be.

“Rose, I think you…you were detecting the artron energy of that universe, missing the vortex. You could feel it, feel the difference between here and there.”

She nodded.” I know that now. But back then, I didn’t. I didn’t even know I was feeling it until about six months after….after the last time we talked. On the beach. I…I wasn’t happy so I tried not to spend too much time in my head, thinkin’ about my feelings. Mum was worried that I’d sink back into how I was in the beginning, so I just... kept busy.”

He didn’t say anything. He understood exactly what she was talking about because he’d been the same. Her absence had been a gaping wound in his soul, his mind and when he’d stopped to feel, when he stopped to think, it had almost crippled him. He understood all too well.

So he said nothing, but tightened his arm about her, smiling encouragingly. He knew she’d understand what he didn’t say.

“So, it was about a year after I’d been stuck there that I noticed. I was in hospital after a mission had gone a bit wrong, and I remembered lying there, thinkin’ about _why_ hated that place so much when everyone else reckoned I had the perfect life. Money, job, supposedly perfect family, social standing…but I hated it. I hated it more and more every day. I always felt like part of me was missing but I thought it was only because you and the TARDIS weren’t there. Because I couldn’t feel her in my mind in anymore, because I’d never,” she took a deep breath, blinking furiously, “never see you again. But after a while, I realized there were other things, things that made me hate that place even more, and that was one of them, one I hadn’t noticed before.”

Carefully wiping the tears from her face, he took her hand again. “Why were you in hospital?”

“Oh, that.” Rose shrugged. “Mission gone wrong. Nothing very exciting, that one. It was my first time out as a field agent- I’d finished my training and I was sent out with a team. There was an unmarked war shuttle that had crashed about two hundred miles north of London. We went out to investigate and one of the others tripped a defense mechanism ‘cause he touched it before scanning it. The whole thing went up an’ we got hit by debris. I hit my head, just a mild concussion. Nothing too terrible.”

Tamping down his outrage at the unknown idiot’s stupidity, the Doctor fixed her with a look. “Later, I want to check you in the Med Bay. Twenty-first century human medicine is still quite primitive and I want to make sure there’s nothing they missed.”

She nodded, looking very uncomfortable. “There are…you might find other things from…later. Other missions and…after.”

“Rose,” he said, clutching her hand tighter. “It’s fine. Nothing you tell me, nothing I see will make me turn from you. I just…I hate that you got hurt.”

“I know,” she mumbled. “Right, may as well get on with it. So, that was when I knew something was different, but I still didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to feel that. I thought maybe I was just more sensitive to it because of my time on the TARDIS, or something. So I kept on going for about a year, studyin’, workin’ and tryin’ to find my way home. Mum gave up askin’ me to cut down a bit and just kept showin’ up at my flat with food. She figured if she didn’t bring it I might forget to eat.”

“You didn’t live with your parents?” He asked, a little surprised. He thought she’d have been thrilled to have Pete back. 

She shook her head. “Moved out a two months after I was first stuck there, after I’d got myself a job.” Taking a sip of tea, she continued. “After I’d managed to get myself together enough to…to function, I sat my A-Levels- got ‘em in history, English literature and government and politics. I would’ve tried my hand at physics or maths but I didn’t have the time to prep properly for those subjects. So I stuck with what I knew. All that travellin’ we did” she smiled, “turns out it was excellent prep for the A–levels. So I just needed a little brushin’ up on my history- bit different over there after a certain point- and I was good to go. Then I applied at Torchwood and managed to get into the training program. People were a bit skeptical about the boss’ ‘daughter, but they settled in the end, when they saw how hard I worked and that I didn’t get special treatment. Trained for a year for field-work, and applied to university, too. I got into Oxford. Me, can you believe it? Me at Oxford!”

“Why not?” he beamed with pride. “I always said you could do anything, Rose Tyler. What did you read?”

“International Relations,” she told him proudly. “History and politics. It’s a three year course but I finished it in two. By the end of my second year at Torchwood, I had my degree. The two years after that, I was only workin’ missions that had a diplomatic bent of some kind. And because I spoke more alien languages than anyone there, I was usually on the negotiation teams sent out. It’s rare to get a combat-level agent with a background in interplanetary relations, so because of my degree and my background, I was very valuable to them. Was given some of the toughest cases and had been promoted to field commander by the time I left.”

“That’s brilliant,” he elated. “Your parents must have been so proud!”

“Mum was so proud I thought she’d burst, when I got my degree. Didn’t care for the fieldwork so much, though.”

He frowned. “But not Pete?”

“He was pleased, yeah,” she hedged.

“But?” he pressed, sensing that Pete might not have been as close to Rose as he’d first supposed.

“He just….we weren’t close.” She sighed. “Look, it wasn’t that he was cruel, or anythin’. He tried to make nice, for mum’s sake, we both did, but we just couldn’t get past it all. I couldn’t get past how he’d treated me when we there during the Cybermen invasion. I think that was the first time I’d realized he _wasn’t_ my dad. He looked like him but he was a different person. If I’d met him, adult-to-adult, under normal circumstances, I’d have said he was harmless but a bit stuck up, a bit cold. And for him, he couldn’t get past who I was. I was the daughter of his counter-part. Not his, not another man’s, but his ‘other self’. And I was already an adult, so I guess he just didn’t know how to deal with me, how to relate to me.”

The Doctor felt guilty. “That’s why you were so set against the idea of making the metacrisis stand in for me.”

She shrugged. “Yeah. I know first hand what it’s like living in that situation, living in someone’s shadow, when you expect them to be that person just because they look the same. And I know what it feels like every time you realise they’re not. It’s…horrible, Doctor. No one should live like that.”

He nodded, feeling ashamed all over again. “But…but Pete didn’t mistreat you?”

“No, no, nothin’ like that. I know he cared, in his way. He offered to put me up in a flat when he found out I wanted to leave, but I refused. Didn’t feel right takin’ money from him, really. So I waited until I got into the training program, found a tiny flat I could afford and that was that.”

“So….so you don’t really miss him, then,” he wondered.

“No, not really. I mean, I was grateful he took us in, took me in, but we both knew it was always for mum’s sake rather than mine. But it’s different for mum because she never really had dad all that long, so I think that Pete is an entirely different person to her. And his wife was…well, anyway. Point being, it works for them because they _know_ the other is not the same. I miss mum, and I miss Tony, my little brother. But Pete? Not really, no.”

“So, you had your flat and your job,” he prompted, trying to get her back on track so he didn’t kick himself over another assumption he’d made that would have made her miserable.

“Yeah, that’s right. My third year at Torchwood, I met Professor Philomena McEvoy. She was there consultin’ on some teleportation tech one day and I ran into her. We started talking and I found out her special interest was inter-dimensional travel. I’d heard good things about her, knew she could help, so I got her all the information we had on Torchwood’s inter-dimensional technology, and before I knew it, we’d started the dimension cannon project. Took a year to get a working model, and we tested it several times to make sure it was stable. Every spare moment we had, we worked on it. And she kept it secret from Torchwood because she didn’t want them to claim the device as their own. I’d signed a contract giving her all monetary rights to it. I didn’t care- I just wanted the thing to work.”

Taking a deep breath, she shifted on the couch and faced him.” And then came my last year at Torchwood. So the year before that, we’d been hearing rumours. Mickey’s people had picked up that there was an underground Torchwood group calling themselves ‘the true Torchwood’. They…basically they considered it their mission to purify the world- take all alien tech for their own, dissect any alien. Just think of a pack of Yvonne Hartmans and you’d have it right.”

The Doctor’s mouth tightened at the mention of the woman whose actions had cost them and so many others so much. Smoothing his hand across her cheek, he nodded for her to continue.

“So, there were rumours, but that’s all we had. Management did a few searches and found nothing, so as far as they were concerned, it was nothing. But it never sat easy with us, and Mickey kept on digging. Didn’t find much though- they hid their tracks too well. Still, Mickey hacked into the system and found that a large number of records seemed to have been altered, or overwritten. It was enough to know that the cases where suspects goin’ missin or dyin when they shouldn’t had altered records. It was proof enough for us, and so Mickey started checking our files on the regular, to see if they’d been played with.”

“And then….and then came the Hertfordshire plague. Turns out that the year before, an alien tour group had gotten stranded in a small village in Hertfordshire when their cruise ship blew a thruster. They kept out of sight, poor buggers, didn’t hurt anyone, but one of ‘em had been sick when he got on the ship. Most of them came down with it at some point, and for them, it was mostly harmless. …they had the _Polaceas_ virus.” 

His expression grew grim with understanding. The _Polaceas_ virus was akin to a common cold for the natives of Kantha. However, for humans and other humanoid species, it was deadly, something like the Black Death.

Pausing for a moment, Rose reached for her cup and sipped a little tea to moisten her throat before continuing. “We went in because the Health department had told us that it wasn’t any virus they’d ever seen before and several people had died. They’d evacuated the rest of the village and isolated them, but they didn’t know what to do next. So we went and checked it out, found the aliens and had a look round the place. We took the usual precautions, only some idiot hadn’t checked all of the biosuits and one of them had a tear. We lost Agent James Gordon two days later. So of course after we’d got it sorted and the aliens had gone, we were all sent to the Torchwood medical facility and placed under quarantine for twenty-one days to make sure we were clean. They did regular blood checks and what have you, but thankfully no one else had got it. So off we went, and didn’t think anymore on it. Only…”

“Only what?” he demanded. “What happened?”

“Like I said, Mickey…Mickey had been hacking into all our records on the regular- mine and his and Jake’s- to make sure that the underground group hadn’t been lookin’ or changin’ things they shouldn’t. And he was checking my medical record and…and one of the auto-scans for foreign bodies showed that I had mutated DNA. The scan showed my genetic structure was in a state of flux, and some of my cellular DNA had grown a third strand. “

“ _What?_ ” He gasped. “How…how is that possible?” Jumping to his feet, he tugged at her frantically. “Medbay, now!”

“It’s fine, Doctor,” she soothed, trying to pull him back down next to her.

“Rose, you’ve just told me your cellular makeup is mutating! It’s _not_ fine! We need to check this now!”

“Honestly, Doctor, I’m not in danger. Please, sit down.”

“Rose-“

“Doctor,” she interrupted, firmly. “I know you’re worried, but I promise you, I’m in no immediate danger. Look, please, just sit down and we can get on with this. I promise you, after we’re done, you can scan me to your heart’s content, OK? Please? I just…I need to get this out once and for all. It’s a lot to deal with and I need to do this. Please trust me on this. Please.”

He swallowed, breathing rapidly. Trust. He needed to show that he trusted her, despite his terror. “You’re sure that you’re not in danger?”

She nodded. “I promise. And like I said, soon as we finish here, you can scan me in the Medbay and you’ll see for yourself.”

The Doctor took a deep breath, slowing his breathing and trying to calm his racing hearts. He closed his eyes for a moment and deliberately focused on the hand holding his. Body temperature thirty-six point nine degrees Celsius. Pulse was normal. She was fine, he told himself. She was fine. He needed to let her get on with this. 

Opening his eyes, he found her waiting patiently. “O….Okay,” he managed. “You’ll let me scan you after?”

She nodded.

“Right. Then, please…please go on. How…what caused the mutation?” He braced himself for the worst, expecting to hear that it was radiation, some kind of foreign body. 

Instead, Rose smiled sadly at him and said two words that made his skin crawl. “Bad Wolf.”

“No! No no no no no! That’s not possible!” He breathed, panicking again. _What had it done to her?_ “I got it all out!”

She patted his hand reassuringly. “You did, but while it was in me, it made…changes. And it’s OK Doctor- I saw it that when I had the Vortex in me, I knew it would happen and I wanted it. I remembered it about six months after I…well, we can get to that later. Anyway, it was worth it, to come back to you, to save you- I’d do it again!”

“No! I…what changes?”

She sighed. “Well, I couldn't remember _all_ the changes, exactly, but I do know that so far I have a third genetic strand, like I said. I heal a little bit faster, I suppose. Reduced cellular degeneration, a high level of cellular rejuvenation. More sensitive to…the universe and how it feels, I s’pose. I always knew within seconds of a jump if I was in the right universe or not. That’s all, really. No second heart, no respiratory bypass or anythin’ like that. No tentacles,“ she tried to grin. “Not much change at all, really.”

The Doctor closed his eyes for a moment. “But still enough for them to go after you.”

She sighed. “Well, yeah. I was different and that made me fair game for their experiments.”

He nodded wearily. He knew all about that. But he’d never wanted Rose to know such horrors. Not his Rose. 

“So what happened? I assume they found out?”

She sighed. “Yeah. One night I woke up in the medical facility after being injured on a mission and overheard them talking- a senior consultant and one of my own team. They knew. And they were planning to ship me off to their testing facility and had apparently planned my unfortunate death so no one would go looking for me.”

“What…” he swallowed, as his stomach churned at what he was hearing. “What did you do?”

Sipping some more tea, she told him about her hospital escapade and how she’d bolted, how she and Mickey had organised for her to head to Norway to make the jump.

In spite of his worry about her biology, he listened eagerly to the story. Rose Tyler was _impressive_.

‘So I jumped,” she finished. “Needless to say, the first jump didn’t get anywhere near the right universe, but it got me out of the other one, so that was something.”

“Where… _when_ did you wind up?” he asked, unable to help himself.

Rose snorted. “The Galapagos Islands, if you can believe it, in 1835. One minute I’m alone on a beach, the next minute, the _Beagle_ is docking.”

His eyebrows rose. “You met Charles Darwin?”

“Yep,” she grinned. “Nothing like Charlie boy, by the way. Darwin was a condescending arsehole who thought the sun shone out of his arse.”

A smile crept its way across his face without permission. “Is that so?”

“Yep. An’ I told him so.”

“You’re joking!” He exclaimed. 

“Nope,” she beamed. “He got off his ship with his minions and serfs, and a sergeant from the Royal Marine Corps and saw me standing on the beach ‘dressed a like a heathen savage with no decency,’ and they all came at me. Once they realised I spoke English, they started ranting about decency and what did I think I was doing in this new place, and how did I get there, and was it the French?’ So I told ‘em that I wasn’t going to answer any questions asked by rude, judgmental people who couldn’t even be bothered to introduce themselves.”

The Doctor guffawed. 

“So then,” she chortled, “They all started flapping about and making a fuss, trying to work out what to do with me, talking about me as if I weren’t even there. Finally, one of the soldiers decided he was going to arrest me ‘as a preventative measure’. Bet he’s still feeling that kick,” she grinned. “He won’t be having kids in a hurry. Anyway, Darwin started ranting about the expedition and didn’t I know who he _was_ and so on, so I got fed up and told him off. Might have used the words ‘pompous arsehole’ somewhere in there too. Then I jumped again. You should have seen their faces!”

The Doctor laughed loudly, and pulled her to him, feeling almost giddy. “You, Rose Tyler, are one of a kind.”

She grinned. “You know it. Never piss off a Tyler woman.”

“I’ll say,” he grimaced, his hand going automatically to his cheek where he could still feel Jackie Tyler’s slap. Something occurred to him, however, and he turned immediately back to Rose, all levity gone.

“You jumped again so quickly? Even though you were injured? The strain might have killed you.” He frowned, his gut twisting at how much danger she’d put herself in.

“Well yeah, but I didn’t have much choice,” she pointed out. “Wasn’t as though I could hang about with that prat and his marauding minions there, was it? Anyway, managed a bit of a rest on the next jump.”

“Where’d you wind up?” The Doctor was almost afraid to ask.

Rose grinned. “Ancient Egypt in the year 1463 B.C. Appeared in the middle of the Temple Complex at Karnak, right in the middle of the annual festival, no less.”

In spite of his worry, the Doctor snorted. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope,” she beamed, tongue touching her teeth again. “Next thing I know, the masses are bowing before me and the Great Queen Hatchepsut is calling me the ‘most beloved daughter of Holy Horus’ and I’m a guest in the Royal Palace. Come to find out, turning up in the middle of the temple in a flash of lightening, carrying a bloody great gun and wearing blue leather is a sure sign of divinity.”

Unable to help himself, the Doctor chuckled.

“So anyway, I stayed there about two weeks before I managed to get away.”

“They kept you against your will?” He frowned. 

“Not in the way you’re thinking. I….might have collapsed soon after we got to the palace,” she grimaced.

“Not surprising in the slightest,” he muttered grimly.

“Right. So next thing I know, I’m waking up in a fluffy great bed in a gorgeous room right out of a movie, with handmaidens scattered about and one of them actually _fanning_ me, if you can believe it.” She snorted. “They called the queen and she came to see me. Turns out that I’d been unconscious for a couple of days and the court physicians had been seeing to my wound. The stomach wound was the main problem, as it had burst open again and started bleeding. That coupled with the exhaustion from the jumps had knocked me out. The royal physicians had taken it as some kind of quest to care for the ‘Daughter of Horus’ and wouldn’t let me out of bed for days. Had to sneak out to even bathe, actually.”

“ _Good_ ,” he muttered. At least _someone_ had been able to care for her.

Rolling her eyes, she continued. “Nice baths though, the Egyptians. Was worth the hassle of sneaking. Honestly, I barely had a moment to myself. I had _visitors_ to my chambers- supplicants seeking the favour of Horus. Wasn’t hard to make nice to ‘em though- most of them were nice people. And most of ‘em insisted on bring gifts. When I left, there was enough food to last a month to distribute amongst the poor.” 

“I’m glad you got to rest,” he nudged her shoulder. “And the wound was healing?”

“Oh yeah, was healing brilliantly. They had amazing physicians, those Egyptians.”

“Oh yes,” he agreed. “The Ancient Egyptians were the cornerstone for most of modern medicine- along with the Greeks, of course. And even the Greeks sent their physicians to study anatomy in Egypt. Heck, they even sent other scholars, not just the physicians.”

“Yeah, like that prat Herodotus,” Rose muttered.

The Doctor’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “You met Herodotus? Was that your next jump?”

“Nah,” she shook her head. “That was about….six jumps later, I think.”

Swallowing, the Doctor deliberately tried not to think about just how long she had been jumping about the multiverse until she found him. That was a question for later. He couldn’t help drawing her closer into him, though and dropping a kiss on the top of her head. He thought she understood, as she carefully picked up his hand and dropped kiss on it. He shuddered at the touch of her lips on his hand.

Rassilon how he’d missed her. And now he had her back. He thought his hearts might just burst at the thought.

Clearing his throat, he tried to get back to their discussion. “So….Herodotus. What’d you think of him?”

“Bit pompous. And I don’t need to tell you what he thought of me- young, female, educated and traveling alone.”

“He thought you were a courtesan?” the Doctor winced.

“Yeah,” she muttered. “Rude prick that he was. I will say, the Egyptians were at least decent about treating me like a person.”

“Oh yes,” he nodded eagerly. “The Ancient Egyptians were one of the most advanced societies in the Ancient world when it came to a woman’s status. They could own property, initiate divorce, had legal status, the whole bit. Travelled about freely, too. And they were generally able to be educated to a fairly high standard. Unlike Ancient Greek Society.”

“I’ll say,” she grumbled. “Good women were to be modest and plain and quiet and ignorant and kept at home. They were breeding stock. If a man wanted an interesting woman to talk to, he went to a courtesan. They were educated and sophisticated and interesting. Found _that_ out when I wound up in Athens in 510 BC.”

“Sounds like you’ve had a time of it,” he smiled.

“Could say that,” she snorted. “Might tell you about it all one day.”

“I’d like that,” he said softly. The anxiety was beginning to creep up on him again. Just how long had she been hopping through the universes? Had she healed properly? Or had she torn open the wound again? More to the point, would she tell him? Or would she consider it none of his business? Hesitating for a moment, he decided to just ask. “How long did you travel until you found me?”

Pausing to consider, she nabbed a biscuit from the tray. “Nearest I can tell,” she began, “it’d be about a year and a half in linear time, give or take.”

He closed his eyes, unable to fathom what she’d seen, what she’d had to face in all that time. All that and he’d been so willing to just send her away!  
_Presumptuous arse,_ he thought disparagingly to himself. He hated to consider how she’d felt after suffering all of that only for him to try to lock her away again without even speaking to her- as though she were a child who didn’t know better.

 _And she’s not a child,_ he thought grimly. Rose Tyler had never been a child, not even when he had first met her. She’d seen too much darkness in her life for that. The woman before him had seen things very few could understand and suffered persecutions that most people didn’t encounter in their entire lives. And yet, somehow, he’d been all too willing to dismiss that and send her packing, deciding he knew best, git that he was.

 _Later,_ he told himself firmly. You can kick yourself later. Now you need to prove to Rose you’re not going to be an overbearing arse and actually listen to what she’s saying.

“Know what was odd, though?” she said suddenly, pulling him from his thoughts.

“What?” He asked. 

“In all the universes I visited, far as I could tell, there was never nor had there ever been any other Rose Tyler.”

He stilled, the significance of that statement hitting him in the gut. It wasn’t a surprise, not after there hadn’t been another in Pete’s world….but still he’d never really stopped to _consider_ it, and what it meant. He’d been too afraid. “I….none of them?”

There was really only one possible reason for that.

 _It can’t be,_ he thought even as he felt the anxiety and excitement rising in his stomach. _It couldn’t._ And yet, combined with the changes to her DNA…it just might be. Which meant that he had almost sent away the best gift he could ever have been given. And almost condemned her to a very, very long life of misery.

“None of them,” she told him, watching his face. “What d’you think it means?”

The look she was giving him was blank. She was… _testing_ him, he thought nervously. She was still uncertain of his reaction. Not that he could blame her, really, after the way he’d behaved to date. She wanted to see if he’d be honest with her, or if he’d revert to form and try to fob her off with half-answers.

_Not this time._

He suspected he knew exactly what was going on and this time, he had every intention of telling her. It was hard, though. Saying the words aloud would make them real, and he was still afraid, afraid that if he admitted this, the universe would take her away from him again. He was afraid to hope it could be true. He swallowed, clutching her hands more tightly in his, unable to squeeze the words out of his throat. He needed to _see_ for himself, needed proof that the universe had actually been kind to him before he could allow himself to hope. “I think it means that…that what I was planning to do was even more unforgiveable than I had thought.”

Her face softened slightly, seeing that he wasn’t trying to fob her off. “Why’s that, then?”

“Because….because it means, Rose Tyler, that like myself and Jack, you are now unique in the multiverse. And if that is so…it means that you’re not what you once were. That you’ve changed, even more than you think you have. The question is how much, and _why_?” Swallowing again, he begged, “Please, can I take you to the Medbay now? _Please._ I just… I need to see.”

Considering him for a comment, she nodded. “Alright. Let’s go.”

An hour later, he stared at the results in front of him, unable to believe his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hopefully the next chapter will be up in the next couple of days. Look me up on tumblr - I'm countessselena - if you have any questions.


	5. Who Am I?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovely readers! And here we have the next chapter of our little story. The Doctor and Rose both have a few surprises, and the Doctor finally talks to the metacrisis. Hope you enjoy! All mistakes are my own.
> 
> If you have any questions, feel free to PM me on Tumblr at countessselena.tumblr.com.
> 
> As always, BBC Wales own Doctor Who.

“I...how is this  _possible_?” the Doctor breathed, pale faced. He swallowed and turned to face Rose. “I’m sorry, Rose. I just-I’m so, so sorry.”

In spite of herself, Rose started to feel a little worried. “What did you find? Is there something else? Something bad?”

“No, no. It’s not- that is, it isn’t  _bad_.” He inhaled and tried again. “It- what I tried to do- it’s- I’m just so sorry. I didn’t know Rose, I swear I didn’t know! Not that it excuses my actions, but I didn’t know!”

 _Ah_. Rose thought she understood why he looked so devastated now. “You’ve seen the changes,” she said softly.

“I…yes. Except they’re a lot further along than when you last saw it,” he managed shakily, trying to push his guilt to the side. “Your DNA…it’s no longer in a state of flux. It’s completely stable, now. You have a third strand attached to the DNA molecule, but it’s not…the third strand isn’t genetic material of any kind.”

“That’s what  _they_  said, too,” she said, mind whirling. “So what is it, exactly?”

“It’s Artron energy, Rose,” he said in disbelief. “It’s a strand of Artron energy, wound between the two strands. It’s become a part of the DNA molecule. I’ve never…I’ve never seen anything like it!”

Rose frowned. “But isn’t that what you have, Doctor? You have three strands, don’t you? TNA?”

He shook his head. “No. I mean- yes, I do have a three-strand molecule. But it’s  _all_  genetic material, and each of the base pairs in my cells is bound together with small amounts of Artron energy. It’s the glue, binding the base pairs together, which makes up my genetic coding. Those pairs twist together in a three strand molecular structure, which we’ll call TNA although it’s not strictly accurate. But your current DNA doesn’t have that. It has a completely separate strand made solely of Artron energy which has woven itself in with your DNA.”

She blinked, not entirely certain she understood. 

Seeing her confusion, the Doctor tried to explain. “All human DNA is made up of four chemicals called bases- adenine, guanine, cytosine, and thymine. Those four bases arrange themselves in pairs, called base pairs, bonded to a sugar molecule and a phosphate molecule. Are you with me so far?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, wishing (not for the first time) that she’d actually paid more attention at school. When she’d gone back to study in Pete’s world, she’d focused on her the subjects for her A-levels and she’d never had a chance to revisit senior form biology. 

“Right, so that combination- the combination of base pairs with the sugar and phosphate molecules- is called a nucleotide, which is a long strand-y, string-y type of…thing.” Hearing her snort, he shrugged and continued. “Two strands— two nucleotides- twist together in a double helix molecule to form what we call DNA- deoxyribonucleic acid. That DNA molecule is base unit which makes up your genes.”

“OK, right, and genes are basically your programming, and they’re inherited from both parents and passed on to your offspring, which is how they can use DNA to tell if people are related and how closely,” Rose filled in. She was beginning to understand where he was going with this. 

“Exactly!” he beamed.  “So in humans, DNA, the blueprint of your entire body and physical makeup, is made up of two nucleotide strands, each carrying the code for some feature or function of your body, including cellular degeneration. Your cells are programmed to die at a certain time before they even exist, did you know that Rose? And of course, each kind of cell has a different lifespan. For example, your brain cells last for your whole life, which is why any kind of neural damage is so dangerous and ultimately lasting. You only get one set of brain cells and if they’re damaged, your brain isn’t going to just make more after a few weeks or months, whereas other kinds of cells renew themselves all the time- like your skin, for example. Skin cells typically last two to four weeks and then you get shiny new ones.”

“OK,” she said slowly, trying to get him back on point. “So that’s why your third strand is like the other two- made up of base pairs- because it makes up part of the programming for your cells.”

“Right!”

“And mine isn’t,” she said, understanding what he was driving at. “My third strand isn’t made up of any kind of chemical at all; it’s made up of energy.”

“Precisely,” he told her, practically bouncing on his toes. “And not just any energy-  _Artron_  energy! The energy which pervades the entire vortex and drives any number of changes and functions. Time travellers absorb Artron energy in low levels and it usually enhances their cells slightly, improves the existing programming as it were- it boosts your immune system, for example. My regenerations are caused by and release Artron energy. It’s a great source of power, which is why I’m so vulnerable just after regeneration. The TARDIS runs on Artron energy- it’s what powers her, and that’s why we need to refuel at the Rift, every so often.”

Rose stared at him. “And  _that’s_  the energy I have in my cells?”

“Yes!” he nodded, ruffling his hair in agitation. “And that’s what I don’t understand. There are beings made up entirely of Artron energy, of course, and beings which harness it for their own uses, but I’ve never heard of a corporeal being who actually has it as a part of their genetic makeup! Although it certainly explains why you were so sensitive to the Artron energy in the other universe. You would have sensed the difference the same way your taste buds might taste the difference between dark chocolate and white chocolate. It’s very much a part of you now.”

She hesitated for a moment. “Does that mean that I’m going to regenerate at some point?”

The Doctor shook his head. “No. At least, I don’t think so. When a Time Lord…when  _I’m_  regenerating the energy is pulled in from and funnelled through the TARDIS- that’s why I need to be on the TARDIS to regenerate. After that, it’s released from my body. Remember that Christmas at your mum’s, during the Sycorax invasion? Remember how the energy streamed from my mouth?”

Rose nodded, remembering her terror at the time. She’d had no idea what was happening to him.

“I take it from the TARDIS and I release it when I’ve regenerated. It’s not stored inside my body because no living, corporeal being could physically harness that level of Artron energy permanently. You’re different. You actually have Artron energy as part of the blueprint which makes you up- it’s literally in your genes, Rose, part of your DNA.”

“And that’s- that’s never happened to anyone before?” she asked in shock. She had known she was changing, that her cells were no longer entirely standard for a human (she remembered enough of Bad Wolf for that), but to know she had the most powerful energy source in the universe as part of her DNA was…awe-inspiring.

“No,” he told her. “You are entirely unique in this universe and all the universes.”

“Does that- does that mean that I’m not human anymore?” she asked quietly.

“No,” he told her emphatically. “You’re still wonderfully, brilliantly fantastically human, just…more. You’re Rose with extra features- brilliant, fantastic, life-changing features. But you’re still human.”

 “Right,” she said. “What…what does it mean for me? What will it do to me, exactly, having Artron energy as part of my makeup?”

He tugged at an earlobe, casting a her a worried glance. “Your lifespan…I can’t give you specifics without examining your genes more closely, but the energy has changed the coding of your existing DNA- your cells have stopped deteriorating altogether. I…based on what I have in front of me, I’d estimate that you can expect to live anywhere between seven to nine hundred years at a minimum. Of course, that could increase as some of your biochemical processes seem to be in flux, but I have no idea what they’re doing just yet. I have a few more scans running.”

“Nine hundred years,” she said slowly. She’d known from her memories of the Gamestation that her lifespan and her makeup had been changed- she’d chosen that, chosen to change to stay with her Doctor, but she couldn’t remember exactly what those changes would be. Her mind seemed to have erected barriers which enabled her to remember what had happened generally, without actually allowing her to see what she had seen during her time as Bad Wolf. She’d guessed it was a protection mechanism, of sorts.

Mistaking her quiet for anger, he seized her hands desperately. “Rose, I’m so sorry! What I tried to do was unforgiveable, and now even more so than before! I would have condemned you to a long, long life locked away from everything you know and in the wrong universe while  _he_  died, your mum died and everyone around you died. I’m sorry, Rose, I am! I’m so sorry!”

Rose sighed and met his pleading gaze. She couldn’t pretend wasn’t still angry every time she thought about what he’d tried to do, that she wasn’t hurt, but he had apologised and admitted his wrong in a very big, humbling way. What was the point in holding it over his head? What was done was done and he had promised never to make her decisions for her again. What else could he do?

“Doctor,” she said softly. “I knew my lifespan would change as soon as I saw those results, back in the other universe. I didn’t think it would be such a  _huge_  change, but it was pretty obvious that something like this was goin’ to happen. Then when I remembered what happened on the Gamestation….I knew, Doctor, even if I didn’t have specifics. Yeah, it would have been…awful back there, even if those nutters weren’t hunting me, watching everyone die, stuck there away from you and the TARDIS and…everything, an’ I won’t lie and say I’m not hurt that you tried to send me back, because I am.”

He made a wounded sound and she squeezed his hands comfortingly.

“Honestly, I’m still a bit angry whenever I think that you tried to send me away like that.” She shrugged. “ ‘S just how I feel and an’ it’ll take a while for that to go, but angry or not, I’ve already forgiven you Doctor. You apologised and admitted you were wrong and that’s that. Not like I haven’t made mistakes too, and you always forgave me.” She knew he remembered the events of 1987 as well as she did. “So…no more apologies, yeah? Let’s just move forward.”

He blinked, his eyes suspiciously moist. “I don’t deserve you or your forgiveness, Rose Tyler.”

She smiled. “But I’m giving it to you anyway.”

He smiled shakily back. “Well, when you put it like that…”

“Exactly,” she winked, tongue in teeth, causing him to choke.

 “So, back to the changes,” he said, clearing his throat and ignoring her grin. “Increased life span, better immune system…and healing. Your ability to heal from things that could have seriously injured or killed you before has improved significantly. Which,” his expression suddenly darkened, “is a bloody good thing considering some of the injuries you seem to have sustained over the past few years. As it is, I’m guessing there’s a significant amount of scarring from the older injuries, when the changes wouldn’t have been far enough along to deal with it.”

Her nod caused him to scowl. “Right, well I’ll want a look at those later, if...if that’s ok. I…some of them might be too old but I might be able to heal a few. At any rate, you’re not in any immediate danger, so that can wait.” At her nod of agreement, he moved to the next item on his list, absently stroking her hand all the while. 

“Psychic capabilities,” he said bluntly, not seeing her flinch. “Humans are latent telepaths for the most part and the increased level of Artron energy in your body would have brought it to the fore. You’re going to need barriers and I’m going to need to assess how strong your abilities are if you’re comfortable letting me in your head and- what?” he asked, obviously confused at the expression on her face. “Why are you looking at me like that Rose? You’re not…not worried about letting me in your head, are you? I’d never do it without your permission and I swear I’ll be a gentleman, I won’t look at anything you don’t want me to and- no?”

Shaking her head at him, she wet her lips and tried to speak, worried at how he would take the last of her secrets. She knew he’d understand, knew it had been the right thing to do, but still, she was a little nervous. She swallowed and tried again. “I-no, that’s not it Doctor. I trust you with my mind an’ I trust you to respect my limits.”

He shook his head in bewilderment. “Then what-”

 _Just say it Rose,_ she told herself.This was the Doctor, after all. Who better to understand? And he’d already told her he would.  She took a deep breath and hoped for the best. “Jelly babies should be the universal currency.”

He goggled at her. “ _What?_  Rose, is something the matter with your head? I don’t-” He froze suddenly as the hidden memory surfaced. “ _Oh!_ ” he breathed. “Oh, Rose! I…remember! I saw you! I spoke to you, Leela and I met you there on Saverna. You appeared in the forest in a flash of light in the middle of the night! You were lost…and you were projecting,” he recalled worriedly.

She nodded and swallowed nervously. “Yeah. You said I was broadcasting loud enough to wake the seven sleeping soothsayers of Kolama and I needed to control it, or to build barriers at least. You thought I’d had a memory wipe or something and lost my shields.”

“You argued with me,” he remembered. “You were insistent that, as you were from my future, it would endanger the entire timeline if I remembered meeting you before you met me. I had to swear to repress the memory and hide it before you let me anywhere near your head. You threatened to  _stun_ me and tie me up with my own scarf if I refused!” he added indignantly. 

She gave a small smile. “It was a  _very_ long scarf, Doctor.”

“It was a brilliant scarf and it was entirely fashionable!” he insisted.

“Whatever you say.” She felt relieved, somehow, that he was taking it so well. She knew he’d understand, but still…she had been worried.

“Humph,” he sniffed, before flicking her a reassuring smile. “Well, at any rate, you were perfectly right- the memory had to be supressed. I agreed with you then, and I agree now. Although It is a bit... discombobulating, to think I’d met you before we met.” He frowned, concentrating. “I built a full set of shields for you, didn’t I? No training though; I left that for  _this_  me.”

She smiled. “Yeah. You saved me a lot of trouble. I’d already been tracked by several telepathic races and not all of them were nice. Least this way I could slip under their radar.”

He nodded slowly. “So you said at the time.” He fixed her with a look. “This isn’t the only supressed memory, is it?”

She shook her head. “Ran into you- well, past you- quite a few times, actually. Turns out if there’s trouble you’re usually involved.”

“Oi! Just what are you insinuating? And anyway, that’s rich coming from  _you_ , Rose Tyler! You’re jeopardy friendly, you are!”

“Learned from the best!” she jibed back, feeling unaccountably lighter.

He snorted. “I wish I could deny that, but I’d be lying. How…how many other suppressed memories are there?”

She squinted in thought. “Four. I saw you pretty often, actually, but you didn’t always see me. What?” she said at his surprised look. “I was trying to be careful not to cross your timeline too often. Two of those times were because you were in trouble. Otherwise you’d never have known I was there.”

“Right,” he smiled. “Good thinking, Rose Tyler. So, these other memories- is there a trigger phrase for each one? Or are they time lapsed?”

“The last incarnation of you I met…he saw everything. All of our time together,” she said softly. “Including the past versions of you I met on my jumps. After that, he decided to tie those memories to the one you just remembered. He said they’d all surface quickly after that.”

“Which me did that?” he asked hesitantly.

She smiled softly. “You already know that.”

Before he could reply, his eyes glazed over as the memories surfaced. 

“Oh  _Rose_ ,” he whispered in awe. His eyes glistened and his hands shook. “It was you. It was you all along!  _You_ saved me after the Time War. Twice!”

She smiled, blinking away the tears that suddenly filled her eyes. “I couldn’t believe it. I thought I’d never see you again, that you, and suddenly there you were- my blue-eyed Doctor. My first Doctor.”

“I was so rude to you, at first,” he winced. “I was…angry with the TARDIS and I took it out on you.”

“She stopped you from killing yourself and her,” she said bluntly, even as she swiped at her eyes. “She told me everything.”

His eyes widened. “She did?”

“Yes,” she told him, trying to tamp down the remembered fear.  “You were furious that she kept materialising in the same spot in Hilotan desert, no matter how many times you set different coordinates. And then I arrived. So you were already angry and you weren’t entirely pleased to see me…”

“But even I as damaged as I was, I could feel there was something about you, something pulling me…I needed to know more,” he remembered. “Not that I was polite about it.”

“Not exactly, no,” she snorted. “You said you wanted to know why an ape was drenched in Artron energy- and how I’d just appeared out of nowhere. You got angrier when I told you I was from your future and refused to tell you anything.”

He smiled sadly. “I was…afraid, and very angry. I didn’t think I  _had_  a future, then. I’d just regenerated a few days before and, well, you know what I’d come from.”

“I knew,” she assured him, squeezing his hands. “I never blamed you.”

“Even then, you intrigued me,” he told her. “The TARDIS was practically singing when she saw you. Broken as I was, I recognised that you were important somehow- important to me and to the TARDIS.”

The ship hummed loudly.

The Doctor smiled ruefully. “Yes, I know  _now_  why you kept us in that infernal desert. You were right and I was wrong. We did need to be there.”

The ship hummed again, smugly.

Rose grinned. “I reckon she’s got a right to be smug after that, Doctor.” 

“Yeah,” he winced. “I wasn’t very nice to her that day- called her names for keeping me alive.” He rubbed the wall in apology. “She takes better care of me than I deserve.”

The ship hummed once more affectionately. 

“She looked after me until you calmed down,” Rose told him. “She had me settled good and proper in the library ‘til you came out of wherever you were hiding, and gave me more food than I could eat in a week.” 

She giggled suddenly, remembering the Doctor’s shock at finding her not only on board his ship but being mothered by the TARDIS. He’d been completely stunned when he learned that she had a key. That was when he’d managed to tamp down his turbulent emotions enough to question her properly. Eventually, despite her best efforts he’d noticed that she was wounded (thank you very much so-called peaceful plains of Plasia) and he’d grudgingly offered to treat her wounds. The TARDIS had refused to leave the Hilotan desert, and he’d eventually offered to let Rose stay on board to recuperate. She’d ended up staying for a month.

They had grown slowly closer during that month, getting to know one another (or reminiscing, in her case) and helping the other fight their demons, just as they had the first time. She saw how much the silence and guilt in his mind was killing him and stayed close to remind him that he wasn’t alone. She held him through the nightmares, disappearing before he woke up the next morning. He saw how tired she was, how lonely, how much she wanted to get home to the Doctor she’d been torn away from and tried his best to fill the gap. What he didn’t know was that just  _seeing_  him again was a precious, precious gift, one she’d never expected to have, and she’d told him so as she was getting ready to leave.  He’d asked to see  _everything_ , knowing he’d have to suppress the memories anyway. 

 _“Show me that I have a future, that I have something to live for,”_   _he’d begged her_. “ _Even if I have to forget, please, show me now. I know I’m not the one that you love, the one you’re looking for, but please, show me that even if it’s another regeneration away, there’s something left for me.”_

_“Oh, my Doctor, we have a long way to go, you ’n me,” she’d smiled through her tears. “You’re the one I ran off with, the one I stayed with, the one I came back to die with. You’re the one I fell in love with.”_

She’d showed him everything, and she’d kissed him. He’d cried as he locked away the memories and she’d been sobbing as she walked out of the TARDIS, knowing she’d never see her first Doctor again.

 “You stayed with me for a month,” the Doctor said softly, bringing her back to the present. “You looked after me as much, if not more, than I looked after you, even when I pushed you away. You were the one who saved me from the nightmares. I always wondered just how I’d managed to get through that first month, how I managed to live long enough to meet you during the Auton invasion, when all this time, it was you. Always you, even before I knew you. You saved me.”

“You’re my Doctor,” she said simply. “Then or now, whether you know me or not, whatever face you wear- you’re my Doctor.”

He stared at her, frozen for a moment before seizing her and kissing her ferociously.

She kissed him back just as fiercely, pouring every ounce of love she had into the kiss. Some small part of her still couldn’t believe that she could do this, that it was allowed. The rest of her was completely absorbed in the feel of the Doctor’s lips moving over hers.

Eventually, the need for air won out and she pulled back, gasping slightly as he leaned his forehead against hers.

“Rose Tyler,” he said quietly. “ _My_  Rose.”

She smiled and buried her face into his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. “Yes.”

“You kissed me,” he said suddenly, pulling back. “When I was Big Ears- you kissed me! He kissed you before me!”

She rolled her eyes. “Doctor, he  _is_  you. Besides, that you kissed me first anyway- when you took the Vortex out of me.”

“Both excellent points,” he conceded. “And yet, I still find myself entirely jealous of me.”

Rose stared at him. “Do you have  _any_  idea how mental that sounds?”

“Well, yes. But it’s true, nonetheless!”

Shaking her head, she buried her face back into his shoulder, snorting as she heard him muttering about lucky big-eared bastards.

Eventually, however, he calmed down enough to bring up the other three suppressed memories. 

“We met in my first regeneration- when I had left Susan.”

“After you’d locked her out of the TARDIS, you mean,” she said pointedly. “The TARDIS mentioned that.”

He winced. “Yes, well, she was in love, and she was worried about leaving her old grandfather. I didn’t want her to waste her chance at happiness just because she didn’t want to leave me alone.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “You really need to start finding better ways of helping people. Making choices for them is gettin’  _really_ old.”

“Yeah, I know. Still, she was happy, in the end,” he said softly. “But I was lonely and feeling rather sorry for myself when suddenly, there you were. A strange young woman in the middle of Hyde Park, drenched in Artron energy who refused to tell me anything other than the fact that you were from my future and that I had to suppress the memory. I taught you to play gin rummy and you stayed with me for an entire day.”

“Yeah,” she said smilingly. “Although I still think you cheated.”

He smiled fondly. “We also met in my fifth incarnation, although that was very awkward.”

“That wasn’t my fault! I cut you down from an animal trap that was swinging from a  _tree_!” she said in exasperation. “I didn’t even know who you were at first- you were just the bloke in the tree until I cut you down. Then we had to go through the whole ‘you will know me in the future so please supress these memories’ speech.”

“I did it almost straightaway!” he said defensively. “I wasn’t very argumentative in that body, really.”

“Yeah, not nearly as annoying as your seventh self!” she said pointedly. 

“In my defence, that was  _not_  my fault!” he protested. “How was I supposed to know that magic was forbidden on pain of death on Meldina?”

“Yeah, but did you have to be such a  _prat_  about it while I was tryin’ to get you out? You’re lucky I’d been staying in the village and that I’d heard someone mention they’d locked up a heretic named the Doctor, or you’d have been killed! And talk about passive aggressive! First you were this bumbling great buffoon and then suddenly it was like trying to make a deal with Machiavelli! All you had to do was pretend to be a little crazy and mumble, but you were so difficult that I had to threaten to stun you  _again!_  They were going to burn you, Doctor, there’s no coming back from that.”

He looked down sheepishly. “All right, so I was a little difficult in that body. But you still got me out.”

“Yeah- after I threatened to force feed you a pear if you didn’t go along with it.”

The Time Lord shuddered. “That was cruel and entirely unnecessary.”

She cocked an eyebrow, remembering just how stubborn and irritating he’d been during that meeting. “It was totally necessary. You were stubborn as hell. The TARDIS had to threaten to knock you out and hide your memories of me herself because you refused! Just to be annoying!”

He sighed. “Fine! It was necessary but it was still cruel! Pears are  _horrid!_ ”

Rose snorted, unable to repress her smile. “Whatever you say, Doctor.”

“Ah, my Rose, what would I do without you?” he sighed dramatically, hiding his own smile.

She shrugged, secretly basking in the pleasure of being called  _his_ Rose. “You save me, I save you. We look out for each other- ‘s what we’ve always done, since the very first day I met you.”

“Yeah,” he grinned somewhat goofily, tugging her towards him. “It is, isn’t it? We’re a team, the best team. Hope and Glory, Mutt and Jeff, Shiver and Shake!” 

“Yeah,” she smiled, remembering the words he’d said so long ago.

They were both silent for a moment, just drinking in the presence of the other. It had been a long, long journey to get here, and whilst had been entirely worth it, Rose was so glad that she was  _here_ , that the searching was over.

Finally, the Doctor sighed and pulled back. “Right, we’ve got things to do. Medical results now, reminiscing later.”

She inhaled. “So is there anything else I should know? About the Artron strand in my DNA?”

He shook his head. “No, only that…I suppose you might be more vulnerable, more of a target. Some might want to use you as a power source, but frankly there are much better sources. The Artron is scattered around your body, rather than being collected in one nice, big, convenient blob.”

Rose nodded slowly. “Right. But that won’t make me more of a target than I already am, considering…you know.”

The Doctor ran his fingers through his hair in agitation. “Much as I hate to say it, yes, you’re already a target due to your altered physiology, Artron energy or no, and this won’t make it any better or worse. We’ll need to keep it quiet.”

“I could travel under an alias, so no one can trace my age. I have those papers in the name of Jane Phillips,” she suggested. “We could use that name when we’re travelling.”

“No, best to keep that name under wraps,” he said distractedly as he pushed a few buttons on the terminal. “You might need to use it for something else, like my John Smith alias- oh!” he frowned, slipping on his glasses and peering at the screen. “That’s odd.”

“What?”

“There’s a chemical in your blood, a new one. The structure rings a bell, but…I’ll have to do a bit of research. I can’t quite place it….At any rate, it isn’t doing you any harm and seems to have integrated quite well with your biochemistry, so let’s sleep on that one until we sort out our other two passengers.” He took a deep breath and sighed. “I need to examine them both now that I know you’re more or less alright.”

“You mean the metacrisis and…and  _Donna_?” she frowned. “What’s wrong with Donna?”

 

The Doctor sighed again. “She’s holding the knowledge and memories of a Time Lord within a human mind, Rose. I….if I don’t do something, it will burn out her mind and she’ll die.”

 

“What?” she panicked. “Then what the hell are you doing takin’ all this time with me? You need to fix her now!”

 

“Rose, it’s fine, for now,” he soothed. “The TARDIS has had her in an induced sleep since we entered the void. The other me…the metacrisis, I mean, has built some temporary barriers to stop it from destroying her mind. But they’ll only hold up for so long- a month at most. We need to find a solution before that happens, because once her mind starts to burn…I’ll have to take all of her memories, everything she has of me and living on the TARDIS to protect her.”

 

“You can’t!” Rose protested. “She’d hate it! You can’t do that to her.”

 

“If it gets to that point, it’ll be the only thing that saves her life,” he said grimly. 

 

Rose fixed him with a glare. “Then you and- and  _him_ need to get your heads together and find another way. You can’t take her whole life from her, Doctor.”

 

“I don’t want to, believe me.”

 

“Then go wake her up and talk to her, Doctor. Both of you. Find a way. If she’s anything like me, she’d probably rather be dead than lose her memories of traveling with you.”

 

The Time Lord winced. “Don’t say that.”

 

“It’s true,” she told him seriously. “Traveling with you  _made_  my life. I was nobody and doing nothing, really, just driftin’ and suddenly you came and I was doin’ things I’d never dreamed of, learned things most people will never know. It’s amazing, best gift in the world. But to have it taken away?” she swallowed. “I honestly think I’d rather burn than forget that I ever had that.”

 

“Don’t say that,” he begged. “Please …I can’t….just don’t, Rose.”

 

“Alright,” she relented, seeing the terror in his face. “But it’s still true- and you need to find a way so you don’t take that from her. If you can  _both_ work in her mind, there’s got to be something you can do?”

 

Rubbing his face tiredly, he sighed. “I’ll try everything to find a way. And…and I promise I won’t do anything without talking to her first.”

 

Rose gave him a stern look. “You’d better not, Doctor. Let her make her choices or I swear I’ll slap you.”

 

He shuddered. “No thanks. One was enough, I reckon.”

 

She cast him a small grin and nudged him towards the door. “Go on, then. Go and talk to her- to  _them_. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

 

“In your room?” he asked, slightly anxious. “You’ll…you won’t…”

 

“I just need to unpack,” she soothed him, knowing the reason for his panic. “ ‘Sides,” she rubbed her eyes.  “I’m knackered. I’d kill for a hot shower and a nap. And some clean clothes,” she grimaced, poking at the blue leather jacket she still wore.

 

“Oh.” He smiled sheepishly. “Of course. Off you go then. I’ll come and see you as soon as we’re done.”

 

“Right,” she smiled, turning to go.

 

“Oh, and Rose?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Rest well, love,” he told her softly.

 

Unable to help the blush that spread across her face, she turned and kissed him lightly before making for the corridor.

 

Things were certainly going to be different around here, she thought, noticing absently that the TARDIS had moved her room right next door. With a grateful pat to the wall, she dragged herself in, finding that now the adrenalin and anger had worn off, she could barely stand.

 

She did notice that all of her belongings had been put back in their place and the room looked tidy and ready to be used. Rose snorted. The TARDIS was making herself very clear; Rose wasn’t going anywhere. Chortling, she made her way into the bathroom and sighed at the shower that was already running at the perfect temperature.

 

So  _some_  things hadn’t changed, she thought minutes later as she wiggled happily into bed in her favorite jimjams.

 

 _But,_ she thought, remembering her kisses with the Doctor,  _other_  things had changed quite a bit. But that wasn’t a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________

The Doctor stared after Rose as she walked from the room, cheeks flushed. He still couldn’t believe that this was happening, that it was real. That she’d given him a chance after everything that had happened, that he’d finally thrown centuries of inbred reserve and repression and fear to the winds.

He didn’t deserve her. Not after what he’d tried to do, what he’d already done and what he’d learned today. Not after what she’d done for  _him_ , every him she’d met, it would seem.

 _But she loves you anyway_ , a suspiciously Northern sounding voice in his pointed out.  _An’ you love her. If she’s forgiven you, isn’t that enough to be getting on with? Or are you goin’ to spend the next fifty years tryin’ to convince her you don’t deserve it? All right, so you don’t deserve her, true enough, but you can be better for her. Be the man she deserves- stop mopin’ and get on it with it, pretty boy._

Well, that certainly settled who was giving  _that_  little pep talk, but it was true nonetheless. He could flap about and mope that he didn’t deserve her, or he could work to be the man she deserved. The man who cherished her, the man who respected her choices, even when he didn’t agree with them, the man who who’d put her feelings before his own, the man who accepted her love and didn’t run from it.

Right.

So, he’d start by accepting the love she offered instead of finding reasons to say he didn’t deserve it. He cringed to think of disgracefully ungrateful way he had been responding to such a precious, precious gift.  He’d just been given everything he’d never dreamed he would have- Rose was back, by some miracle she now had a lifespan more or less comparable to his, give or take a few hundred years, and she  _loved_ him. She. Loved. Him.

What in the name of Rassilon’s bushy left eyebrow did he have to mope about?

 _You really are a pathetic, pompous, pessimistic prat_ , he scolded himself.  _Ooooh that’s good alliteration, that is._

He shook himself and tried to focus on the task at hand. He could navel gaze (and really, that was a ridiculous saying because who wanted to stare at their own navel? Unless it was started by a race who spent time gazing at  _each other’s_  navels…) later.In the meantime, he had work to do.

First things first.  They needed to know if the metacrisis’ physiology was stable, and what was happening in that unique body of his. In spite of the situation, the Doctor practically bounced his way to the garden, where he knew he’d find the metacrisis. This could prove to be fascinating- a physical examination of the very first Time Lord human metacrisis. Would his physiology be primarily human? Or would it be primarily Time Lord, with a few human modifications, such as the single vascular system? Would his cells be a combination of Gallifreyan and human genetic material? Or would it be something different altogether?

This was going to be  _brilliant_.

As he stopped in front of the door to the garden, however, the TARDIS nudged his mind and he deflated.

Of course, he was also going to have to apologise for what he’d said to the other man. He’d promised Rose, after all, but more importantly, he owed it to him. The metacrisis had done what had to be done, as much as the Doctor had hated it, and it hadn’t been fair of him to pile guilt and accusations on the other man. He cringed when he remembered how he’d accused him of being a genocidal lunatic and the other him had flung those accusations right back at him.

Evidently, rude and not ginger were two traits that he’d passed on to the other man.

And they were really going to have to come up with a name for the metacrisis- he couldn’t keep calling him ‘the other man’. He was a separate person after all. He shuddered. This was all getting very existential and far too Sartre-esque. 

 _Right, enough of that._ Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and froze.

He was in Gallifrey.

Or rather, the TARDIS had shifted the garden setting to Gallifrey on a late summer’s afternoon.

Swallowing, he stood and stared at the burnt orange sky he’d never thought to see again, the twin suns burning low on the horizon and the snow-capped mountains standing tall in the distance. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled the scent of the scent of Schlenk blossoms and his eyes filled with tears as his mind flashed back to the last time he’d seen his home, destroyed and pillaged, the silver-leaved Cadonwood trees set aflame by the ravages of the Time War. That had been close to the end, just before he had- before it was all gone. He hadn’t seen it like  _this_ , peaceful and unspoiled, for so very long.

He stood lost in his memories for what seemed to be hours, the TARDIS caressing his mind mournfully before he managed to shake himself free of his stupor. Tamping down his emotions, he dashed the tears from his cheeks and strode off to find the other man. He had work to do.

The Doctor found the blue-suited man sitting under a lone Cadonwood tree, resting against the trunk as he gazed to the far distant horizon, where the Mountains of Solace stood tall.

Wordlessly, the Doctor dropped to the ground beside him, gazing on what he’d never thought to see again. For many moments, there was only silence, until at last, the metacrisis spoke quietly.

“It’s very beautiful.”

“Yes,” the Doctor said softly.

The other man continued to gaze into the distance. “It’s hard for you to see this.”

The Time Lord swallowed. “Yes.”

Finally, the other man turned to look at him. “I thought it would be hard for me too, that it would hurt more than it does. And it does hurt, but not…. not like I thought it would.”

The Doctor inhaled painfully. “Because they’re not your memories.”

“No. They’re  _yours_.”

“Is that-” The Doctor stopped to clear his throat. “Is that why you asked for- for  _this_?”

“Yes. I had to know- I  _needed_  to know whether it would feel the same as it did when I was part of you.”

“And how does it feel?” he asked, almost dreading the answer.

“As though…as though I’m looking at something I’ve seen in a photo album,” the other man said slowly. “Something that I knew so very long ago, and it aches to see it, but it’s almost as though it’s not mine, that I’m watching a film of someone else’s life.” He ruffled his hair in frustration, unable to fully articulate what he meant. “You know when you’re in someone’s mind?”

The Doctor nodded.

“And you’re walking through their memories, through their mind, and it feels as though you were there?”

He nodded again.

“It’s almost like that. As though I’m walking the paths of someone else’s mind and I can see what they see, feel what they feel, and for that moment, I’m part of it. Only, as soon as I end contact and leave their mind-”

“It’s not yours anymore,” the Doctor said quietly, understanding what the other man was driving at.

“Exactly. I’m back in my own mind. Only, my own mind isn’t my really own, is it?” the metacrisis said bitterly. “It’s a soup made of two ingredients: your mind and Donna’s. There’s nothing of me there. It’s as if I’m permanently walking in someone else’s mind because I have nowhere else to go.”

The Doctor exhaled guiltily, finally beginning to understand why Rose had been so vehement in her defence of the metacrisis’ right to live as himself. If this is what the man felt mere hours after his generation, then what would have been his state of mind days or months down the track? Would he have broken under the strain? Would he have grown to resent anyone and everyone associated with his past memories? Would he have taken off and left Rose, unable to bear the expectation that he was just a copy of the Doctor? The possibilities were endless, and none of them good.

The Time Lord knew then that he  _did_  owe this man an apology, and not just for his comments about the Daleks, either. He owed him an apology for trying to force him to play a part for the rest of his life. For trying to force him to have a life with Rose just because the Doctor wanted a life with Rose. For locking him away from the TARDIS even though he was bonded to her because the Doctor was bonded to her. For putting the burden of making Rose happy on him because the Doctor wanted it but was too afraid to take the risk.

And oh, wasn’t  _that_  galling? This man, this unprecedented hybrid, would have been the Doctor’s puppet, moving in time to his tune because the Doctor was  _afraid_. 

As a result, Rose would have been miserable. The metacrisis would have been miserable. The Doctor would have been miserable. Everyone would have been miserable, and why? 

 _Because you’re a thick, cowardly git_ , the Doctor berated himself. He knew better than to let fear drive him, and yet, that’s exactly what he’d done. As a result, he’d nearly committed an unforgiveable act and tried to call it good.

How did one come back from that?

 _Just… tell him you’re sorry_ , came the Northern voice, reminding him of a fight he’d had with Rose so long ago when he’d taken her to 1987.

Was it really that simple? Rose had accepted his apology…. If nothing else, it was a good place to start.

Taking a deep breath, he turned and looked the other man full in the face. “I….I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry for what I said, for what I tried to do.”

The other man stared at him. “Beg pardon?”

The Doctor gestured wildly. “I said, I’m sorry! I’m apologising!”

The metacrisis cocked his head to the side. “For what, exactly?”

The Doctor groaned and flung himself back to lean against the tree, his head thudding against the trunk. “Oh,  _everything_.  I’m sorry for calling you a genocidal lunatic when you’re right, it did need to be done- destroying the Daleks, I mean. I’m sorry for trying to lock you away from the TARDIS forever, and for not bothering to even find out anything about you or your physiology. And most of all, I’m sorry for trying to force you to play me, to make you play make-believe with Rose when it would have made the both of you  _miserable._  Basically, I’m apologising for anything which has happened since your generation because I’m a thick git.”

The other man snorted. “Finally worked that out, have you?”

The Doctor stared. “Oi! I’m baring my soul here. I’m apologising. I mean it!”

After staring him full in the face for several long moments, the metacrisis nodded. “Well…. alright then.”

“Alright?” The Doctor flailed about frantically. “I would have made everybody miserable! What do you mean  _alright_?”

The man in blue snorted. “Yes, you would have. And by the sounds of it, you know that. What do you want from me? Absolution?”

The Time Lord stopped short. What  _did_ he want from the other man?

Seeing that the Doctor was stumped, the metacrisis took pity on him. “Look,” he said. “You fucked up.”

The Doctor blinked at the very  _human_  profanity the other had used. Another difference, it would seem- must have been Donna’s influence. He personally wasn’t given to profanities all that much, and when he was, Ixtaxian had some fantastic, twenty syllable…. He started when the other man cleared his throat. Oh,  _right_. 

“As I was saying,” the metacrisis continued. “You fucked up. You know that. But there are several factors which can redeem this situation, in spite of your fuckery.”

The Doctor jumped. “Must you?”

The metacrisis fixed him with a look, and the Doctor got the impression that he was using those vulgar words on purpose. “Firstly, you’ve admitted your mistake. Secondly, you’ve asked or are asking forgiveness. R-rose has forgiven you, hasn’t she?”

The Doctor was unable to prevent the goofy, very un-Time Lord smile that spread across his face.

The other man gave him a pained smile. “Right. And once we wake Donna, I presume you’re going to apologise to her too? For what you were going to do, what you  _would_  have done had Rose and I done as you intended?”

“Of course I am!” the Time Lord said indignantly.

“And you won’t act so presumptuously again?” the metacrisis pressed. “You won’t decide what people should want? You’ll let others make their own choices?”

“Yes, of course, I’ve promised Rose- that I-”

 “Then it’s alright. There’s nothing else that needs to be said. Honestly, you acted like a presumptuous prat.” The two men shared a grin of appreciation at the unintended alliteration before the other man pressed on. “And people are going to be pissed off for a while, but you’ve apologised. Give them time and it’ll blow over. Just don’t do it again.”

The Doctor blinked at the very sound, very  _human_  (very  _female_ human, actually now that he thought of it- was this Donna’s influence?) wisdom coming from the man next to him. If ever he had needed further proof that this man wasn’t him, he had it now. His own instinct was either to dwell and wallow or to run. Was it really that simple?

 _Of course it is, you utter twit_ , the Northern voice told him exasperatedly.  _What else are you goin’ to? Compose an Ode to your Sorrow? Apologise, make it right and move on._

Clearing his throat and deliberately ignoring the voice in his mind, he nodded. “Right. Well, that’s that sorted then. What-what are you going to do now?”

The blue suited man sighed. “Honestly? No idea. I suppose…I suppose I just want to  _be,_  really. I want to make memories, do things, have my own feelings about things. Actually be a person, instead of a copy. But how do I want to do that? No idea.”

The Time Lord nodded slowly, rubbing absently at the bark of the Cadonwood tree. “I can understand that, but I think before you make plans, we need to…investigate your makeup a bit.”

The metacrisis cocked an eyebrow at him. “You mean, you want to see if my physiology is stable or if I’m going to self-destruct in a few days’ time.”

The Doctor winced. “I didn’t say that.”

“But it’s what you meant.”

“Blimey, you sound like Donna right now,” the Time Lord muttered.

“Yeah I know.  _Wizard_ , isn’t it?” the metacrisis grinned smugly.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “However you want to put it, we need to check. There’s never been a Time-Lord-human metacrisis before and we need to have a closer look.”

The blue suited man sighed. “Yeah, I know. Alright then. Meet you in the infirmary.” With that, he heaved himself to his feet and made his way to the door, understanding that the Doctor needed a moment alone in this place.

The Doctor stood and looked at the home he’d never appreciated while it existed. He’d hated what was expected of him, hated the reserve of his people, hated their laws of non-interference. But for all that, it had been home. Now, there was nothing but debris floating around the time-lock where Gallifrey had once stood. There was nothing but the hated silence in his mind.

 _But there doesn’t have to be, does it?_ the Northern voice came again.  _There’s Rose._

The Doctor smiled. Yes. There was  _Rose_. She was his new home. She could fill the hated silence in his mind, if she wanted to. One day, she might be willing to bond with him. She might walk with him in this garden, to learn about his home and help him remember.

But he was getting ahead of himself. For the time being, he had urgent things to do.

Sighing, he patted the bark of the Cadonwood tree once more and turned to leave. He knew he wouldn’t see this place again for a time yet, that he wasn’t ready to be so confronted by the past just now, but soon enough, he would be. One day, he would look on this place and whilst it would be bittersweet, he would no longer run from its memory, because he had someone to exorcise his demons, to help him purge away the guilt and fear he’d been carrying for too long.

It was time to stop mourning Gallifrey and start remembering it. He was the only one left to do so, and it was time he started preserving its memory. He’d been running for far too long.

 


	6. It's All in the Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well hello there! Here we have the next chapter of this little fic. In this chapter we see our dear characters making some decisions and changes as they try to move forward. I hope you enjoy it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a little longer than I expected to complete, what with Christmas and NY and so on, but also because the characters were seriously stubborn and not at all cooperative. I'm still not really happy with this chapter, might fiddle with it a little (nothing major) when I've finished the fic. Will see. In the meantime, on with the show and I hope you enjoy the chapter! As always, all mistakes are mine and this is un-beta'd.
> 
> If you have any questions, feel free to contact me on tumblr at http://countessselena.tumblr.com/.

“Oh.” 

“Quite.”

“This is not good.”

“Very, very not good.”

“This is decidedly very not good.”

“Indeed.”

“Right!” Donna bellowed. “That’s enough. You!” She pointed at the Metacrisis. “Start talking, and you!” She pointed at the Time Lord. “Shut it!”

The Time Lord huffed. “Rude.”

The Metacrisis grinned. “But _ginger_!”

“Oi! What’d I say?”

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Are you sure we need her here for this? We could’ve just woken her up _after_ we finished testing you.”

“No we couldn’t. We agreed that she needed to be here,” the Metacrisis interrupted before Mount Donna could erupt. “Donna, what did you want to know?”

Donna glared at the Doctor once more before turning to the Metacrisis. “I want to know, Alien Breath, what the hell you and the Pin-striped Prawn there were on about with all that “not good” business. What’s not good? Are you sick? Unstable? Part horse? What?”

The Metacrisis grimaced. “It’s not ‘not good,’ exactly. It’s more….not good in the sense that it would have been a complete disaster had things gone to his-” and here he pointed to the Doctor “-original plan.”

The Doctor winced. “It’s also not good in the sense that there is a slight complication which neither of us is entirely certain how to rectify and which could cause disruptions in the general scheme of things.”

Donna snorted. “Oh, that explains everything. Glad you cleared that up.” Seeing that they didn’t seem to have picked up on her sarcasm, Donna rolled her eyes. “ _What_ complications, Martian boy?”

“Weeellll, it’s rather convoluted….” he began musingly. Seeing that Donna was about to explode, however, the Doctor hurried on. “But in essence, he’s not human. And he’s not Time Lord. He’s an odd sort of fusion of the two and the bottom line is, he’s ultimately in danger.”

The redhead’s eyes narrowed. “Explain.”

Casting a glance at the Metacrisis, the Doctor took a deep breath and tried to explain. “Well, for starters, his biology is human in that he only has one heart, one vascular system, and so on. He also _technically_ has human DNA rather than Time Lord genetic material. But, his DNA coding is _very_ unusual. For example, cellular degeneration is very slow- almost non-existent at the moment. Here, take alook.”

Donna marched up the screen and peered at it. A moment later she looked up, turned wordlessly turned to the Time Lord Doctor and slapped him upside the head.

“Oi!” He squawked indignantly. “What was that for?”

“After all your rubbish talk about lifespans, you would’ve left him trapped there for three or four hundred years, long after Rose died, you hypocritical pip squeak! No TARDIS, no Rose _and_ wrong universe. The more I hear about this plan, the more I want to smack you! Thank God Blondie set you straight!”

The Doctor rubbed his neck sheepishly. “Er…about Rose…she wouldn’t exactly have had a normal human lifespan, either….”

Donna’s eyes grew wide and before he knew it, she’d slapped him again.

“OI! D’you _mind_?”

“Mind? MIND?” she shrieked. “She’s going to live for a hell of a lot longer than four hundred years! The Vortex changed her, didn’t it?” At his wary nod, her eyes flared. “She’s got a lifespan comparable to yours and you were going to leave her there to watch them _all_ die while you were alive and wondering around the universe the whole time? All because you’re a stupid, spineless skinny streak of nothing! And you’re asking me if I MIND?”

“I _know_!” he shouted back, tired of the guilt he’d been dragging around since his almost mistake. “I know! It was stupid and arrogant and wrong and _I_ would have been miserable and _he_ would have been miserable and _Rose_ would have been miserable and we all would have been _miserable_!”

Donna blinked in surprise, not expecting him to admit that he’d been in the wrong. He couldn’t blame her. It wasn’t a common occurrence.

“I know,” he said more softly. “It was presumptuous and arrogant and daft, and thank God Rose refused to go along with it.”

“You’ve talked her then? You’ve apologised?” Donna sounded suspicious.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I…she forgave me.” He smiled, slipping his hands into his pockets. “She even agreed to stay, though it’s more than I deserve.”

Donna calmed slightly. “So she knows, then? She knows about-” she waved her hand to encompass the three of them “- all this?”

“She knows about changes to her genetic structure,” he said quietly. “We talked about everything. She knows the risks you both face, but I won’t tell her anything we’ve learned here unless you ask me to.”

The room was silent for a moment before the Metacrisis spoke. “You can tell her,” he said quietly. “About me. I need her to know.”

The Doctor nodded, understanding the other man’s need for closure on a future that they now knew could never have been.

“After you’ve finished looking at him, you’re going to poke around in my head, yeah?” Donna folded her arms across her chest.

The Doctor swallowed. “Yes. If…if you’ll let me- _us_. If you’ll let us. I reckon it’ll take the both of us to sort things out. I can’t stabilise the mindscape and remove the traces of my own mind at the same time and that’s our best bet for....for a favourable outcome.”

“Right. Then I want Rose here.”

“What? What for?” He blinked in surprise. He noticed that the Metacrisis didn’t seem to be puzzled at all.

Donna exhaled, looking at him sadly. “Because she _stops_ you, Doctor. Because she makes you think.”

The Doctor flinched, knowing he deserved that. Donna obviously knew what was coming, what might happen, what he might do, and she wanted to make sure that he didn’t go against her wishes.

“I understand,” he said quietly. “And if that’s what you want, then I’ll go and wake her up. For what it’s worth though, Rose has already made me promise that I won’t do anything without your permission…no matter what.”

Donna cracked a small grin. “I’m liking that girl more and more. I also want her here because she’s your _family_ , Doctor, and if things go wrong, I don’t want you to be alone. Either of you. You’d just blame yourselves and sulk about like a right pair of stringy idiots.”

It was one of the very few times that the Doctor had seen Donna Noble look vulnerable and he blinked furiously, trying to dispel the sudden fog in his eyes ( _not_ tears; absolutely not). “I understand. Shall I get her now, then?”

“Nah. Let her sleep for a bit longer. Wait til we’ve worked out what’s happening with Handy first. Then you can get her.”

It was a measure of how serious things were that the other man didn’t protest at being called Handy.

Taking a deep breath, the Doctor exhaled. “Right. Well, back to him. His brain still retains all of my memory- and yours,” he added meaningfully.

Donna narrowed her eyes at the blue-suited man. “You’d better not be rifling through my private memories, you alien pervert!”

“And you’d better not be rifling through _mine_ , you human degenerate!” he fired back and then paused. “Well, _his_ memories.”

“ _As_ I was saying,” the Doctor interjected, “his mind has retained everything. The memories, the history, the telepathy, and it seems that his brain is trying to compute sensory input as though he were still…me. Except that the human body isn’t built for that level of sensory awareness.”

The Metacrisis took over the explanation.” So essentially my brain is making my body work three times as hard as it should to glean extra sensory data it can’t detect, store a thousand of years worth of memories and handle telepathy at Time Lord level.”

Donna’s mouth tightened in comprehension. “Your brain is overloading your body. And it’s dangerously more than your body or brain can handle.”

“Exactly,” the Metacrisis said grimly. “And I’ve lost my....I don’t have….” He took a deep breath. “I don’t have any Time Sense. Only, my brain thinks I do, and it’s trying to interpret input that isn’t there. It’s is going mad trying to connect to something I can’t sense anymore. It’s working overtime and even my brain, such as it is, can’t cope with that.”

“What about instinct?" Donna asked.

“Good question,” the Doctor mused. “Time Lord instinct, human instinct, or both? 

Could be very important, especially when it comes to survival instincts. Without actually tossing you off a building, though, there’s no real way to tell. You may have trouble detecting threats to your well-being, if your instincts are....mine.”

The Metacrisis huffed. “Think I’ll skip the leaping off a building bit.”

“What about healing?” Donna wondered. “Can’t really tell with the tests you’ve already done.”

The Metacrisis shrugged. “Only one way to find out.” Seizing a pair of scissors from the table, he slashed his forearm.

“You _idiot_!” Donna screeched. “Are you out of your skinny little mind?”

The Doctor rolled his eyes at his counterpart. “Honestly. Was the drama really necessary?”

“It worked, didn’t it?” The other man held up his arm. It had stopped bleeding, but the cut hadn’t healed. He tilted his head. “Very minor healing, then. Only slight capabilities.”

“Right.” The Doctor nodded, absently running the sonic over the wound to close it up. “DNA is entirely human, just….human with longevity. Which means that genetically, at least, you’re compatible with humans.”

The Metacrisis’ eyes grew wide. “What about my hormones?” He held out his arm, which was suddenly trembling. 

The Doctor wordlessly took a blood sample and put it in the centrifuge. Just as he finished pulling off his rubber gloves, the terminal beeped and the two men crowded over immediately.

“Well?” Donna demanded after a few moments of silence.

The Metacrisis stared at the screen. “Normal. All normal- for a human.” He swallowed. “I didn’t expect that.”

Donna lifted an eyebrow. “That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

The Metacrisis swallowed. “I…yeah, I s’pose it is. I just…I’d never considered that I could…”

The redhead nodded in understanding. “Pythian Curse. I know.”

The blue-suited man nodded, laughing weakly. “I s’pose you do.”

The Doctor cleared his throat, trying to ignore the small voice in his head that whispered that he couldn’t offer that to Rose. Although, come to think of it, the Metacrisis couldn’t have either. Rose’s DNA had changed so much that it was almost impossible she’d have been biologically compatible with humans anymore, reproduction wise.

He suppressed a cringe. Just another way he’d have doomed both Rose and the Metacrisis to misery, if he’d left them there. Still, he _hadn’t_ done it and now they could focus on trying to sort this mess out and enable the other man to find what happiness could be had in his situation. 

“Right,” the Doctor said, forcing his mind back to the matter at hand. “So now we know the full extent of it, we know that your body and your mind can’t cope with this…interspecies clash for a prolonged period.”

The other man nodded. “If I stay as I am for more than a few days, if my mind stays the way it is, I’m going to burn.”

Donna folded her arms decisively. “Right then, options. You could erect barriers, like you did for me.”

The other man nodded slowly. “Well, yeah. But they’d have to be permanent and I don’t know if that’s really possible. The ones I’ve put up for you will only last a month, at most. Their purpose was to buy us time to find a solution.”

The Doctor squinted thoughtfully. “There’s the Chameleon Arch- it’d take it all out and leave you entirely human. But you’d lose your memories of your time as me, and likely Donna. On the other hand, the Arch and the TARDIS could construct an entire history and identity for you.”

The Metacrisis thought for a moment before shaking his head. “No. I…it’s tempting, to just forget it all and start again, but it’s not going to be real, is it? I’d be a pretend person, with a pretend identity living a pretend life. I don’t…I don’t want that. I want to have my own life, a real life, as…as me.”

The Doctor nodded. He could understand that. “And the Arch won’t erase all _traces_ of your previous life, anyway. When I…when I did it, I dreamed about my life as the Doctor all the time. It all bled through and I thought I was going mad. Probably not a good option in the long-term, then. Mental-health wise.”

Donna rolled her eyes at them both and paced the length of the infirmary, thinking. Suddenly, she stopped dead and said, “Regeneration.”

Two identical faces stared back at her, aghast and they spoke over each other.

“I _can’t_ regenerate!”

“He _can’t_ regenerate!”

“What are you suggesting?”

“You’d kill him!”

She rolled her eyes and poked the Time Lord. “No, dumbo, I mean, what do you do when you regenerate and you want to start again? When you don’t want your feelings to move to the next regeneration? Your memories?”

The Doctor suddenly understood what she was talking about. “Oh! You mean…”

“Yes, Space-Breath, I mean mind reformation. Like you did between your fifth and sixth regenerations, or your seventh and eighth.” She turned to the Metacrisis. “You could keep the memories there, dormant- or you can wipe them entirely from your conscious mind, but I don’t think you’ll want to do that.”

Understanding dawned on his face. “And if the memories are dormant, I’m not going to go mad missing large chunks of my life or flailing about with a pretend history. I’ll know they’re there, even if they’re not directly part of my conscious mind anymore.”

The Doctor piped up, also understanding where this was going. “And the feelings associated with them would be...distant, a memory, which means that your conscious mind will be free to create new memories, new feelings and the others will be…history. Remembered vaguely, if sought, but no longer relevant.”

Really, it was a brilliant solution and he said as much to Donna.

“‘Well, obviously.” She looked pleased and titled her head. “That only leaves the extra senses.”

The Doctor waved away her concerns. He was far more confident now that he had a workable plan. “We can easily adjust his brain patterns to pair to human biological functions and senses rather than Gallifreyan. The real problem would have been the memories and sense memory constantly disrupting the reprogramming, but since they’re going to be out of the conscious mind, it shouldn’t interrupt any neural redirections.”

Donna nodded. “Right then. Sounds like the best solution.” She turned to the blue-suited man. “Is that what _you_ want, though? You’d lose a lot of the knowledge you take for granted.”

The Metacrisis took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I…yeah. Yeah, it is.” He grinned weakly. “I’d still be able keep enough to be considered a genius in most places, anyway.”

Donna snorted at what the Doctor presumed she considered vanity. And perhaps it was, just a tiny bit. Not that either man would ever admit that.

The blue-suited man was fidgeting with his jacket. “Really, it’s my only option if I don’t want to wipe my memory entirely. This way, I can still keep my… history, know vaguely where I came from but the two of you won’t be the sum total of my identity.” He turned to the Time Lord, eyes intent. “And yes, I know there’s a risk, but I’m willing to take it. There’s a risk no matter what I choose to do.”

The Doctor nodded jerkily. It was more than a little unnerving having not one but two beings who shared his mind to some extent and knew what he was going to say, more often than not.

“Right then. So what now?”

The Metacrisis smiled sadly. “Now? Now I think it’s time you woke Rose. We need to get Donna sorted first.”

A ridiculous grin that spread across the Doctor’s face without his permission. Seeing Donna’s nod from the corner of his eye, he turned immediately to leave the infirmary. “Right. Back in a jiffy, then.”

Once out of the infirmary, however, he ambled slowly along the corridor, his hands shoved in pockets. He needed to calm his mind a bit. The TARDIS seemed to know he needed a little time to collect himself and extended the corridor slightly. The past few hours had been so surreal that he was almost afraid of what he’d find when he got to Rose’s room. He’d dreamed of her return so many times, only to wake and find she wasn’t there. Now he was almost afraid that the past few hours were just another dream and he’d find her room cold and empty again. To say nothing of what was happening with Donna and the Metacrisis.

Feeling the TARDIS chiding him softly in his mind, he shook himself out of it and grinned sheepishly. “Sorry, old girl. Old habits.”

The TARDIS responded with a comforting thrum in his mind and cracked open Rose’s door slightly as he approached.

Steeling himself, he peeked inside, hearts pounding- and saw her, curled under the covers. His hearts began to race and a wide grin spread across his face.

She was here. She was really, _really_ here.

Without thinking he entered the room and stopped beside the bed. Unable to help himself, he bent and brushed the hair out of her face.

She was _here_. 

“Rose,” he said softly, trailing his fingers across her cheek. “Rose, love, wake up.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rose slowly drifted into wakefulness as she felt something trail across her cheek.

“Rose, love, wake up.”

It was _his_ voice, the Doctor’s voice. She was still dreaming, then. She didn’t want to wake up because then he’d be gone, like every other time, every other dream. She kept her eyes firmly closed, wanting to hold onto the pretence a little bit longer.

“Rose,” she heard again, before something soft and familiar pressed briefly against her lips. 

Her eyes flew open. 

The Doctor was there, bending over her, a small smile on his lips, and the events of the past day came rushing back to her.

He was there. He was _really_ there.

“Hello,” he said softly.

“Hello.” She smiled shyly.

He dropped another soft kiss on her lips and she blinked. 

“You’re here,” she breathed. “You’re really here.”

He didn’t ask what she meant but dropped another kiss on her lips. “Yeah. So are you.”

“Yeah,’ she said quietly before being overtaken by a yawn. “What time is it, anyway? Doesn’t feel like I slept for long.”

“You haven’t. It’s been just over an hour.”

She pushed the covers back, immediately awake. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

He smiled and pulled her into his arms as soon as she got out of bed, tucking her head under his chin. “Nothing.”

She frowned into his shoulder, even as she inhaled his scent and shuddered. She’d missed him so much and for so very long. A few moments later, she braced herself and pulled back slightly.

“Then what-”

“It’s Donna,” he cut her off, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “You know what I said about trying to fix her mind?”

She nodded.

“She wants you there when we do.” He smiled somewhat sadly. “Seems having my mind in hers has shown her I can’t be trusted to do as she asks.”

Rose fixed him with a look. She understood Donna’s fear because this Doctor seemed to have no problem making people’s choices for them.“Then _show_ her, Doctor. Show her she can trust you, that you can keep your word. Show her you respect her enough to let her decide what to do.”

“Yeah,” he said quietly, giving her a crooked smile. “What would I do without you, Rose Tyler?”

She grinned cheekily. “Probably bungle it all up. And piss everyone off.”

“Probably.” He snorted. “Right, shall we go?”

He still hadn’t let go of her.

“Doctor?”

“Mmm?”

A muffled laugh escaped before she could stop it. “Reckon you can let go? I want to change out of my jimjams first, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh. Oh! Right, yes, sorry.” He let go, blushing.

Rose chortled before disappearing into her closet. Five minutes later, she emerged dressed in fitted blue jeans and a white t-shirt. She knew that those jeans hadn’t been amongst her old clothes and patted the TARDIS wall in thanks as she left the closet.

The shipped hummed at them as they strolled hand in hand to the infirmary and the Doctor filled her in on what had happened in the infirmary. Despite the somewhat somber subject, Rose smiled, beyond happy to have the ship’s comforting presence back in her mind. 

She was so happy to be home.

She was broken from her thoughts when the Doctor gently tugged her into in the infirmary, where Donna and the Metacrisis awaited them. It was still a bit of a shock  to see the blue-suited man who looked exactly like the Doctor but wasn’t. He gave her a pained smile that hurt her to see. Donna, on the other hand...

“Sorry to wake you, Blondie.” To Rose’s surprise, Donna looked a little nervous. 

“S’fine. The Doctor told me why you want me here and I understand.”

The redhead looked relieved. “Good. I- can I talk to you for a minute?”

Rose nodded, having a good idea what the other woman wanted to talk about.

“Ta. Oi, Space Brains, get out. Both of you.”

The two men were identical pictures of outrage and Rose had to stifle a laugh.

“What for?” the Metacrisis demanded, a split second ahead of the Time Lord’s indignant, “Why?”

Donna rolled her eyes. “Because I want to talk to Blondie alone. So make like a tree and shove off!”

Rose bit her lip to keep the laughter in.

The two men marched to the door, scowling at the redhead as they went. “We’ll be right outside.”

With one last glance at the two of them, the door closed behind them.

Rose burst out laughing. “You don’t let him get away with anything, do you?”

Donna grinned saucily. “No chance, Blondie. His ego is big enough for two planets, and it’s my sad duty to keep him humble. It’s practically a public service.”

“Sounds like you’re good at it,” Rose chortled.

“Yeah, but I reckon that’ll be your job now,” Donna said, her smile fading.

“And _yours_ ,” Rose said seriously. “I’m not here to replace you Donna. You don’t have to leave, just because I’m here. This is still your home.”

Donna shrugged. “I don’t want to be in the way. I thought, after the Terrible Twosome fixed my brain, you might want me to go.”

“ _No_ ,” Rose said emphatically. “Not unless you want to go. Do you?”

“No,” the redhead sighed. “Course not. How could I? Being with the Doctor, seeing the universe…it’s a dream. It's the first time I’ve ever done anything that mattered. It’s the first time _I’ve_ ever mattered,”

Rose knew exactly how that felt. “I know what you mean.”

The other woman gave her an incredulous look. “And you’d really be fine with me here, in the way? A complete stranger, just after you’ve found each other again?”

“You’re not in the way,” Rose told her. “Donna, you were there for him, you and Martha. You took care of him when I couldn’t, you stopped him when he needed to be stopped. You kept him sane. I…. he’s in your head, yeah? You knowwhat he’s running from.” She choked a laugh. “I was so afraid for him after…after Canary Wharf. I was scared that he’d push everyone away so much that he’d lose his mind, lose his sense of right and wrong. But he didn’t- because of you.I owe you, and he owes you for that.And more important,” and here Rose narrowed her gaze at Donna. “He loves you. It hurt him to think he might lose you. He doesn’t want you to go and neither do I.”

Donna stared at her. “Really?”

“Really,” Rose told her, meaning every word. “You belong on this ship just as much as I do, Donna Noble.”

The smile that spread across the other woman’s face was heart-warming. Clearly, she’d really thought that she’d have to leave. “You’re alright, Blondie. Dunno how you put up with the Twiggy Twit, though.”

Rose grinned. “He has his moments.”

“Yeah. Still a skinny streak of nothing though. How d’you hug him? Honestly, there’s nothing on him! Now his _last_ body....mmmmm, that was definitely a keeper!”

Rose laughed. “Oh, I dunno, I reckon he’s pretty fit in this body, but I agree, his last one ...” She shuddered, remembering her leather Doctor. “Wasn’t a bit pretty, that one, but God he was sexy.” 

“He loved you in that form too, you know.”

She smiled, a little wistfully. “I do know. An’ I loved him. Still do. This form, his old one...he’s...it’s my Doctor all the same.”

“And he’s...he told you-”

“Yeah, he finally said it, the git,” she blushed, still unable to believe it.

Donna beamed. “Good. Bloody git’s been moping about like a Victorian maiden.” She suddenly snorted. “Bet he’s terrified of what I’ll say to you while I know all his secrets.”

An image of the Doctor with his ear pressed to the door made her giggle. “Bet you they’re trying to get back in.”

Donna sobered at that. “Yeah, and there’s something I want to talk to you about before they come back.” She took a deep breath. “He’s probably already told you but basically, the Doctor’s mind is inside mine. They’ve put up temporary barriers to keep from burning my brain, but they can’t last long. They need to do something to get it out before it destroys my mind. A human mind can’t contain a Time Lord’s.”

Rose nodded. “He said they could both go in and try and remove it and stabilise your mind, but that it might not work and your mind could melt.”

“Right. Only...only if that happens, he’d have to erase my entire memory of him and the TARDIS to save me.” Donna looked at Rose, deadly serious. “Don’t let him, Rose. Please, I’m begging you, _don’t_ let him. If they can’t fix my brain, if it all starts to go wrong, then don’t you let them take my memories.” Her eyes glistened with tears. “I can’t…I can’t go back to that life, I can’t go back to doing nothing and _being_ nothing. Not after I’ve seen all this! I saw the fall of Pompeii, helped save the world.... Please. Don’t let him take that from me, I’m begging you Rose. Don’t let them. I’d rather die.”

Rose took Donna’s hand. “Donna, you have the Doctor’s memories, right?”

The redhead nodded, eyes glistening with tears.

“Then you know that I was just a shopgirl from the Estate, never even finished school. One day, I fell in with a lunatic in a blue box and suddenly my life had a point. I was fightin’ for right, seeing the universe… When he sent me away from the Gamestation, I was going out of my mind. I thought I’d go mad because after everything, I couldn’t go back to that old life. This life….it’s a better way of living, yeah?” At Donna’s nod, she continued. “And I loved him too much to let him die without me, so I went back, because it was better than livin’ without him. And after… we got separated, I lived the best I could and I fought to get back to him, because this is the _only_ life I want. So believe me, I understand more than you think. I promise you that I won’t let him take it all away from you- and so does he. They’ll do their best to fix it, but if it all goes wrong, we’ll respect your choice.”

Donna closed her eyes. “Thank you. I can’t- I couldn’t go back to that. I had…before, when I was asleep, I had a nightmare- I saw him come towards me knowing he was going to take it all away while I begged him not to. I think it was the timeline that could have been.”

“He _won’t_.” Rose squeezed her hand. “Whatever could have been, it won’t be now. And just you remember this, Donna Noble- you’re the most important woman in the universe. You saved _everything_. You did what even he couldn’t and don’t you let anyone tell you different.”

The redhead sniffed, wiping at her eyes. “Better get those two bird brains back in here. They’re probably listening at the door.”

“Nah.” Rose handed her a tissue from the box on the table. “The TARDIS took it away. She’s too clever for him, aren’t you girl?”

The lights flickered and the ship hummed smugly.

Donna laughed, mopping at her eyes. “Right, let’s get them back in here.”

The door reappeared and was immediately wrenched open as the two identical men stumbled in.

“Alright?” The Doctor looked first to Rose, then Donna.

“Alright,” they both chorused, hiding amused smiles at the identical expressions of curiosity.

The Doctor looked between the two of them somewhat suspiciously. Seeing that neither she nor Donna were volunteering anything else, he sighed and shrugged.

“Said what you needed to, then?”

“Yeah. Ready to go when you are, Alien Breath.”

And suddenly, just like that, it was time.

Rose saw the Doctor swallow nervously. “Are you sure you want to do this now? Those barriers will hold up for a while yet. You have time.”

Donna shook her head. “I can’t spend the next month driving myself bonkers worrying about it. Just do it, Space Man.”

Swallowing rapidly, the Doctor nodded. “Right, well, you’d…you’d probably better lie down, then.”

“Right.” Donna took a deep breath and turned to Rose. “You’ll be here?”

“The whole time,” Rose promised, hoping with everything she had that it would go well. She squeezed the other woman’s hand reassuringly and stepped back.

The Metacrisis stepped forward and seized the redheaded woman in a fierce hug, murmuring softly in her ear. Rose couldn’t hear what he’d said (although the Doctor might have) but it had made the other woman cling to him. Moments later, she pulled back and slowly approached the Doctor.

The Doctor fidgeted for a moment, not looking at Donna before she finally huffed and pulled him into a hug. “Come on then,” the Doctor said finally, pulling away and blinking rapidly. “Into bed with you.”

She snorted. “In your dreams, sunshine.”

Rolling his eyes, the Doctor nudged Donna until she climbed onto the cot. He sat gently on the edge of the bed and moved his slightly trembling fingers to her temples. His mouth worked several times, as though he were going to say something, but no sound emerged. 

Rose understood. He was about to start something that could cost him the life of one of the people he loved most in the world and he was terrified. Rather than admitting it, in typical Doctor fashion, he was downplaying it.

“You’re brilliant, Donna Noble,” he finally, said his eyes trying to convey what he couldn’t. “ _Brilliant_.”

The redhead smiled saucily, eyes glistening with tears. “You know it, Alien Boy.”

Rose smiled. Evidently, message understood.

Taking a deep breath, The Doctor pressed a reverent kiss to Donna’s forehead and whispered, “Sleep.”

And Donna slept.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Doctor looked at his counterpart, who swallowed nervously.

“Are you ready?”

The Metacrisis nodded. “Yeah.”

The Doctor looked at him in concern. “Are you sure you can manage-“

“ _Yes_ ,” the other man snapped. “I can stabilise her mindscape while you do the work. I should be able to manage that much without overloading myself,” he added bitterly.

The Doctor still looked somewhat suspicious. “Are you sure? This is Donna we’re talking about. I don’t want to take any risks- with either of you.”

The Metacrisis scowled. “And you think I do? Donna is…she’s…” he trailed off, scowl fading. “She’s the first one I saw when I opened my eyes,” he said quietly. “She’s my family, too.”

The Doctor understood what the other man didn’t say. “I know.” Casting his eyes at Rose, he smiled. _She_ was the first one _he’d_ seen with these eyes, after his regeneration, and he hoped that she’d be the one he’d see for the rest of his lives. Her smiled eased his anxiety slightly. 

“Right then,” he said finally, turning back to the Metacrisis. “Ready to go?”

The other man smiled, carefully placed his fingers alongside the Doctor’s. “ _Allons-y_!”

“ _Allons-y_ ,” he murmured. 

Closing his eyes, he sought Donna’s mind. Carefully feeling his way past the unconscious barriers most humans erected, he pushed into her mind and to his surprise, found himself in an enormous lobby with polished marble floors, leather furniture in the waiting area and a coffee table with both tea and coffee waiting on a silver service. 

“Would you look at that!” He marvelled, his mental projection slipping his hands in his pockets out of habit. “So where do we need to go?”

“Archive room,” the Metacrisis said from behind him.

The Doctor rolled his eyes and pointed to the numerous hallways and doors spanning from the lobby. “Which would be _where_? You’re the one who’s been here before and we don’t have time to be poking about. So where do we go?”

The Metacrisis scoffed. “Ask the receptionist, of course.”

The Doctor rolled his eyes again and stalked to the gleaming reception desk in the middle of the room, trainers squeaking on the marble floor.

“Can I help you?” A familiar voice asked. 

“Miss Evangelista!” he stuttered, amazed to see the young woman who’d been lost in the Library. Even knowing that that it was only a projection in Donna’s mind, it was still quite a shock. 

“Sirs? How may I help you?”

The Metacrisis smirked at the Doctor’s surprise. “I believe we’re expected.”

“Ah yes, of course, you’re on the list- Space Breath and Martian Man.”

The two men squawked their displeasure simultaneously. “Oi!”

The receptionist didn’t turn a hair. “This way, please.” Smoothing her grey suit as she stood, she beckoned them down a long corridor. At the very end of the corridor, she opened large wooden doors bearing, of all things, the seal of the Gallifreyan secret archives.

The Doctor cocked an eyebrow at his counter-part, noticing that Miss Evangelista had vanished. “Well, that simplifies things a bit.”

That was an understatement. The more organised a mind was, the easier it was to find what they wanted- and the easier it would be to perform the mental excision.

“That it does,” the other man agreed, slipping his hands into his trouser pockets. 

“Shall we?”

“After you.”

The archives room was a cavernous with a high, vaulted ceiling and the walls were covered with shelves holding a myriad of lever arch files. Some of those, he knew, were Donna’s thoughts and memories, and others were his own. His mind had obviously started to bleed into hers before the barriers had gone up.

On the far right there was a door which appeared to be deadlocked. The Doctor knew it would be sealed specifically to the Metacrisis because he had erected the barriers and their mental signatures were unique.

The blue-suited man took a deep breath. “Right. So, are you ready?”

The Doctor nodded grimly. “Yeah.” He narrowed his eyes at the other man. “If you start to lose control, you need to tell me.”

“I know _, Space Breath_.” The other man rolled his eyes. “Can we get a move on?”

The Doctor grumbled under his breath. The Donna was strong with this one, it seemed. Ooooh, that was a good one- he’d have to use it later.

_Focus,_ he chided himself.

Shaking himself back into the present, he gestured towards the door.

The Metacrisis touched a finger to the middle of the door, very, very carefully and willed it to open. Drawing a shaky deep breath, he turned to face the centre of the room, his brow fixed in concentration. Moments later, everything in the archive room seemed to be frozen into place.

“Mindscape is protected,” the blue suited man said tightly, his expression strained. “Go.”

Inhaling deeply, the Doctor closed his eyes (ridiculous, really, when one considered he was a projection of his own mind) and calmed himself, as he had been taught at the Academy so very many years ago. He tuned out everything but what he had to do. When he was ready, he opened his eyes and walked through the door.

He could see a translucent barrier, glistening as a torrent of colour and energy tried to push through. It was like seeing the sea held back by rock, he thought grimly. Eventually the sea would wear it away enough to break through. There were already tiny cracks in the shimmering barrier as the sheer immensity of his mind tried to sweep into Donna’s.

Thank God the Metacrisis had put in the barriers when he did or Donna’s mind would have been shredded in minutes- and it would have been his fault. Catching himself, he tried to ignore that thought. This was no time for guilt- he needed to focus. He pushed his emotions to the back of his mind calmed himself, focusing on the barrier in front of him.

It wouldn’t be easy, he knew. It was risky and he might not be able to stop his consciousness from bleeding into Donna’s mind. But it was the only chance they had and he’d promised.

_Calm and steady_ , he told himself. _Calm and steady._

Gathering his strength, he lashed out at the barrier and shattered it. Immediately, the sea behind it raged towards him and he pushed with all his might to keep it back, deliberately tuning out the stray thoughts and memories that jumped out at him.

_Back!_ He thought fiercely, straining against the sea of colour. _Get back!_

Using a mental strength greater than he had channeled in almost six hundred years, he heaved and pushed at the sea until it moved back. Slowly, surely, he forced it further and further back from the doorway. _Just a little more,_ he groaned to himself. He just had to gain a little more control over it....just a little.... and then, with final, massive blast of strength, he erased his entire consciousness from Donna’s mind.

He could feel his physical body in the infirmary shaking and panting with exertion, wanting to fall over.He shuddered. If _he_ was this tired, he could only imagine what this was doing to the body of the Metacrisis. They needed to get out of here as soon as they’d made sure no damage had been done to Donna’s mind.

He turned and hurried back to the archive room, thankfully finding it intact.

However, the Metacrisis was shaking with the effort of stabilising the mindscape, the files on the shelves rattling slightly in the wake of the force of the Doctor’s mind. The Doctor absently noted that there were fewer files, this time. Apparently, the mind excision had worked.

“It’s done,” the Doctor rasped to the other man. “You can let go now.”

The Metacrisis released his hold on the room with a groan of relief. He was flickering in and out of sight and the Doctor knew his strength was waning.

“You need to get out,” he said shortly, pushing back his own exhaustion. “Go back and eat some of the Trilletian chocolate.”

“What about you?” the other man groaned, flickering.

“I’ll be right behind you. I need to check for damage. Now go!” He barked.

The other man nodded once then flickered out of sight and the Doctor sighed with relief. Dragging himself to the side of the room, he focused his mind and searched any foreign presence still lingering.

Nothing.

_So far, so good,_ he thought to himself.

Focusing very carefully, he scanned Donna’s mind for any damage or disruption. One file shook on its shelf and he dashed over immediately. Leafing through it, he found that it was Donna’s memory of what happened on the Crucible, immediately after the generation of the Metacrisis. It was a bit spotty and she might have some trouble recalling it entirely for some time. Putting the file back on the shelf, he cast about for any other damage. Finding only the usual signs of shock and trauma, he sighed with relief. Time and sleep would sort that out. The human brain was a brilliant thing.

_Time to go_ , he thought with great relief. He closed his eyes and sent his mind out of Donna’s.

Moments later, he opened his eyes in the infirmary and found himself on the side of the bed where he’d started, but now there was a warm, soft body behind him. A warm, soft _Rose_ -shaped body, to be exact. She was pressed against his back, holding him up and was pressing his fingers to Donna’s temple with one hand, having just released the Metacrisis’ (whom he now presumed was in the galley) with the other.

“You nearly fell over,” she said softly, her breath tickling his neck. “I could see you were exhausted and I was scared it would ruin everything if you fell and it jolted you out of the trance. Did it work?”

He sighed and slumped back into her, grabbing her hand as her fingers dropped from his. “Brilliant, you are. Yes, all done. Bit of shock but no real damage- brilliant bit of work on my - _our-_ part. She’s fine.”

Rose sighed with relief. “Thank God.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to wake her up and tell her?”

“Weeeellll.” He scratched at his hair. “She needs to rest, but it might be an idea to wake her up and get some food into her and get her back to her room first.”

Rose leaned her head on his shoulder. “Go on, then.”

Unable to resist, he turned his head and stole a kiss, revelling in the fact that she was _here_ , bearing his burdens with him, helping him, literally holding him up when he couldn’t stay upright on his own.

It really struck him, then, that he wasn’t alone any longer. With Rose, he was never alone. He kissed her again, savouring the texture and taste of her lips, and glorying in the presence of the one person who’d pulled him back from the darkness time and time again.

Pulling back, he smiled at her. “Rose Tyler” he said softly.

She smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before slowly extricating herself from him. “Time to wake up Donna,” she said in answer to his protesting groan.

He sighed dramatically. “Right you are, Rose Tyler.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “More of _that_ later. I’ll have you know I’m a superior kisser. There are six thousand, four hundred and twelve nerves in my lips and-”he smacked his lips together -”I know how to use them all.”

She rolled her eyes and smiled affectionately. “Daft Time Lord.”

“But I’m _your_ daft Time Lord,” he told her seriously. “Every bit of me Rose Tyler. Every nerve, every muscle, every heartbeat- it’s all yours.”

Her eyes filled with tears and she blinked quickly. “Smooth talker.”

“It’s true,” he told her, meaning each word with every fibre of his being. “Never meant anything more. I’m yours, just like you’re mine. You are mine, aren’t you?” He asked, suddenly needing to hear it.

“Of course I am, you daft git,” she laughed, wiping at her eyes. “I was yours before you ever knew me.”

The Doctor beamed. Only to a Time Lord could a statement like that make any sense at all. “My Rose.”

“My Doctor,” she smiled back, before fixing him with a look. “Now come on, Doctor. Wake her up and tell her. Then you need to have a nap before you get to work on _him-_ the human one, I mean.” She frowned. “He needs a name. Can’t just keep calling him ‘him’ or ‘the human one.’”

“I’ve already chosen one,” came a voice from the doorway. Rose looked up to see the blue-suited metacrisis lounging against the doorframe, licking the remains of what looked like chocolate from his fingers.

The Doctor blinked. “You have?”

“Obviously.” The other man rolled his eyes. “Out to be my own man and all that- need a name, don’t I?”

Rose intervened before the Doctor could open his mouth to respond. “What did you choose?”

The other man grinned. “It’s a surprise. I’ll do the grand reveal once Donna’s awake.”

The Doctor sniffed. The other man was _such_ a drama queen. “Far be it from me to disrupt your little show, then. Don’t mind me, just about to wake Donna, but you go on!”

The Metacrisis shrugged insolently. “I’m not stopping you.”

The Doctor was about to snap back when Rose interrupted.

“Oi!” she snapped. “That’s enough, you two. Blimey, it’s like having two Tonys! I don’t want to hear it!” She added, seeing them both about to protest. “Now get on with it and wake Donna.”

“Yes, Rose,” the Doctor muttered. 

“Sorry Rose,” the Metacrisis muttered, and then added more quietly, “Blimey, she’s almost as scary as Jackie.”

Rose glared, making him cringe. “Sorry, Rose.’

The Doctor stifled a chortle (he didn’t want that glare turned on _him,_ after all) and placed his fingers at Donna’s temples, carefully waking her.

She immediately drifted into consciousness and moments later her eyes fluttered open.

“Hello!” He beamed, unable to hide just how relieved he was to still have her with him. She was, he admitted to himself, so much more than a companion. She’d become family to him and it would have killed something in him to lose her.

“Oh, Lord, my _head_ ,” she groaned, rubbing at her forehead. “Your smile’s too loud, Space Man. Stop it.” She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them suddenly. “Will I....am I alright? Is my head alright?”

“Oh, I dunno about _alright_ ,” he smirked. He stood up and rocked back on his heels, hands in pockets. “You’ve never really been right in the head, Donna Noble.”

Donna’s loud “Oi!” was almost drowned out by Rose’s admonishing, “Doctor!”

He basked in the moment for just a bit, almost dazed with relief that the two voices he’d never thought to hear again, the two voices of the two people in the world who meant the most to him, were still there to tell him off. For what seemed to be the millionth time that day (but was, in fact, only the fifty-third), he blessed Rose’s stubbornness and offered thanks to any deity listening that she’d refused to go along with his plan. Thanks to her, not only was _she_ still on board, but so was the Metacrisis, who in turn had helped him fix Donna’s mind. If it hadn’t been for Rose, he’d have lost them both. To say nothing of what would have happened to the Metacrisis himself...

“Oi, Space Breath, are you going to answer me or just stand there grinning like an idiot? Is it out of my head or not?”

The Doctor grinned, coming back to himself. “All gone, Donna. Done, dusted and polished by yours truly- and Handy, of course.”

“Oi! Stop calling me Handy!” The Metacrisis scowled. “I have a _name_ , you know.”

“Hang on,” Donna interrupted, slowly sitting up and grimacing. “So you’re telling me I’m fine? I’m back to normal?”

“Yep!” He bounced on his toes. “Your brain is in one hundred percent tip-top shape,Donna Noble. You just need some food and some solid rest. Twelve or so hours ought to do it.”

She closed her eyes in relief. “Thank you. You too, Skinny” she added to the Metacrisis. “ She was silent for a moment. Suddenly, she sighed and opened her eyes, looking a bit wistful. “I’ll miss knowing all that space stuff, though. Was nice to be special for a bit.”

“You’re more than special, Donna Noble,” he told her. “You’re absolutely _brilliant_ and you saved the world.”

She smiled then. “I did, didn’t I?” Sitting up straight, she shifted slightly and turned to face the Metacrisis. “What’s this about a name, then?”

The man in blue preened. “I’ve finally chosen myself a name.”

Donna raised an impatient eyebrow, and the Doctor scarcely resisted doing the same.”And? What is it? Haven’t got all day, sunshine.”

“Actually, Donna, time is relative on the TARDIS, there’s no day or night....” the Doctor trailed off under her withering glare. Blimey, but she was as scary as Jackie Tyler. Did they take lessons in scariness or was it innate?

“Well?” Rose asked, fidgeting with the hem of her top in a very distracting fashion. But then, he admitted to himself, _everything_ she did was distracting. “What’s your name?”

The Metacrisis puffed out his chest and with great dignity said, “Alonso.”

The Doctor’s jaw fell open. “No! Absolutely not!” 

It was unthinkable! Although, judging from the reactions of his companions, they didn’t seem to be taking the matter as seriously as they should. Rose was biting her lip and looked as though she were trying not to laugh and Donna was openly chuckling. Why weren’t they as outraged as he was? This was a travesty!

“You can’t have that name!” he told the other man heatedly. “That’s _mine_.”

“But you don’t use a name,” the Metacrisis (NOT Alonso) pointed out. “You’re the Doctor.”

“That is entirely beside the point!” The Doctor’s lip quivered in outrage. “You can’t have it! Pick something else.”

“No. It’s my name and I want to be Alonso.” The Metacrisis folded his arms stubbornly.

“Why don’t you choose something that’s not taken? Like Geoffrey. Geoffrey’s a good, solid name. And it’s not Alonso.”

“No. Besides, you do realise the statistical improbability of that midshipman being the only Alonso in the world? There are probably thousands of them- millions, even. What’s one more?”

Opening his mouth to argue, he was cut off by Rose before he could get a word out.

“Doctor, you’re missing the most important thing,’ she told him, lips twitching. 

“What?” He asked, baffled. “He wants it, it’s mine and I don’t want him to have it. What’d I miss?”

Rose grinned. “What’ve you always wanted to say to someone?”

The Doctor’s brow furrowed for a moment before his eyes grew wide. “Oh. _Oh_!” He bounced happily. “Right, Alonso it is.”

The Metacrisis chortled. “Go on then, say it. I know you’re dying to!”

Rose sounded as though she was choking and Donna was openly mystified. “What are you on about, String Bean?”

Puffing out his chest, he turned to the Metacrisis. He was going to _love_ this.

“ _Allons-y_ , Alonso!”

Both Rose and Donna burst out laughing. 

The Doctor could only feel smug in his superiority over the other man. “And even though his name is Alonso, he’ll never be able to say that to himself without sounding like an utter git. And I can say it as much as I like. _Allons-y_ , Alonso! _Allons-y_ , Alonso! _Andale, Alonso!_ No, wait- never saying that one again. But _Allons-y_ , Alonso! This is brilliant!”

Donna howled.

The Doctor grinned smugly to himself as he sidled up to a giggling Rose and slipped his arm about her waist.

Life was suddenly looking very, very good. 

_Molto bene_ , he crowed to himself. _Molto bene._


	7. But How?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and the Doctor talk, Rose tells him more about her travels, and the Doctor finally learns just how Rose remembered Bad Wolf and what happened on the Gamestation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! Here we have the next chapter of this fic. Apologies for the delay but RL was busy and the muse stubborn when it came to this fic. Honestly, I'm still not very happy with this chapter. I had originally planned to include the mind-healing of Alonso (tee-hee!) in here as well, and I have (mostly) written it, but the chapter got so ridiculously long that I've split it in two. I'm hoping to finish off the next chapter (which is also quite long) and post within the next day or two. I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always, if you have any comments or queries, please feel free drop me a line at http://countessselena.tumblr.com/.
> 
> Also, I'm doing a Milestone FREE FIC GIVEAWAY! If you're interested, instructions are on this post. http://countessselena.tumblr.com/post/158133360842/milestone-mini-fic-giveaway.
> 
> And now, on with the show!

Rose drifted into wakefulness feeling warm, content and oddly stiff in the neck. She winced and shifted, wondering why she’d been lying at such an odd angle… only to find a mop of hair in her face.

 _Oh_ , she remembered and sighed contentedly, thinking of the night before.

_After thoroughly checking Donna’s vital signs, the Doctor had insisted that they all needed a good meal and a full night’s sleep. And so, after a delicious roast dinner (courtesy of the TARDIS) they’d all decided to retire for the night before tackling the Metacrisis’- that is, **Alonso’s** (that still made her giggle)- mind the next day._

_Rose staggered back to her room, her stomach far fuller it had been for a long time. She’d barely managed to undress and slip into bed when there’d been a knock at her door._

_Unable to help herself, she groaned in protest. “Come in,” she grumbled._

_The door swung open to reveal a nervous, fidgeting Time Lord, looking oddly vulnerable in a pair of blue striped pyjamas. “I was hoping that maybe you might- I mean, you wouldn’t mind if I…”_

_Rose yawned. “Did you want to sleep in here tonight, Doctor?”_

_He looked relieved. “It’s not tonight, strictly speaking- no time on the TARDIS,” was all he said._

_Rose rolled her eyes. “ ’s that a yes?”_

_He blushed. “Yes.”_

_Shaking her head, she slid over a bit and pushed back the covers. “Come on, then.”_

_He scrambled immediately into bed and snuggled under the covers. A moment later, he tentatively pulled her into his arms and tucked her head under his chin._

_“This alright?” he asked quietly._

_“Yeah,” she breathed into his neck, fighting to keep her eyes open. There was so much she still wanted to say to him._

_“Go to sleep, love,” he whispered. “You need the rest.”_

_“Don’t want to just yet,” she yawned, trying to fight off the drowsiness. “Want to talk to you for a bit more.”_

_He chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Sleep, Rose Tyler. We have all the time in the world, now.”_

_She’d fallen asleep almost immediately._

Coming back to the present, she sighed contentedly and wriggled into a slightly more comfortable position, which also afforded her a prime view of her sleeping bed-mate.

He looked younger in sleep, she noticed. His face was peaceful and he no longer looked as though he were carrying the weight of the universe on his shoulders.

She had no idea how long she spent looking at him, drinking him in, trying to make up for those lost years of separation, before he started to stir.

As his eyes blinked open, a sleepy smile spread across his face.

“ ’Lo,” he mumbled, tugging her closer.

“Hi.” She grinned.

He tried to pull her in for a quick kiss, but she pulled away.

“What….Rose?” He looked hurt.

“Haven’t brushed my teeth yet, Doctor. Morning breath,” she blushed, hoping to wipe that hurt look from his face.

It didn’t seem to work as he rolled his eyes and huffed. “Fine. Go and brush your teeth then,” he grumbled, burrowing into the covers.

Rose stifled a grin at his disgruntled look.

“It’s not funny Rose! There you are all warm and snuggly and lovely and in my arms and I want to kiss you and _you won’t let me_! Because of a paltry, puny little thing like _morning_ breath.”

It was Rose’s turn to roll her eyes. “Believe me, Doctor, if I kissed you with morning breath, _you’d_ be the one pulling away.”

“Would not!” he said petulantly. “I’d kiss you if you even if were covered in Elugian slime- or even if you’d been eating _pears_!”

She tried to stifle her giggle at this act of supreme sacrifice.

“Anyway,” he sulked. “Why bother getting up and going all the way to the bathroom when I’ve got the sonic right here?”

She blinked. “It has a tooth cleaning setting?”

He looked offended. “Course it does! What kind of a barbarian d’you take me for?”

“I didn’t know,” she protested. “You’ve never used it on me like some of the other settings.”

“It’s a standard setting,” he said, looking slightly mollified. “So, can I?”

She sighed. “Go on, then.”

He beamed. “Brilliant!” With that, he grabbed the sonic from the night table and fiddled with it for a moment. “Right, open your mouth.”

Internally flinching at the taste in her mouth, she did just that as he carefully swept the blue beam around her open mouth, causing her to feel a light tickling sensation as it passed.

“Right then,” he said, moments later as he dropped the sonic back on the night table. “ _Now_ can I kiss you?”

Rose ran her tongue carefully over her teeth, noting that although they didn’t feel minty fresh the same way they did after brushing, they did feel clean and her mouth tasted as it normally did.

She grinned.

“ _Molto bene_!” And with that, he dove over and pinned her body beneath his, arms braced on either side of her, his lips hovering just above hers. “Good morning, Rose Tyler,” he said softly.

And then he kissed her.

This kiss was so much more intense than the other kisses they’d shared. It was heated _, passionate,_ and confident. Also, they were wearing only a couple of thin layers and _oh God,_ she could feel him hard against her hip. She moaned and squirmed beneath him, her body reacting instantly to his.

After a time, she felt her lungs start to tighten and knew she’d need to break for air, but she didn’t want to let go of his lips.

Just as she thought her lungs were going to explode, he pulled back and hovered above her, panting, lips swollen and hair dishevelled.

He looked gorgeous.

Rose panted as she tried to steady her breathing. “Wow. That’s one hell of a wakeup call.”

He grinned and waggled his eyebrows. “Innit, though.”

His smirk was so adorable that she wanted to yank him right back down. However, tempted as she was see where _this_ took them, she knew that it was too soon.

As much as she loved him, much as she knew he loved her, there were still things between them that had to be resolved. She was still hurt over what he’d planned to do, what it would have meant for them all and that would take time to dissipate. She knew that he’d promised to respect her choices and those of others, but it still _hurt_. On top of that, yesterday had been the first time they’d seen each other in almost _five_ years. It would take time to get used to living together again and it would take time to get used to being a couple, something they had danced around for the two years she’d been with him. Yeah, it was still too soon.

But, oh, she was _tempted_.

As though he were reading her mind, he smiled gently at her and drew back to sit on his haunches. “No need to rush, Rose Tyler. We have all the time in world, now.”

She huffed. “It’s not that I don’t want to- I _do_. It’s just…”

“Hey,” he said softly, wriggling up to her and tugging her into his arms. “I mean it Rose, we have time. And I understand… I really do. This is all new, and it’s been a pretty turbulent coupe of days. This means too much to me to muck it up. Let’s take it as it comes, yeah?”

She smiled softly. “Look at you being all grown up.”

“Oi! Did you miss the part where I’m _over_ _nine_ _hundred years old?_ ”

She giggled and then sobered. “Thanks for understanding, though.”

He cast her a crooked little smile. “Hey, it’s a lot for me too, you know. It’s all happened so quickly and…well, I haven’t done all this relationship-y…business,” he waved his hand to indicate the two of them, “for a very long time. Time Lords didn’t, as a general rule and I don’t want to bollocks it all up. Reckon I did enough of that yesterday. And besides,” he added. “We have Donna and the- _Alonso_ on board. And _Alonso_ , at least, as he is now, would know if…well, if you maybe started broadcasting in your, er, _excitement_ , because your shields might slip.”

Rose sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder for a moment. It was all so very _complicated_. Why did it always have to be _complicated_ with them? Why couldn’t things ever be simple?

She suddenly snorted. Did she actually think having an alien lover who travelled through time and space in a police box (a lover she’d crossed universes for!) would ever be _simple_?

It was all worth it though. All totally worth it.

“What’s so funny, then?” The Doctor nudged her.

“Nothing, really,” she waved him off. “But can you teach me to, I dunno, block that stuff, or keep it in? Want my feelings to be private, and besides, don’t want every telepathic species out there to know every time we…well, you know, yeah?”

He snorted. “I reckon not. Yes, I can teach you. I need to teach you how to use your telepathy anyway, and broadcasting your emotions (or _not_ , as the case may be) is an important part of that. We can start today, if you like, after we sort out _Alonso_.”

“Yeah, that’d be good.” She giggled. “Are you always going to say his name like that?”

“What, you mean _Alonso_?” He grinned and shrugged innocently. “ _Maybe_.”

She rolled her eyes. “Git.”

“I take offence to that, Rose Tyler!” He huffed and theatrically pushed his nose in the air. “High and mighty Time Lord that I am.”

“A high and mighty Time Lord who’s taken up with a lowly human ape. Whatever would they say?” She snarked, clutching her hands to her chest in mock shock.

“They’d say he was a lucky sod,” he said softly, dropping their game. “Believe you me, there’s nothing _low_ about you, Rose Tyler, with or without genetic changes.”

She smiled and, unable to speak, buried her face in his neck, inhaling his reassuring scent. It meant so much to her that he’d told her he loved her, that he wanted her _before_ he knew about her genetic changes, that he’d been willing to take the risk even with a human lifespan.

She sighed contentedly, enjoying this quiet moment between them.

“Rose?”

But then, she supposed it was too much to expect him to be quiet for more than a few seconds. She suppressed a smile at the thought.

“Mmmmmm?”

“I hope you don’t… but…I..that is….How _did_ you remember what happened on the Gamestation?”

She blinked. Of all the things she’d expected him to say, she hadn’t expected _that_.

“I just…I can’t understand how you remembered. You shouldn’t have been able to and I’d really like to know. If…if that’s alright,” he added hastily.

She sighed and shifted back slightly, so he could see her face. She noticed that he kept a firm grip on her, though.

“’S fine, Doctor. I don’t mind, but it’s not…not nice and it might make you a bit...well, you know.”

His expression grew grim. “All the more reason I’d like to know. Please, Rose.”

She nodded and shifted until she was sitting up, her back against the headboard. This wasn’t a conversation to have lying down.

The Doctor shuffled about until he was sitting beside her, one arm slung about her shoulders. Surprisingly though, he was silent. He was waiting for her, it seemed.

Rose took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Right, so when I jumped from Pete’s World, all I really knew was that my DNA had changed and I wasn’t aging.”

He nodded.

“My first few jumps, I usually wound up on earth at different times in universes like this one. I didn’t even know that I’d developed any form of telepathy at all. Then I ended up in fifty-first century Soheja.”

The Doctor’s mouth tightened and his eyes darkened. The Sohejans were a highly telepathic race and an extremely aggressive one, at that. He obviously knew what it meant for her to arrive on that planet unshielded, unaware and untrained.

“They captured you,” he said grimly. It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah. The sensors got me straightaway, an’ they took me in for interrogation.”

His face grew stony but he said nothing, letting her continue.

“They kept asking me who was I working for, what I was trying to infiltrate, and they wouldn’t believe that I had no idea what they were on about. Wouldn’t even believe I was human, actually. So then, they went into my head and tried to find the answers for themselves.” She frowned. “Was pretty easy to get in, I guess- I had no real shielding to speak of. So then….then they were rifling through my head, an’ all I could think of was that I didn’t want them in there, that I had to get them out. I must’ve tried to fight ‘em off, because they kept having to re-establish the link. I was trying to hide all of my important memories, my memories of you and it all kept shifting around…and then they found my link to the TARDIS.”

The Doctor stared at her, dumbstruck. “Your WHAT?”

Rose gave a small smile. “Yeah, was a bit of a shock. They said there was a… golden thread pulsing in my mind and they kept trying to make me tell them what it was. Wouldn’t believe I didn’t know anything about it, of course, so they tried to force the link.” She took a deep breath. “They tried to tear it from my mind, ‘cause they were convinced that it was going back to whoever I was working for, so they…attacked it.”

She gulped, trying to ignore his horrified expression. “They kept tugging and tearing at it, trying to break it. The more they attacked it, the more it glowed, and then there were more of them, trying to ransack my brain and then…then suddenly memories started to surface, things I didn’t know about. I remembered pulling open the console after you sent me away…I remembered landing on the Gamestation…I remembered…wiping out the Daleks and what I did to Jack,” she inhaled sharply at that, “and I remembered…I remembered you dying for me.” She turned to look at him, grieved even after all this time. “You died to save me. I killed you and I never knew and I’m so, so sorry.”

“Oh, Rose,” he said softly, turning to face her. “I chose to do it and I’d do it again. I’ll always, _always_ choose to save you.” He gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. “You saved _me_ , you know, so many times. After the Time War, then with the Nestene Consciousness, on the Gamestation, and a million times since. Honestly, even now! I hate to think what I would have become, what would have happened to me if I’d lost you again. But _you_ , Rose Tyler, you fought and you stayed and you _saved_ me. And because of that, we were able to save Donna and the- and _Alonso_. It’s all because of you. You, Rose Tyler, are _fantastic._ ”

She sniffled, wiping at her face. “But I killed you. You still died because of me.”

“No, love. I _willingly_ gave my life for you. There’s a difference.” He slipped a finger under her chin, making her look at him. “It was exactly what you were willing to do for me. When you tried to come back, you had no way of knowing that you’d be able to stop the Daleks, did you?”

She shook her head slowly.

He smiled at her so lovingly that it hurt. “And you came back anyway. You came back to die with me. How could you think I’d do any less? I’d give my life, all my regenerations, to keep you safe, my Rose.”

She sniffled. “I know. But it was awful to I know I’d done that to you. That you’d died to save me.” She looked down guiltily. “And then I asked you to change back!”

“Hey, we’ve talked about this, remember? That Christmas at your mum’s? You didn’t know about regeneration. It was a reasonable reaction. I understood then and I understand now.”

“Yeah, I remember,” she mumbled, still ashamed of her reaction after all this time.

“What you did for me Rose….no one has _ever_ done that for me. I save the world- but a certain pink and yellow human seems to insist on saving _me_.” He leaned in and kissed her very, very gently. “And I can’t tell you what it means to have someone who does that.”

She kissed him softly in response. “Always.”

He smiled and drew back against the headboard once more, his arm still about her shoulders. “I know. Now…you were telling me about what…what they did?”

Her smile faded and she took a deep breath. “Right, yeah. So, they kept attacking the link, and memories and…and feelings were coming out and…and it hurt. A lot. Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, the bond flared like crazy and then it just… threw them all out of my head. There was this music…” she paused for a moment, eyes closed. “It was so familiar…and then I remembered. The TARDIS- it’s her song. She _saved_ me, Doctor.”

She opened her eyes and saw that he was pale and trembling.

“When, Rose? When was this? And was it in _this_ universe? Think, Rose, _please_!”

She squinted in thought for a moment. “Yeah, it was. I knew it was as soon as I’d arrived. It was in….5087, I think. The eighth Sohejan revolution was brewing. Why?”

His eyes grew wide and he turned to stare at the nearest wall in wonder. “She had a blackout, one day. No reason, no fault, but she just powered down. I could hear her mind raging and all I could work out was that she focused on an anomaly somewhere in the fifty-first century…I thought it was _Jack_ …but oh you gorgeous, clever girl, you were saving Rose, weren’t you?”

The TARDIS chimed gently and the Doctor squeezed his eyes shut, his breathing ragged. Rose knew he was communicating with the time ship but had no idea what he was saying.

Moments later he opened his eyes and smiled at her- a beautiful, relieved smile that made her heart clench- and stroked the wall lovingly. “She was protecting you.”

Rose smiled. “Yeah. We… bonded when she let me see into her heart. That’s why it hurt so much being in that other universe. It’s different to your bond with her, though.”

The Doctor smiled shakily. “I don’t doubt it. It’s _very_ different. You shared her soul, her _mind_ , Rose. I only drew the vortex out of you but you? She let you become one with her. I’ve never heard of that happening before. She willingly let you take her entire being, including the vortex, and absorb it into yourself.” He looked at her with something like awe. “If you knew how you looked Rose, stepping off the TARDIS…I thought that it was all over and the Eternals were walking again. I’d have defied Rassilon himself not to fall at your feet, the old snob.”

She shrugged uncomfortably. “I didn’t know that would happen. I just…all I wanted was to save you.”

 _I want you safe, my Doctor._ The words echoed throughout the room even now.

The Doctor blinked furiously. “I know. I…Rose, that was why the TARDIS let you. Do you know how many beings have tried to harness the power of the Vortex in some way, to steal and abuse it? Remember Margret the Slitheen? But they’ve failed, _all_ of them. Even Time Lords have gone mad, staring into the Untempered Schism and some of them ran far and wide, too terrified to look back. But not you. My beautiful, glorious TARDIS saw that you didn’t want it for yourself, that you didn’t even really know the power you’d harness. She saw what you wanted and she allowed to merge with her. I…Rose, do you know what that says about you? About the purity of your intentions?”

She felt uncomfortable at this somewhat idyllic portrayal of her. “Doctor… you’re making me out to be some kind of saint and ’m not perfect. You know that.”

The Doctor waved his hand dismissively. “Of course I know you’re not perfect. I’m not saying you’re perfect, I’m saying you were _worthy_ of the TARDIS’ trust and the power she placed in you. She saw that you didn’t want power for yourself. When you absorbed the Vortex and literally could have done ANYTHING, all you did was end the Daleks bring Jack back. That’s all. You didn’t make yourself eternal or some sort of ruler, no riches- you just saved the two of us. Just that. Do you know how _rare_ you are? The TARDIS’ faith was entirely justified.”

She shifted uncomfortably and looked down at her hands.

He slipped a finger under her chin and tilted it up so she had to look at him. “I mean it, Rose. What you did…it’s never been done, before or since. She _chose_ you, just as much as she chose me, didn’t you old girl?”

The shipped chimed loudly and Rose smiled in spite of herself, feeling a wave of affection from the time ship.

“Love you too, sweetheart,” she said softly. “You…you’re amazing. Can’t believe you saved me from all the way over here.”

The Doctor grinned. “Best TARDIS there ever was.”

The ship hummed and they both laughed at the feeling of sheer smugness which pervaded the room.

“Reckon she’s got a right to be smug, though,” Rose smiled.

“For saving you? She’s earned the right to be smug for all eternity.” The Doctor grinned, patting the nearest wall. “You clever, clever girl.”

Rose snuggled into his side. “She’s amazin’. Been looking after us this whole time.”

He smiled, unseen by her. “Yeah. She’s brilliant.”

They sat quietly for a moment before the Doctor nudged her gently.

“What happened after that, Rose? After the TARDIS saved you?”

Rose shrugged. “Nothing much. Came out of it and the Sohejan Inquisitors were all out cold on the floor, so I nicked the dimension canon and bolted before they woke up. I jumped and ended up on Zoralia.”

The Doctor exhaled with relief. “I’ll bet that was a pleasure after Soheja.”

She smiled. “Yeah, it really was. I reckon the TARDIS was looking after me even then- I landed during the twenty-third cycle.”

“Ah, so it was still uninhabited.” He made a pleased sound.

Zoralia was a planet that consisted mostly of open plains and gentle streams with a mild, pleasant climate year round. More importantly, due to its position in the solar system, it had a gently pulsing telepathic field and hadn’t been peopled until the twenty-fourth cycle. Even after colonisation, it remained a simple, peaceful agrarian society, and was a popular destination for those who’d suffered telepathic damage. It had been the ideal place for her to heal after the damage inflicted by the Sohejans, and the gentle pulses had soothed her torn mind. Now that she thought about it, she was sure the TARDIS had been soothing and healing her mind too.

“Yeah. Stayed there for good long while, before jumping again.”

“Did you- were you attacked again before I found you? Telepathically?”

Rose wished she could say no. “Yeah….a few times after that. But it wasn’t as…as bad and b‘sides, least I knew I had to be careful round telepathic species. And then… then I found you, long scarf you, that is, and…and you helped.” She smiled at him. “Didn’t happen again after that.”

The Doctor released a long breath. “I…would you let me check your mindscape? Please? Doesn’t have to be right now, but...today sometime? Before we start lessons?”

She gazed at him, her expression tender. “You know it’s all healed, don’t you, Doctor? Blue-eyed you fixed it all.”

The Doctor swallowed as he no doubt recalled his last body’s careful, loving healing of her mind. “Yeah, I know. But I’d still feel better…I’d just…please?”

She smiled softly at him. “Yeah, OK.”

He sighed and pulled her tightly to his side. “Thank you. I just- I know you can take care of yourself- -you’ve been brilliant all this time- but I just…I…”

“I know,” she said softly. “I know Doctor. ‘S ok. Just…after we fix Alonso up, OK?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly, pulling her to him and burying his face in her hair. “OK.”

“I almost caught up with you a few times,” she said suddenly, not even sure why she was bringing it up then. “This you, I mean…but I always seemed to get there a few seconds too late or…or something.”

He stiffened and pulled back. “When?”

She shifted slightly. “Adipose Industries.”

He stared at her. “You were _there_?”

She gave a small smile. “Yeah. Got there just in time to hear “You’re not mating with me, sunshine.” By the time I got to the TARDIS, it was…you were gone.”

He exhaled sharply. “I can’t believe this! I could have found you sooner if I’d just waited a few more minutes!”

“I know,” she said quietly. “It was hard for me too. I’d been jumping for….ages, by then and I was starting to doubt I’d ever get back to the right you. Then I found you there and then a few times after that. I was narrowing in on your timeline, but I didn’t know it at the time. All I knew was that I was so close and I missed you.”

“Where else?” he demanded, turning to face her properly. “When?”

She sighed and reached out to cup his cheek in her hand. “Midnight,” she said softly.

He shook slightly. “You were there?”

“Yeah,” she said softly. “Kind of. I was at an outpost base. I was trying to get the bus on the monitor but you…you didn’t see me. The sound wasn’t workin’. I could see it all, though.”

He said nothing, shaking in her arms for a long while.

“That place…”

“I know,” was all she said. “I know. And maybe…maybe one day you’ll want to talk about it and I’ll be here to listen. If you want.”

He squeezed her a little more tightly but said nothing.

“I was also there during that business with the Sontarans. I…was on a monitor again, but you couldn’t hear me.”

His trembling increased and his arms tightened so much she couldn’t breathe.

“I could have found you sooner, so much sooner,” he said quietly, his voice shaking. “ I needed you so much and you were all alone and you were _there_ and I didn’t see you. I’m so, so sorry Rose.”

“S’okay!” she hastened to reassure him. “’S not your fault. You were in the middle of…things and you didn’t see me. ‘S not like you saw me and ran off.”

He barked a laugh that almost sounded like a sob. “No, _that_ at least, I didn’t do.” He swallowed. “But I can’t believe I…you were _there_ Rose, you were _so close_ and I…I was too thick to notice!”

“’S not that, Doctor,” she soothed. “You know it isn’t.”

He turned to her, his eyes tormented. “And what about what it did to _you_? To get so close, to be able to _see_ me, and I didn’t see you!”

She flinched and forced herself to be honest. If they were going to get past this, they had to _talk_ about it. “I’m not goin’ to lie- it hurt. It hurt a lot because for ages I had nightmares about exactly that. And when it happened...”

She shuddered, and the Doctor made a wounded sound, drawing her even closer to him. “Oh my Rose.”

“S’okay now,” she told him. “I’ve found you. But at the time…I didn’t know if I ever would. If I’d ever find you in time. If you’d even want me around when I did.”

He groaned. “And I tried to send you back, after all that. God, _why_ am I such a git?”

“It hurt,” she said quietly. “You know that, Doctor. But…I understand why you tried to do what you did- I don’t _agree_ with it, but I understand.”

He nodded and hung his head, looking utterly dejected.

“Hey.” She slipped a finger under his chin, tilting his head up. “We talked about this yesterday Doctor. You apologised and I forgave you. That’s the end of it.”

He swallowed. “Yeah. But it doesn’t mean it hurts any less- for you or for me.”

She shrugged. “No, it doesn’t. It’s going take time for that to fade. But dwelling on it isn’t goin’ to help either.”

The Doctor gazed at her intently and said nothing for a long while.

++++++++++++

 _Apologise, make it right and move on_. Yesterday’s advice from his previous incarnation resounded inside the Doctor’s head.

Make it right.

He could do that. He _would_ do that.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm his raging guilt. “Right you are. You…you didn’t have nightmares last night, did you?”

She shook her head. “Not one. Best night’s sleep I’ve had in…I can’t even remember.”

He nodded, understanding what she didn’t say.

_Since I lost you._

“What about you?”

He blinked at the question. It was on the tip of his tongue to lie, to fabricate, to avoid the question. Only…

 _Be the man she deserves_.

The words of his ninth incarnation rang loudly in his mind, and he sighed. Rose deserved his honesty.

“Not last night, no.”

Her eyes narrowed. “But you’ve had them.”

He nodded. “Ever since Canary Wharf. Ever since….”

 _Since I lost you_.

The unspoken words were once again all too clear.

“Didn’t sleep much after that,” he said quietly, the admission of vulnerability burning his throat. “Went a bit mad, actually, now I think of it.”

Rose exhaled sharply and he realised that she was relieved. She’d expected him to prevaricate as he usually would.

But not this time. Not to Rose. From now on, he would only be honest with her.

Because she _deserved_ his honesty, because he loved her and he was finished with running from it. What had running brought him but pain and loneliness and heartache? He’d been given a second chance, and by Rassilon, he was taking it.

He nudged Rose and she tried to smile at him. “Looks like we both dodged the nightmares last night, ‘ey Doctor?”

“Looks like. I reckon it’s the old girl looking out for us- giving us a bit of temporary respite before we’re thrust into it.”

The TARDIS chimed and Rose smiled.

Unable to help himself, the Doctor squeezed Rose tightly to him, still unable to believe that she was here, that she was staying with him, that she was his and he was hers. Of course, truth be told, he’d always been hers, ever since ‘ _Run’_. He’d just been too frightened to admit it.

Moments later, he broke his desperate hold and exhaled. “Right. Time to face the day, I reckon. Are you ready, Rose Tyler?”

She grinned at him. “With you? Yeah, reckon I am.”

“ _Molto bene_! Time to rise and shine, then.”

She pecked him on the lips and to his annoyance, extricated herself from his arms. Grinning at his growl of annoyance, she pushed back the covers and slipped out of bed, heading for the bathroom. “Go shower, Doctor,” she called back before closing the door.

He squawked in indignation and flung back the covers, marching to the closed bathroom door. “Are you suggesting that I _smell_?”

A flurry of giggles answered his inquiry, and the shower started.

“I’ll have you know, Rose Tyler, that my superior Time Lord physiology doesn’t cause me to sweat like _some_ species I could name!” he shouted through the door.

More giggles.

Huffing in mock affront, he turned and made for the door, smiling all the while. He danced a little jig as he walked into his own room, which the TARDIS had very conveniently moved next door.

Sending her a silent thanks, he made his way to the shower. This morning was very different to the wakeup he could have had- alone and companionless, Rose and the- _Alonso_ locked away in another universe and Donna likely having forgotten him altogether, her memory wiped to save her life.

He shuddered.

Instead, Rose was _here_ , with him, in the TARDIS where she belonged and Donna was safely sleeping off the effects of the mind healing. Soon Alonso would have his mind healed, his life saved, and would take his first steps into a life of his own.

All because of Rose.

Unable to help himself, he grinned.

For the first time since that cursed day at Canary Wharf, he was _happy._


	8. Stability Ahoy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor does a bit more mind-work- only this time, there are a few surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Annnnnd here is the next chapter of Back to You! Apologies for it being much later than originally planned but the characters were SO stubborn and they weren't coming out quite right. I'm still not very pleased with this chapter to be honest and I may come back and do some serious rewriting once I've finished posting the story. But in the meantime, I give you this next chapter and hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> This is un-beta'd and all mistakes are very much my own.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

At the other man’s…. _Alonso’s…_ insistence, they had _all_ gathered in the infirmary after breakfast. Rose and Donna were currently seated in comfortable chairs in the far corner of the infirmary while Alonso lounged lazily on a bed, waiting.

“Yes.” There was no doubt in Alonso’s voice. “I’m sure.”

The Doctor nodded, hiding his worry. He understood, he really did, but he was terrified of the numerous things that could go wrong in the process. After all this, to have come this far, he didn’t know if he could bear another death on his conscience, and especially not _this_ man, who was literally a part of him.

On the other hand, what choice did they have? If they didn’t do something, Alonso was going to burn. No human body could handle a Time Lord’s mind.

“Righto, then, have you decided what you want to keep and what you want to…hibernate?”

“Yep.”

The Doctor rolled his eyes when the other man didn’t offer anything further. “Care to share with the rest of the class, then? Only it might be helpful to know, you see, what with my going in to rejig your _brain_.”

Alonso tsk-ed. “Well why didn’t you say so? All you had to do was ask.”

The Doctor muttered under his breath only to fall silent at a glare from Donna.

“Oi, Toothpicks! No arguing!”

He cleared his throat and turned back to Alonso.

“Right then. What have you decided?”

Alonso sobered. “Weeeeelllllll, I want to keep everything I can about the earth- technology, science, medicine, history...whatever you can squeeze in.” He smiled at Rose and Donna. “My favourite planet and my favourite species. Definitely keeping that.”

The Doctor suppressed a glare when the two of them beamed.

_Smooth talker._

“Right, OK, the earth, got it. What else?”

Alonso tilted his head consideringly. “I reckon the same level of galactic education as a sixtieth century Proctor, if you can swing it. You know, reasonable knowledge of Milky Way galactic history, passing knowledge of the most common alien species and galaxies in the universe, that sort of thing. Oh, and a passing knowledge of the people you’ve known, at least enough to recognise them and who they are. Could get awkward otherwise. As for the rest? I don’t need it- want to learn it all myself. Well, as much as I can do with this brain, anyway.”

He looked steadily at the Doctor. “I need to let go of your memories- well, _nearly_ all of them….and especially Gallifrey.” He swallowed. “Knowing what happened is more than enough. Doesn’t seem right to keep any more than that- the good or the bad. It’s enough to know who and what I am, and where I came from. The other memories… they’re _your_ private thoughts, not mine.”

The Doctor swallowed at that. On the one hand, it had been…brilliant having someone around who remembered Gallifrey exactly as he had. But then, on the other hand, Alonso could only remember so exactly _because_ they were the Doctor’s memories in the first place. Furthermore, the other man was right- they were very private memories and he’d never shared them with anyone. He hoped one day to share them with his… bond-mate (if they got there, if Rose agreed), but that was different. They would still be _his_ thoughts, not masquerading as someone else’s history. Alonso was right to let go of them, and the Time War. It wasn’t his history, and it wasn’t his burden, either. Not anymore.

“Right.” The Doctor took a deep breath. “What else?”

Alonso looked at the two women sitting nearby and spoke quietly. “Donna. I want to keep everything _about_ her as it is- just please, for the love of all things pointy and yellow, get rid of _her_ memories,” he added hastily, shuddering. “Don’t want _those._ But Donna herself? Yeah, keeping her as she is.”

“Isn’t that cheating slightly?” the Doctor couldn’t help but ask, wanting to make sure. “Just keeping my feelings about her?”

“Weeeeell,” the other man shrugged. “Maybe a _teensy_ bit. But Donna- she’s different. She’s part of me, in a very real way. She’s the closest I have to family, apart from you. I mean, I don’t want her personal memories in my head anymore than I want yours- but I still want our… _your_ memories _about_ her, if that makes sense. Good starting point anyway.”

“Fair enough,” the Time Lord said quietly, and then hated himself for having to ask. “And… Rose?”

The other man looked him in the eye. “Leave me the memories of how we…of how the two of _you_ met, and who she is. But not…”

“Not your love for her,” he finished, understanding. “Not our private memories, the things that mattered.”

“Not _your_ love for her,” the other man countered. “ _Your_ memories. Because that’s what it is. Every time she looked at you with her heart in her eyes, every time you she came back for you…it was _you_. She loved you, came back for you, and fought for _you_. What I feel for now is because of you.” He looked the Doctor straight in the eyes. “She’s yours, Doctor, and you’re hers. Have been since _run_ , and not even I can come in the way of that.”

The Doctor blinked. “That’s the first time you’ve called me ‘Doctor.’”

Alonso swallowed and then smiled. “Well, you are, aren’t you? _You’re_ the Doctor. I never was. The minute I came into existence I wasn’t you anymore. I…I hope to be Alonso, though- maybe even Alonso _Noble_ , if Donna doesn’t mind.”

“Have you asked her?” the Doctor asked solemnly. Names were important, after all.

“Not yet. After…once everything is alright, then I will. No need to get her hopes up, in case…”

“Yeah,” he said hastily. “I understand.” He cleared his throat. “Right, anything you want do before we get started?”

Alonso hesitated. “I want…I’d to talk to them first. In case.”

The Doctor nodded. “Right. Yeah. Of course you do. I’ll just…I’ll just go and check the vitals scanner, shall I?” He moved off to the far end of the infirmary without waiting for an answer- to give them a semblance of privacy, even though he knew that, with his hearing, he’d overhear everything anyway.

Still, Alonso hadn’t objected, so that was that.

He started fiddling with the bio-scanner as he saw Alonso sit up and swing his legs over the edge of the bed, waving Donna over. The redhead approached hesitantly- she knew all too well the risk they were taking in reforming Alonso’s mind.

The Doctor deliberately tried to tune out their conversation, wanting to give them some privacy, but he managed to catch most of it anyway.

“What d’you want, then, Martian boy? Thought you were getting your brain fixed.”

Alonso leaned forward and tried to smile. “I am. Just, I wanted….before I…wellll…I wanted to tell you…something.”

Donna cleared her throat, understanding what he was trying to say. “Oh. Tell me after, then.”

The other man smiled then, a real smile. “Alright. But still, you know don’t you?”

She rolled her eyes, trying to keep a cool expression. “Yeah I do. But you can still tell me after. That sort of thing always _bloody well needs saying_.”

“Yeah. But just…I’m keeping you, just so you know.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “Oh _keeping m_ e, are you Sunshine?”

Alonso flushed. “You know what I mean.”

The redhead smiled. “Doesn’t mean I’m gonna go easy on you- that head of yours needs taking down a peg or two.”

The blue-suited man guffawed. “You would.”

Donna took a deep breath. “Just….do what you have to, work with the skinny prawn over there and come back, alright? I’m… _we’re_ waiting for you.”

“Yeah.” He swallowed. “I’ll be fixed before you know it, Donna Noble.”

“You’d better not keep me waiting, String Bean. And I mean it!” She grinned at his raised brow. “I’m older than you. So just you remember I outrank _both_ skinny morons on this ship and you’ll do as I say.”

“Yeah? What about _him_ , then?” Alonso grinned, waving at the Doctor. “He’s older than both of us. How d’you outrank him?”

Donna rolled her eyes. “That’s easy. I’m smarter than him.”

Alonso chuckled.

Inhaling deeply, she seized him in a fierce hug. “Just…get a move on, Skinny Pants, and don’t bollocks it up.” Looking up at the Doctor, she pointed an accusing finger. “That includes you too, Pip Squeak.”

“Oi!”

Donna smirked insolently the protesting duo and made her way back to her comfy armchair.

The Doctor fiddled with the scanner and shook his head ruefully. She was a handful, was Donna Noble and he was so glad that she was still here.

But maybe he wouldn’t tell her that just now.

Looking up, he saw that Rose was hesitantly eyeing Alonso as though she’d like to speak to him as but was uncertain whether her presence would be welcome. Catching sight of her, Alonso cocked an eyebrow cheekily at her and Rose huffed.

“Come on then,” the blue-suited man called out. “You coming over or you going to stand there staring at this seriously _brilliant_ backcomb I’ve got going on?”

Rose snorted and made her way over to the bed, her hesitation vanishing. “Yeah, hate to tell you this, but as soon as you lie down that style’s a goner.”

Alonso looked horrified. “You’re joking, aren’t you?”

Rose folded her arms and shook her head. “’Fraid not.”

“But…but it took _ages_ to get it right!”

The Doctor shuddered. The other man- _Alonso_ \- was pouting. _Pouting_! He was pouting and it looked disturbingly childish seeing it on his own, very handsome features. He was honestly very relieved that his own very manly scowl was so, well, _manly_. He absolutely did not pout. At all.

Unlike Alonso.

Rose grinned and unfolded her arms. “You’re so vain.”

“Oi! No quoting Carly Simon when I’m worried about my _hair_!” Alonso paused. “Wait, that didn’t come out right.”

“I reckon it did,” Rose chuckled.

He fixed her with a plaintiff look. “Why are you making fun of my _hair_ , Rose? This is serious!”

“Oh, come on,” she cajoled, sitting next to him on the bed. “You can always fix it later. Besides, you’re probably goin’ to want a nap after this, aren’t you? You’d have messed it up anyway.”

“ _Well_ ,” Alonso sighed, “I s’pose.”

Rose bit her lip, trying to hide her grin and in spite of himself, the Doctor wanted to grin with her. Her smile was infectious; in fact, he was almost certain he could power a small town with it. Blinking, he remembered that he was supposed to be fiddling with the scanner and looked away. For a moment.

“Oi!” Alonso protested. “You’re doing it again, Rose!”

“What?” she asked, lips twitching.

“Smiling without smiling.” He paused, looking fondly at her, all humour gone. “You have a nice smile, Rose Tyler.”

She blushed. “Thanks. So do you, you know.”

“Oh, I know.” He waggled his eyebrows at her. “I’m devastatingly dashing, I am.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “And modest too.”

“Weeeeell.” The blue-suited man grinned. “No one’s perfect. Although to be honest, according to _him,_ ” he pointed at the Doctor “you come pretty close.”

She blushed again.

“’M not perfect, Alonso,” she said softly. “You know that.”

Alonso smiled. “Maybe not, but to him you may as well be. What you did, getting back to him, every time- you saved him. You always have. You know how we…. _he_ feels.” Taking a deep breath, he exhaled. “The thing of it is, I… _care_ …. too.”

Rose flushed.

“I know that it’s all from _him_ , but still I… wanted you to know that, at this moment, I…well I do, and I would have been honoured to build a life with you if I were him, if things had been different.”

Alonso took a deep breath. “But they’re not, and as it stands you saved Donna’s life and you’ve saved mine, and managed to throw saving _his_ into the bargain- don’t think I need to tell you what he would have become on his own. You’re _brilliant_ , Rose Tyler and I hope that I can come to know you, to…care you for myself, in my own way. But for now...”

Slowly, nervously he leaned in, and gently brushed her mouth with the lightest of kisses.

In spite of himself, the Doctor held back a growl. Rose was _his_. Yes the other man knew that, had admitted it, even, but still, he had _kissed_ her, had touched her in a way that the Doctor had only allowed himself to do for the first time yesterday. Reason was almost entirely drowned out by the waves of jealousy and possessiveness running through him. Catching sight of Donna’s amused smirk, however, he took hold of himself and forced his jealousy to the back of his mind, focusing on Rose and Alonso again.

The blue-suited man swallowed as he drew back. “But for now, it’s enough that you know that I….that I love you because _he_ loves you. Because Donna’s right- it does need saying. Even from me.”

Rose’s gentle smile melted all the Doctor’s angry possessiveness. “I know, and I… love you too, because you’re part of him. And when your mind is fixed, I hope that I can get to know _you_ , and love you ‘cause you’re _you_. An’ however you feel about me when all this is over, I want you to know that I want you to have an _amazin’_ life, even if you need me to stay away to do that. I’ll understand if it’s too hard for you to be around me.”

The Doctor completely understood the suddenly soft, almost tender expression on his double’s face. Rose was... _magnificent_ ; a combination of strength and compassion that he failed to comprehend even now. She had abilities and strengths far beyond what he possessed and this proved it.

Alonso stroked her cheek gently before pulling back to lie on the bed. “I’ll always want you around Rose Tyler, even if not the way _he_ does. And that’s as it should be. Maybe someday I’ll find my own Rose Tyler.”

She smiled then- a genuine Rose Tyler smile with tongue in teeth that made the Doctor’s hearts pound as he watched her caress Alonso’s face.

“Better hope she doesn’t use a lot of hair stuff- there’s only so much room in bathroom cabinets.”

“Well, if she does, obviously mine will have to take precedence.” The other man preened. “With hair like this, it’s a foregone conclusion whose hair product is the priority.”

Rose grinned. “I wouldn’t count on it.” Leaning over, she brushed the hair back from his face and kissed him softly- on the cheek, the Doctor was gratified to notice.

“Good luck, Alonso. See you at the beginning.”

The blue-suited man winked. “A very good place to start!”

Rose winked back, then turned and looked right at the Doctor. Her gaze almost stopped both his hearts; it was full of love and fear and worry and yearning and best of all, _hope_.

And he liked hope, _really_ liked hope, because hope, _her_ hope, her faith and drive, had brought her home to him.

Yes, he quite liked hope.

She beamed at him before making her way back to Donna. He stared after her, still unable to fathom that after years of yearning, this was actually happening.

Rose Tyler and the Doctor in the TARDIS were _finally_ Rose-Tyler-and-the-Doctor in the TARDIS.

As they should be.

“Oi! You going stop pretending not to listen in and get on with this, then?”

The Doctor frowned in annoyance, and turned to his (for-now) counterpart. “You got a double dose of rudeness, you know- rude and not-ginger from me and,” he lowered his voice, “rude-from-a-ginger-but-not-actually-ginger-yourself from Donna.”

The blue-suited man smirked. “I notice you’re speaking quietly so she can’t hear you.”

The Doctor looked at him scornfully. “I said _rude-and-not-ginger_ , not _thick_ -and-not-ginger, or _has-a-death-wish–and-not ginger_!”

Donna threw them both a narrow-eyed, suspicious look from where she sat and Alonso flinched. “Point taken.” He drew a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Right. Are we getting on with this, or what?”

The Doctor also drew a deep breath and exhaled through his teeth. “Yeah. You know what you have to do?”

The other man nodded shortly. “I’m stabilising the mindscape and monitoring bodily functions and brain activity. If I start to become unstable, we’re both to pull out immediately, and you’ll put me into an induced coma.” He grimaced. “Of course, if it comes to that, our chances of success are much lower, because we need the both of us to have any hope of making it work.”

The Doctor gave him a tight grin. “Let’s burn that bridge when we come to it, shall we?”

Alonso swallowed. “Right, yeah. The power of positivity and all that.” He looked up at the Doctor. “Are we ready then?”

He clipped the vitals monitor to the other man’s finger and nodded. “Yep.” Taking a deep breath, he sat on the bed, placing his hands on the other man’s temples and tried to smile. “ _Allons-y, Alonso!”_

And with that, he closed his eyes and entered the other man’s mind.

He wasn’t entirely sure what he had been expecting. He supposed part of him expected Alonso’s mind to be a mirror of his own to some extent, if slightly more compressed and unstable. He’d certainly expected it to be at least _similar_ to his own mind- orderly, composed and well-structured, with perhaps a smidge of Donna’s mind mixed in. He’d made guesses after his physical examination of the other man but he’d not really considered that it would be anything very unusual. He’d certainly expected it would be ordered in some sort of way.

Instead, what he found was absolute chaos.

He found himself inside a seething, tumultuous mess, with a hodgepodge of human and Time-Lord characteristics. There were conflicting human and Time-Lord processes both attempting to perform the same function, whilst other functions were performed by a hybrid of the two at random. The mindscape itself was unstable and heaving with strain and swirls and threads of coloured energy and thoughts and memories, only partially stored. Looking at it, he’d guess that without interference, the mindscape would only hold for another day or two. At most.

“Vile, isn’t it?”

He looked and found the mental projection of Alonso standing beside him, hands in pockets, looking at his own mindscape in disgust.

“ _Why_?” the Doctor demanded. “Why didn’t you say anything before? You wouldn’t have lasted another two days like this and you must have known. Why didn’t you say anything?”

The other man looked determinedly at the floor. “It wasn’t quite as bad yesterday. At first, I thought it was just my mind settling after my…generation? Anyway, didn’t really hit me that it was more than that until after we’d left the parallel universe.” He shrugged. “After that, it didn’t seem all that urgent, because I knew you’d eventually see sense about Rose, and there was no chance of dropping me off and locking me away, so…I knew you’d get to it.”

The Doctor shook his head, fear making him angry. “You’re an _idiot_! You should have told me! You could have _burned!_ ”

Alonso sighed. “Donna was more important, you know that. The longer we left it, the greater the risk. And no offense, but I don’t think either of us was exactly up for another excursion down memory lane after _that_!”

Out of habit, the Doctor slipped his hands into his own pockets and glared at the other man. “That was a terrible pun. And you still should have told me.”

“Not to be rude,” Alonso drawled, “but we are here _now_. And seeing as how we’re in my very unstable, totally subpar mind which can’t keep up with three-quarters of the functions it remembers, maybe we should get on with it before my consciousness melts into nothing?”

The Doctor stared intently at the other man wondering why he was so defensive about his mindscape. “Oh,” he said, realisation dawning. “You’re embarrassed. You think your mind is ‘less’ than mine.”

The blue-suited man flushed. “Your mind is all I know, and my brain thinks it’s still…you. And it’s not. Not anymore.” He smiled bitterly. “I’m the inferior model- not quite human and not quite Time Lord.”

The Doctor frowned. “You know that’s rubbish- we, that is, _I_ never believed half of that rubbish from the Academy even back then. Look where the Time Lords ended up, for Rassilon’s sake, with all their ‘superior minds!’”

The blue-suited man swallowed. “Yeah, I know. Look, we should just get on with this.”

“Yeah.” The Time Lord fixed the other man with a look, needing to make him understand, feeling somewhat guilty for his poor treatment of him yesterday now he saw just what he was contending with. “You’re not, though. Less, I mean.” He slipped his hands into his pockets. “You’re something new and exciting, a combination of two brilliant species. And… you saw the right of the situation with Rose before I did.”

The metacrisis swallowed, understanding what he was trying to say. “Yeah. We really should get on with this, though.”

“Right.” The Doctor nodded shortly. Cocking his head, he thought for a moment. “Best to start with the time-sense neural sequence. If I can stop your brain from constantly searching for it, I’ll be able to settle things a bit more while I work.”

Alonso nodded. “Okey-dokey then, I’m going to set up camp here to do my bit.” He focused and a chaise-longue appeared, along with a pair of binoculars. Plonking himself down onto the chair, he grinned. “Might as well get comfy.”

The Doctor shook his head. It was always fascinating how people chose to manifest mental functions in their own minds, but a chaise-longue and binoculars? _Really_?

Focusing his own mind, he identified and isolated the various processes in the metacrisis’ mind. Moments later, he found the neural sequence he was looking for and set to work unpicking it. The mind resisted the altered programming slightly, but after a nifty bit of what he liked to call neural re-calibration, the sequence collapsed.

Immediately, he felt the mindscape stabilise just a little bit more. Turning to check on Alonso, he found the other man now wearing a fishing hat and peering intently through the binoculars.

“Aha!” the blue-suited man crowed. “Stability ahoy!” Then he lowered the binoculars and cringed. “Nope, never saying that again.”

The Doctor rolled his eyes, irritated at this somewhat flippant attitude. “A fishing hat? And _stability_ _ahoy_? _Really_?”

The other man shrugged. “When in Rome…”

“In case you hadn’t noticed,” the Doctor said tightly, “we are _not_ in Rome and we have work to do!”

“Oi! Don’t get tetchy with me! I’m doing my job.” He titled his head consideringly. “Nice work with the time-sense neural sequence, by the way.”

“If we don’t get a move on, it’ll reset. We need to fix all the others and then I’ll have to fix the neural centres for telepathy. How are the physical functions?”

The image of the other man squinted in concentration. “Not bad, so far. Heart-rate a bit elevated, but otherwise, OK. I think the real trouble will come with the human sense and physiological reprogramming. And the telepathy…”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” The Doctor grimaced. “Stop me if you need to.”

The other man nodded and settled back onto his chaise longue. “Right.”

And so they worked, the Doctor unpicking function by function and reprogramming each, whilst Alonso monitored and stabilised the heaving, turbulent mindscape. Sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste were each reformed to seek and process external sensory input at a human level. Bodily functions were reprogrammed to adapt. Everything was going well…until the Doctor attempted to alter the neural receptors which controlled telepathy.

Suddenly, he felt the mindscape heave and shake, as though it were in the midst of an earthquake. Whipping around, he saw that Alonso was fading in and out, losing colour and form.

“It won’t hold! It’s not working!” The other man shouted as soon as he faded back in.

The Doctor cursed. It seemed the telepathy (and by extension the telepathic centres and receptors) was too central to Alonso’s brain. If he continued to try and undo it, to reduce it, the entire mindscape could cave in. Conversely, if he left it as it was, the mindscape would melt into nothing; this half-human mind, whilst certainly slightly telepathic, couldn’t handle telepathy on a Time Lord level. It could literally melt it into nothing.

Seeing no other option, he was about to induce a coma and leave the man’s mind to try and find a solution, when suddenly, everything froze and a very familiar, golden fire began to touch the edges of the mindscape.

The Doctor froze. “Artron energy!”

For the first time, the other man looked truly afraid. “But I can’t regenerate!”

“Obviously! But where’s it coming from?” the Doctor snapped, his fear making him lash out. “It’s not from me and it’s not from you. “

Alonso was silent for a moment, watching the golden fire lick around the edges of his mind, and then drew a deep breath and lifted his chin. “Well….looks like that’s it then. Tell Donna I’m sorry I- I won’t be able to get back on time. Prior appointment and all that.”

“Shut up!” The Doctor barked, trying and failing to seize control of the Artron energy. “You’re _not_ making me explain this to Donna.” Lashing out, he attempted to seize control of the golden energy, but instead it burst into flame all round them, causing the entire mindscape to be covered in a dancing, golden flame.

The Doctor tried again, desperately attempting to seize control of the golden fire, to take it into himself and regenerate if needs be, if it would save the other man. Again, his efforts were rebuffed.

Suddenly, to his surprise, a familiar laugh sounded throughout the mindscape and a _very_ familiar face appeared.

“So determined.”

He gaped. “ _Rose_? What are you doing in here? Get out before it hurts you! Quick!”

Rose merely smiled. “I am not Rose, my thief. At least, not entirely.”

In spite of himself, his jaw dropped open. “What? _What_ did you just call me?” His eyes narrowed. “If you’re not Rose, then who are you?”

Not-Rose smiled again and to his terror he saw that her eyes were golden. “Do not you know me, my thief?”

Beside him, Alonso began tremble. “The TARDIS. You’re the TARDIS.”

“I am and I am not,” the apparition said. “I am the Bad Wolf.”

“No!” gasped the Doctor. “Rose…that means you’re….”

“Fear not, my thief. I will not hurt her. She has not looked into our Heart. This time, _I_ have come to _her_ and together we will heal him. I would not see you suffer another death.”

The Doctor trembled in terror, trying to trigger a coma in Alonso’s mind and scrambling to get out, to see what had happened to Rose. However, he found that he was locked in.

Not-Rose shook her head. “Why do you fear? You have seen that her days will match yours, that she has been changed to meet her destiny.”

“She’ll burn,” he rasped, an image of a golden Rose burning on the Gamestation seared in his mind.

Not-Rose laughed; a familiar, yet somehow eerily different laugh. “Do not you see, my thief? She has not taken in that which cannot be contained, and she is not in danger. I am the Bad Wolf and I create myself. She and I are bound, and I have chosen to speak through her, to act through her. I am the Heart, but she is my Hand. I am the Mind, and she my Voice. We have seen your need and we have come.”

“Why?” Alonso rasped shakily.

Not-Rose smiled. “I am bound to you also, young one. I can feel your sickness and I would alleviate it. I would not see your light snuffed out.”

With that, she closed her eyes and the flames grew brighter, so bright that even the Doctor could not bear them, and both mind avatars covered their eyes, closing their senses to the light.

“You will be healed,” came not-Rose’s melodic, plural voice from all sides. “Your mind will not fail.”

Alonso suddenly screamed before all became still. The Doctor uncovered his eyes just in time to see the golden flames vanish and Alonso flicker out of the mindscape.

“What have you done?” he demanded, panting with fear.

Not-Rose smiled. “What you could not, my Thief. His mind is no longer failing. He will sleep and when he wakes, he will be new.”

The Doctor eyed the familiar figure distrustfully. She merely winked at him and vanished, a wolf’s howl resounding through the mindscape.

The Doctor’s avatar trembled as his mind roiled in fear. Was it true? He was almost too frightened to consider what he might find on the outside.

 _Trust me_ , _my thief_ , came the dual voice of the Bad Wolf.

Trust.

He trusted Rose, and he trusted his TARDIS.

Trust.

However hard it was.

Closing his eyes, he sent himself out of Alonso’s mind.

Opening his eyes, he almost wished he hadn’t. A glowing, golden Rose sat on cross-legged on the bed beside him, whilst a white-faced Donna was pleading with her.

“Rose, you need to stop this! Oh, God! You’ll burn, Rose!” Catching sight of the Doctor, she almost sobbed in relief. “Doctor…thank God! She just…I can’t make it stop!”

Rose ignored her and turned to the Doctor. “My thief,” she said in that eerie dual voice of hers. “Check him.”

“ _Rose_ ,” he whispered in terror, his hearts pounding. He desperately sent out his mind to hers and ran into a solid shield that blocked his every attempt to get in.

“Check him,” came the dual voice again.

“Rose…no, please, let it go!” he whispered helplessly, unable to expel the presence from her mind.

“Check him,” was the gentle, yet immovable response.

Swallowing, he nodded and turned to Alonso, forcing down his instinct to demand the TARDIS leave Rose alone. He ran the scans over the other man and to his absolute amazement, the vitals scanner showed that he was well, and brain activity was only slightly higher than normal during sleep.

She had done it; the Bad Wolf had done it. She had done as she said and healed him.

The Doctor still needed to check whether the correct memories were behind the partition, of course, but he was almost certain they would be.

It was done.

“My thief,” the eerie voice said again, and he turned back to her. Leaning towards him, she caressed his cheek before leaning in to kiss him, the golden light leaving her eyes. “My Doctor,” she whispered as she pulled back. The Doctor was relieved that sounded like Rose again.

“Rose,” he rasped, still trembling. “Is that- are you- is it… _you_?”

She smiled gently. “Yeah.”

“How did you- _why_ \- you could have-“

“Doctor,” she laid a finger on his lips, silencing him. “She asked me, the TARDIS. She showed me and I agreed. We had to save him! I couldn’t just let him die- not now!” She swallowed. “She told me it would be safe, that it was different this time and I trust her. Don’t you?”

“Yes but…” He swallowed painfully. “I just….Rose you could have burned! I can’t lose you now! Not again!”

“I’m fine, Doctor,” she soothed. “The TARDIS would never hurt me. You know that.” She grabbed his hand and laced it with her own. “This is part of me, now Doctor. And in a way, I’m a part of her.”

He nodded jerkily. He knew that, he did- Rose’s test results, her altered biology, her altered mind all pointed to that, logically; nonetheless his heart was still in his throat at the thought that he could have _lost_ her.

“Donna,” he managed, forcing himself stand. “Watch him.”

The red-head nodded, her face pale and watched as he gently led Rose to a cot further down the room.

The Doctor swallowed and looked pleadingly at the woman he loved. “ _Please_ ,” was all he said, but she understood and brought his fingers to her temples.

He took a deep breath and gently, carefully, sent his mind into hers for the first time in _this_ body…and found himself in the TARDIS console room, Rose perched on the jumpseat.

His avatar trembled. “I should have known, the very first time I saw into your mind.”

Rose grinned, her avatar touching her tongue to her teeth exactly as she would in the physical world. “I think you were too scared admit it- long scarf you, that is.”

He swallowed, slipping his hands into his pockets. “I’d never met anyone who had my own TARDIS as their mindscape before. Of course it scared me. How….how did you… _why_?”

“It’s home,” she said simply.

Her smile relaxed him slightly and he closed his eyes for a moment, basking in the glorious familiarity of her mind. It soothed him, called to him…he had never belonged anywhere so completely.

“Go ahead Doctor,” Rose whispered into his mind. “Take a look.”

Slowly, gently, he sent out his mind, searching the warm, pulsing consciousness that was Rose, manifested in the shape of his TARDIS, and almost sobbing with pleasure as it welcomed him. It had been so very, very long since he had connected with her like this in his last body. He carefully avoided her memories, knowing he had no right to see them and that she’d show him if and when she was ready, and instead focused on the stability of the mindscape, examining the rooms and hallways, and making sure they hadn’t been damaged in any way. Seeing that all was well he checked her bodily functions and found them perfectly normal. He found the traces of the damage he’d healed in his last body. Suddenly, in front of one particular door, he heard a familiar eerie laughter and a flash of gold caressed his mind’s eye before he found himself back in the console room with Rose.

He stared. Had she just managed to manipulate her mind to move him against his _will_?

 _“Not quite, my thief. Not yet,”_ came a familiar eerie voice in his own mind, and he relaxed slightly, chuckling. It seemed the TARDIS was rather protective of certain parts of Rose’s mind and didn’t want him venturing anywhere near them just yet.

However, he was at ease- he hadn’t found any signs of damage or trauma, and Rose’s mind, while more complex than he could have imagined, was not burning.

Rose grinned at him. “Satisfied now?”

He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and held out his hand. “Hardly.”

She was still laughing as she took his hand and they awoke in the infirmary.

As soon as he’d opened his eyes, the Doctor pulled her into his arms.

Where she belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to drop me a line on tumblr- I'm at https://countessselena.tumblr.com/.


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